Should I offer resignation or go for 4th maternity leave??

[Mummyfor3]

Right, this is a theoretical question as I am not (yet) pregnant:
I have been one of five partners in a business for 10years. In this time I have been on maternity leave for 6 months on 3 occasions. In principle the partnership is family friendly, we have all had children and financial provision for time off is generous. However, all of my partners have completed their families, and I am very aware how an absence like this affects the workload and income of everybody else. I realise of course that I do not owe my work colleagues any explanation about how big a family I would like, however I am scared reluctant to announce further need for mat leave. There is (probably, after discussion with them) the option to resign and work the company on a freelance basis whenever I felt ready to return to work. This would of course mean drop in income, not be an equal partner in decision making etc. etc.

So, how would you feel if your business partner had repeated mat leave? I am not looking for legal advice, rather for people's gut feeling. Thanks.

You have been there 10 years, to lose your experience for the sake of another 6 months maternity leave would be madness.

If you were my work collegue, I would be glad that you were on maternity leave rather than resigning as then there is hope that you will return and continue to use your expertise. It's not worth resigning unless you have other plans, like you want to spend more time at home and you want to freelance or change direction.

Please don't choose that option out of "guilt" or "embarassment", just be true to how you feel and what you want. Working freelance for the company is attractive for you, but they may eventually want a permanent partner and then you will move on, then again being freelance will open other doors.

Yes it is difficult deciding but finances aside remember you worked hard to get where you are and the fact you returned after previous pregnancies means you have their trust that you probably will return. It's usually first time mothers who are not sure about returning to work after their dc is born.

Google 'Nicola Mendelsohn'. She was until very recently deputy director of a big ad agency, Grey London.

She has 4 children, I believe, including one fairly recent = 4 maternity leaves.

I don't know why she's jacked it in at Grey but I reckon it's more likely a fallout with new boss or better offer elsewhere than anything to do with maternity leaves.

If it were me I don't think I would leave a partnership I'd helped to build up. Let's say you have a total 2 years off in mat leave, but partnership exists for 20 years total. There's nothing to say that a couple of years down the line one partner will want time off to travel, or another will fall ill, requiring time off. So maybe the long view is the one to take.

Plus it's not how much fee income they lose when you're not there, but how much you generate when you are there!

HTH, Mrs B

Awake in the middle of the bloody night again. So I will add a bit more to my first answer.

You actually asked 'how would you feel if your business partner had repeated mat leave?'.

I agree with Samsonara - that by returning from your 3 previous mat leaves you already demonstrated your commitment to the partnership.

So are your partners likely to be upset by a 4th leave? Maybe, maybe not. I guess it's up to you, not as you say to justify the size of your family, but to be ready to point out to them why you're a great member of the partnership, if things start to move down the road of them questioning you.

Perhaps this answers your question more directly than my first post.

MrsB, my sympathies for being up... and posting at that time! I AM impressed.

Part of my insecurity of how to approach this stems from the feeling that with 3 children under 6 I am unable to give the partnership all I could if I were just looking after NO 1, IYKWIM. I have v good reliable, flexible childcare in place, however my DH works even longer hours, at times overnight, and I cannot be at work at all hrs. I am also aware that I am distracted. I suppose since I returned from having DS3 5 months ago, I have suffered from "professional insecurity" and at times felt a bit sidelinde, although objectively speaking I understand why.

The nature of the business means that more work does not equal more pay, as we are bound by public contracts. If anybody is off for whatever reason (mat leave, sick leave, annual leave) it means higher work load for those remaining and loss of income if replacements needs to be found... Ok, I will come clean, I am a GP (and do not make £250000 or anywhere near it, BTW..). Any independent NHS contractors out there with an opinion on this...?

I see where you're coming from - i guess you have to decide if you can still give what you need to give professionally to the partnership with 4 children.

I think the maternity leave issue is fine - even if the others have to do a bit more work - after all one of them could end up off sick for a long time. Thats why you get locums in isn't it and surely you have contingency for that in your partnership?

You've gone back after 3 lots of maternity leave so they should be reassured that you'll be back again. Perhaps though you'd need to up your domestic help with 4 children and a DH who works long hours.

Good luck!

Don't you dare resign!

Why on earth would you?

There is no reason to resign - they are family friendly, you are pg, you do a good job, you always come back, what's the problem?

I understand about 'professional insecurity' and having young children can mean that sometimes I and you are distracted. But you do a good job. (that's a big full stop)

Do not resign - you have worked for years for this, you have studied for years.

I guessed you were a GP.

I think you have to base your decision not on 6 months' mat leave (which is a short term consideration), but on whether you feel you can - and want to - continue your previous commitment to the practice as a mother of 4 small children.

I am not pregnant yet - just trying to get my head round things if I were.
2 male partners had their wives have the babies , 2 female partners are done with having kids.
Yes, domestic help, hmm, there is something to consider: cleaner for 2 hrs once a week prob not enough.

god, no - definitely not enough!!!!

Oh god, Grammaticus, you've got it in one!! I just do not really want to go there, because I am worried how hard it would be to return after extended work break what with chages re relicensing/recertification. I am already 1 appraisal "behind" due to baby distraction .

You mention that "financial provision for time off is generous". If of the increased workload/cost for the other partners can be resolved financially ie. by paying to cover your work, then an option would be to take reduced maternity pay and use that money to cover the work. I know in my (small) company, the directors agreement includes terms which essentially exclude the Directors financially while they're off.

Having said that, when you all signed the partnership deal, none of you knew how many children you would each have (nor any other type of time off eg. sickness) and presumably you didn't write in any limits. You are therefore well within your rights, and it seems it's the timing (or the absolute number) which is weighing on your mind.

Is there a separate concern here that you already feel distracted with 3 children and a busy dh, and that's likely to increase? Would it therefore be sensible to consider changing your contribution to the partnership in another way eg. reduce your working hours/% stake, without changing the nature of it in the way going freelance would?

I don't know the way that doctors' surgeries work but, generally, a partnership is a mutual decision. Any partner can dissolve the partnership at any time, for any reason (i.e. it's totally different to employment law).

Therefore, if the other partners don't ease you out of the partnership then isn't that a back-handed, convoluted, by-default vote of confidence?

Mummyfor3 - there is a thread that might be of interest currently running on the Going Back to Work topic - hospital docs not GPs, but may assist?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/688514-Ay-doctor-mums-out-there

But I'm still with the others who say 'don't resign'. It's only 6 months which is nothing in the grand scheme of things (although I can see it would affect the numbers in the relevant financial year).

Why was I awake at 4am BTW? I am about 34 weeks pg, hunger pangs. Incidentally I ate some toast and 3 x choc digestives whilst replying to your post, so see you on the Weight Loss topic

I guessed that you were a GP too.

I dont think that you should resign if you do have a 4th child (unless you want to!).

You all agreed your partnership agreement, so if anyone thought the provisions for maternity leave were too generous then that would have been the time to have brought that up.

If you are feeling guilty, and you do have a 4th child one option may be to suggest altering the partnership agreement to allow all partners a degree of paid or unpaid time off for other purposes, eg sabbatical type stuff.

Mrs B, thanks for that.

I will be thinking of you when I am up @ 4am BFing DS 3 who apparently can either sleep 12 hrs in one go, or needs 4 BFs overnight - no logic there!

Good luck with pregnancy! Chocolate is good for you, it is official!! For me it's either chocolate (and the rest ) or Prozac, so chocolate it is.

WMA, thanks for that, I had been thinking along the same lines. I suppose big danger with "offering resignation" is that they might just take it .. and what would that do to my bruised (professional) ego?!

Hospital drs situation is v different as they are employed. Catilla, I had thought about your suggestion... hm, must tell DH his expensive hobbies (car, hifi, camera..) have to stop .. fat chance of that!

Hmm. It's difficult. I am currently not working, after 15 years as a solicitor. Time will tell whether it is the right decision - I'm only 2 months into it.

Grammaticus, , I think... Good luck, hope you will find in the long run you made right decision.
I keep coming back to the old chestnut that nobody is likely to lie on their death bed and think: "I wish I had spent more time at work"...
Writing all this down and reading responses has make it quite clear to me, that I know what my gut/heart/left brain wants, but I am still not sure how to reconcile that with the real world?

I know a partner at a law firm who had 4 pregnancies whilst she was a partner. She only took 3 months' maternity leave each time though. And took early retirement.

Thanks. I think I will. I have found that the childen need me more now that they are older - they are upper juniors.

Working part time and paying for a lovely and extremely expensive nursery was fine for preschoolers; working part time and them going to on-site after school club was fine for infants and lower juniors.

But now they have interests outside school, more homeork and entrance exams coming up...

Plus, you can't really get afterschool childcare for lower secondary children, so it seems that either I am around or they are on their own, which I don't want.

what would your advice be if someone came to your surgery with the same situation and asked for advice?

I'm betting you would say that there was absolutely no reason whatsoever for them to consider resigning and good luck with the pgy.

You've been partners with the others for some time, I am sure that they would be over the moon for you and more than happy to lose you for a few months, just as you would for them.

Well, this all sounds v encouraging. Who knows, it may never happen anyway, and if not, I shall be happy with the blessings x3 that I have got.

Grammaticus, I have often wondered whether older children do not need a stay at home parent MORE than younger ones, tiny babies excepted. From what your saying, it sounds like they might. Maybe this really is a whole wider problem along the lines of (see above): do I want to be working as a mother of 3-4 young, all to soon to be older, children?

Wish I could fast forward and rewind to look at a few options and how they would pan out and then pick and choose..

Thanks for the outside perspective - even if I have to keep telling myself that MNers by their nature are likely to be quite pro-family

iswym its like you feel guilty for being off, kinda like then your off sick
but i think you should not leave your entitled to the mat leave but i know what you mean you can feel guilty

Fast forward life to see how it might work out to look at a few options and then rewind to do the best one - what a great idea

That said - and I haven't been looking at/posting to MN very long - actually perhaps this Talkboard fulfils that function a bit (people sharing their experiences, reflecting on them, offering advice etc).

MrsB, I have never had a life plan ("where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" - clueless face) but always sort of bumbled along. And, yes, having other people's opinions, pro and con, is why I posted the question. TBH, I am actually surprised, I have not been shot down in flames more, along the lines of "you have had your fair share of leave, get with the program".

Not that many cutthroat business people on MN??

The link to Nicola Ad-agency-person just scared me: such drive, such ambition! Sorry, not me!