Seriously considering quitting. Is it bearable being really skint but a SAHM?!

[gerbo]

I'm a teacher. I work p-t, every day, but do a large amount outside school which basically means full-time hours and stress.

I love teaching but am really really fed up - I miss my DD who's about to turn 2 lots, pathetic I know but true. I loved being at home until she was 16 months (lucky, I know) and was never bored (lots of groups, friends, etc.).

I'm seriously considering quitting, however my dh doesn't earn a huge wage (we're currently ok but are very frugal people anyway - no hi-tech stuff, turn off all the lights, stay in a lot, etc.!!). So, if I quit we'd be down to around £50 max each to spend on anything that isn't food/bills/basics like new shoes for dd (ie. birthday presents for friends, the occasional take-out, new pair of earrings, etc.) and my food spend would have to come down by £80 a month - . For example, we just booked a lovely holiday in France for 9 nights (our first proper family holiday) which would not happen next year at all if I stop...

So, I guess I'm asking - has anyone else been brave and gone for it? Is it hideous being really down-to-the-knuckle-watching-the-pennies, or does being with your child and getting preggers again (we'd love to) make up for it? I guess we have all the kit for dc2 and hopefully I'd breastfeed so there'd be no expenditure...anyway -

Any experiences to share? TIA.

I would see about rearranging your hours to work fewer days,then you would have a couple of full days at home as well.
I could easily stay at home,both mentally and financially,but am a nurse and have been for 20odd years.Have gradually reduced my hours over the lifetimes of my 4 DCS so now only work one and half days per week,which is great in such a stressful environment.
Brings in £500 plus each month though,and feel as if I have best of both worlds.

it does also sound like the pt role isn't working - in every day, lots outside school, stress. Sounds like yuo're doing a ft job on part time pay. been there, done that - it only builds resentment, you need to talk it through with head. (don't mention pg or mat leave though no matter how tempted!!)

I just wanted to let you know that contrary to some of the very negative descriptions of life as a SAHM that you might read on MN, it can be wonderful and the most rewarding thing you will ever do. I gave up a very successful corporate career to be at home with DD and it is the best thing I have ever done .

Yes, there are parts of every single day that are boring (aren?t there with any job?) but as roisin says, these are halcyon days. Being at home with DD is the most wonderful experience.

We are not skint (luckily for us) but we have an awful housing situation (due to the economy we are stuck in a too small flat, which gives DP a 4 hour commute).This massively impacts on our life. If I went back to work we'd be able to move much more quickly, but neither of us want that.

DD is incredibly happy and well developed for her age ? seeing your child doing well is incredible and it is great to think you may have had a role in that by being there.

This doesn't mean it is easy to give work up - I probably cry once a week for my 'lost' career. But DD and I have a great time, walks in the park, crafts and painting every day, trips to the library and lots of cuddles (not so many toddler groups - I hate them, but worry that I am depriving her and that she'll suffer ? so maternal guilt is always there no matter what choices we make!). DP is happy knowing that she is happy and he thinks it is the best thing for her to be at home with me. Also, honestly speaking, he knows that his career would suffer if I went back to work as we both used to travel so much and if I was at work too he'd have to scale back his commitments.

Good luck. These decisions are hard. I hope you find a solution that makes your family happy.

I gave up a well-paid job when I had DS1 and never went back to full-time working. DH is self-employed so there have been times it's been tough and it's been years since we had a proper holiday but I wouldn't have swapped the time I've had with my children for the world. Now the children are older, I'm slightly concerned about the pension implications of not having worked but as you're not intending to stop forever this should be less of an issue for you. I do understand the concerns of not having any back-up money and hating debt - this is exactly the same for us and we've been lucky so far to have survived.

I do some tutoring now so I'm sure you could look at this as an option. You'll have plenty of contacts via the school, I expect.

All the best with making this decision. It's never easy but in the end I'd say go with your heart.

Thanks everyone. I think like all the big things in life this decision has been brewing for a while and it feels like the time is right.

I can't see how my workload will change by sticking it out, but worry if I do talk to my head it'll have negative implications for the day-to-day stuff - the expectations are extremely high at my school and I worry she'd think I wasn't pulling my weight/wouldn't put in 100 per cent if I was thinking of scaling back on hours...

BUT it's my decision and I have to be an adult and take these biggies sometimes I guess! I think SAHM is def. for me, it's just a matter of when...Summoning the courage!

Interesting to hear everyone's differing views though - shows how we all have different takes on working as mums.

It depends on how much you hate working and how broke you'd be. For me worrying about money is soul-destroying long-term. We aren't well off by any means but I know I can pay for the things we need. It's not doing without foreign hols that get you down in the end, it's the constant niggle about whether you can afford new school shoes or how to pay for next weeks food.

Ive been a sahm for 6 years now. At first it was great, we had enough money to pay the bills etc but the last few years have been a struggle. We have no money for trips to the zoo, farmparks, cinema etc
not had a holiday for 5 years, stress when the kids need new shoes etc and the worry is awful.

I decided 12 mths ago to go back to work and have struggled to get a job with such a big gap in my CV. I didn't think that was goingto be an issue but it was. I have now been offered a job and start in a few weeks. Going to be a big change for all of us but being able to go out for lunch at the weekend or go take the kids to the zoo at easter is going to be fab

i would stick with your job if its going to be perfect when kids are older. Have a another baby and time your mat leave well. Penny pinching can be fun and a challenge but it doesn't stay fun longe term - particularly if the bills cant be paid.

I would say stop tormenting yourself! Decide you are going to go for number 2 and take max maternity leave and decide from there what will suit. You could tutor numeracy and literacy in the evenings/weekends. I pay £22 per hour for this so the demand is there (prob a lot more if you live in an 11 plus area). You know that once kids are of school age you have a great job for hols etc, its just a question of getting there.

Oh, and it is nobody's business how you space your kids, if you worry about what others might think, you are thinking too much