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Original poster

Seriously considering quitting. Is it bearable being really skint but a SAHM?!

33 replies

gerbo · 19/02/2009 21:27

I'm a teacher. I work p-t, every day, but do a large amount outside school which basically means full-time hours and stress.

I love teaching but am really really fed up - I miss my DD who's about to turn 2 lots, pathetic I know but true. I loved being at home until she was 16 months (lucky, I know) and was never bored (lots of groups, friends, etc.).

I'm seriously considering quitting, however my dh doesn't earn a huge wage (we're currently ok but are very frugal people anyway - no hi-tech stuff, turn off all the lights, stay in a lot, etc.!!). So, if I quit we'd be down to around £50 max each to spend on anything that isn't food/bills/basics like new shoes for dd (ie. birthday presents for friends, the occasional take-out, new pair of earrings, etc.) and my food spend would have to come down by £80 a month - . For example, we just booked a lovely holiday in France for 9 nights (our first proper family holiday) which would not happen next year at all if I stop...

So, I guess I'm asking - has anyone else been brave and gone for it? Is it hideous being really down-to-the-knuckle-watching-the-pennies, or does being with your child and getting preggers again (we'd love to) make up for it? I guess we have all the kit for dc2 and hopefully I'd breastfeed so there'd be no expenditure...anyway -

Any experiences to share? TIA.

OP posts:

MakemineaGandT · 19/02/2009 21:29

Why don't you just get pregnant and go on maternity leave.....

TheGreatScootini · 19/02/2009 21:30

Am watching with interest.I hate being a WOHM.I would love to be off with the DD's.DH will hopefully pass some work related exams soon which might mean there would be some possibility of me being able to give up work.But we would be very broke indeed in terms of anything not food/bill related..

2pt4kids · 19/02/2009 21:31

It sounds as though you'd be a lot happier as a SAHM and its really only the financials that are holding you back.
It does sound as though money will be very tight if you were tpo quit though.

Is there any way at all that you can compromise?

Job share? I know several teachers job sharing, so it seems pretty common

Tutoring from home in the evenings? What do you teach? Do you play an instrument or anything like that?

Could you supply teach and just do ad hoc days? (with hopefully a flexible childminder to help out on those days!)

twinsetandpearls · 19/02/2009 21:33

I teach and knew that while dd was a pre schooler I could not work as I had been doing and care for dd in the way I wanted to. I stayed at home until dd was four/five. I do not regret it for one moment, but it was hard being that broke. We have some debt that we are still paying off three years later as financially it was so tough.

twinsetandpearls · 19/02/2009 21:34

What about a career change, teaching does consume your life. You could do another job part time that would not demand so much of you outside of the school day.

ssd · 19/02/2009 21:35

course its bearable, you get to see your children grow up

Lilyloo · 19/02/2009 21:36

I recently gave up work after having dc3
this was mixture of reasons
childcare becoming nightmare
i wasnt really happy at my job
and dc 3 was a lovely surprise
having worked full time with ds and part time with dd1 i just wanted to have some time with them whilst they were small.

It's hard financially but that doesnt bother me too much however i have found the adjustment to becoming a full time sahm quite hard.

I miss the work atmosphere / friends etc but not the stress and the all consuming guilt of never having enough time to give myself fully to either job or family.

I guess it is a very personal thing though...

Original poster

gerbo · 19/02/2009 21:40

I'm considering talking to my head who's a real workaholic and prob. won't understand my feelings at all - scary thought - but I was going to ask re. maybe doing 1 day just to keep my hand in and a little money but then you pay the minder and there's nothing really left. Hmm.

The maternity leave idea's VERY tempting, but - I live in a small town and would feel terrible if people realised I'd done it deliberately and then left after a year out on leave!!!!

Or maybe I don't care THAT much and should go for it....?! DH and I are also considering it seriously...

Supply's tricky as I don't drive (d'oh) and I don't think my childminder would work in that way, ad hoc.

Tutoring's an option though - I teach infants so perhaps literacy, etc.?

OP posts:

curiouscat · 19/02/2009 21:40

I was SAHM until youngest was at school full time. There was no affordable childcare for my 3 kids. I tried a string of au pairs but was never happy. In all I was 9 years SAHM and now love my part time job and have a contended household too. I think if you want more children then the finances will work themselves out. You never get back those early years with your kids imo. Good luck whatever you decide.

Spaceman · 19/02/2009 21:40

I lived like it for a while, but it does get really depressing after a while, being so skint that is. Especially if your friends all have high earning DH's like mine do. To be honest you get used to it and you can get a certain amount of satisfaction knowing you are managing your money so efficiently but for me it had limited appeal and so I began bumping up our salary by freelancing. It really helped make life more comfortable. I would recommend it if you know there's an end to it, otherwise being frugal all the time will get to you in the end.

Why don't you train to be a childminder? It only takes a few weeks; it'll be company for your child and you could earn around £700 a month by taking on one child full time. I expect there's loads of working parents who'd love to have a teacher as their childminder.

nowwearefour · 19/02/2009 21:41

would trying to get pg and going on mat leave be too long for you to wait?

littleboysblue · 19/02/2009 21:42

I'm a SAHM, when I was due to return to work after ds1, we decided that we'd both be happier if I stayed at home to look after ds and we then decided that as I was going to be at home anyway, we might as well try for another, get these years done and I could return to work when they start school. So that's what we did, I didn't return to work, fell pregnant within 3 months and now have 2 boys (18m and 15 days) but not a pot to piss in!!
I do get a bit down when I can't buy any clothes for myself or when I see a toy that ds1 would love but can't buy it etc.
I've never worried about money, the company I worked for paid my rent and my bills so alkways had money to spare so the adjustment was/is tough and me and dp have to eat lots of pasta a things for dinner and I can't really afford to eat crisps, takeaways and other things like that, but every sacrifice is well worth it.

Original poster

gerbo · 19/02/2009 21:45

Wow thanks mnetters - lots of interesting replies. I was considering a local 'shop type' or bar p-t job, but then I sometimes do think 'will i miss my colleagues and the atmosphere?' I suppose anyone giving up work has those fears.

And every job has a down-side, no matter how amazing, including being a SAHM i suppose. But not regretting being a SAHM for one second for the first 16 months must be a sign?

Maybe I'll just gor for dc2 and see what happens at work......

OP posts:

sprogger · 19/02/2009 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roisin · 19/02/2009 21:50

We were very skint when the boys were tiny and I didn't work at all. (Occasionally did an odd bit of temping or freelance work, but basically SAHM).

It was a wonderful time: we didn't get sucked into the 'spend lots of dosh' circle, and just did everything on a very tight budget where money was in short supply but parental time was endless.

Halcyon days I will remember for ever. I would do the same thing again like a shot given the chance.

We just spent all our time in the garden or the library or at the swingpark, going for long walks, toddler groups, and visiting friends/having people to visit at least once every day.

Lilyloo · 19/02/2009 21:52

Gerbo funnily enough i absolutely loved my 12 months mat leave not sure why it feels different now.

Original poster

gerbo · 19/02/2009 21:55

Interesting take, sprogger. I think you're very right. I'm just scared of quitting, then realising that we're too skint to give dd and dc2 the little things they could have right now.

But it's material stuff, and I'm not into 'stuff'.

It's the 'safety-net' of savings, etc. being less cushy that's scary. We hate the idea of debt, have none right now except mortgage, and would avoid that as much as poss.

The choice is made harder by the job I have being perfect on paper - 15 mins walk away, in my town, lovely immediate colleagues, etc. - ie. perfect for the future when the kids are all back in school. But I can't base my life right now on what would work in 8years time, can I?!

OP posts:

Original poster

gerbo · 19/02/2009 22:02

Lilyloo - it must be such as personal thing as women have so many different takes/feelings about the situation. BUT i guess we have to do what feels right, within our limits? Perhaps it's new baby hormones and exhaustion - you must be so busy?!!!

Roisin - the phrase 'halcyon days' just made me feel teary - either it's MY hormones (!) or you've just hit the nail on the head. Those are the memories I want.

OP posts:

ilovetochat · 19/02/2009 22:02

i'm a sahm to dd 19 months and love it as i don't miss a thing about her growing up. i miss my old job as i loved it but i don't miss the stress and competition.
i don't consider us skint as we can pay the bills and food and run 2 cars, we have been on 3 caravan holidays and rented a house for a fortnight so dd has experienced seaside, zoos, parks, farms, beaches.
we don't have takeaways, meals out are special occasions, i do free classes with dd in the week and go for walks.
when i look back on my childhood i remember time with family and fun holidays on a beach with a bucket and spade and parks, i don't remember what clothes i wore, what car my parents drove, or where the beach was.
my dad is a tutor and for 11+ tutoring he gets £18 ph, £25 ph for gcse level. usually 4-6/7pm

ilovetochat · 19/02/2009 22:04

btw before i became a sahm we saved a set amount of money and put it in a separate account just for things we can't afford while i am off.
it has lay untouched so far but will be used this year for wall insulation and heating repairs.
like you i hate debt and needed this buffer zone for peace of mind.

violethill · 19/02/2009 23:11

If you were at home for 16 months, and your dc is only just about to turn two, then one thing that strikes me is that you haven't really been working for that long. Maybe you're still adjusting to it? I think it takes time to get into any new routine. Also, is there any chance of rearranging hours, because to work P/T but to have to go in every day, and to be putting in a F/T work load sounds like the worst of all worlds.

If you really want to give up, then of course it's possible if you can manage financially and are prepared to live on very little.

It's horses for courses really. I enjoyed working P/T when my kids were preschool - I never felt I was missing out on anything at home and I kept my hand in with my career, which was important to me. But only you know what's right for your family.

techpep · 19/02/2009 23:24

If staying at home means alot to you and you feel you would be happier at home, then do it. Whats a few years of being skint, they dont remember big expensive holidays anyway, save them for when they are older. On the other hand is your dc allowed to attend the school you work at? If so it will only be a couple of years until you are both in the same building all day which does take away a lot of the guilt. Good luck with whatever you decide.

amidaiwish · 20/02/2009 08:44

i think you should talk to the head, you never know what options there might be.

he must be expecting you to get pg and go on maternity leave again anyway, so (s)he might be more than happy to change your role to something more flexible / less demanding and get someone else in to your job.

ForeverOptimistic · 20/02/2009 08:46

Don't do it if you are going to be skint. I am a SAHM and we have no money. It is not fun, this should be the happiest time of my life and yet it is clouded by financial worries.

admylin · 20/02/2009 08:50

The first 3 or 4 years of your dc life are the most important forming years. We were a student family so extremely broke but when I look back on what I gave my 2 dc in love, attention and feelings of security I know I've given them an excellent base to build on. You definately don't need money to be happy, we lived on a student grant back then!

You can go back to work when they are older and don't need you as much.

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