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Original poster

Racist comments from a customer at work about Barack Obama. Is there anything I could have said or done? May offend.

42 replies

Dragonbutter · 07/11/2008 18:12

Apologies if this thread offends anyone, and i don't mean to be inflammatory, but i really have got a bee in my bonnet about this and i need advice.

I have a part-time job in a sports club (think white middle class sports club), it's extra money we definitely need right now as DH has been made redundant. I am starting a second part time professional job in about a month and will need to keep two jobs until things improve for DH.

On wednesday (yes i've been brewing since then) one of the club members said she was in a bad mood. I was giving it the customer service concern with 'oh dear what's the matter?'

And she straight up said "What? a damn n*** in the white house? I'm going to give up my american passport!"

I was literally and she was looking right at me as i stood there with my jaw on the floor and my eyeballs popping out.

My manager was with me behind the bar and managed to say something along the lines of, 'there's a turn up for the books' or somesuch while the woman continued to rant. I was so uncomfortable as i found myself in a position that i felt was unable to say anything and so just walked off and pretended to do something else, inwardly seething.

Now the woman is in her 60s, maybe 70s and white. As far as i know she grew up in hong kong or at least lived there for a while and obviously has british and american passports. I really don't know any more about her.

as a white woman, i've been accused of being over-sensitive about race issues on here (yes mrsthierryhenry i'd really welcome your opinion on this one).

What i want to know is...
a) what's the best way to handle this situation?
b) is there anything i could have said or done and would there be any point?

I need my job but hate to be in this position where I am having to be polite to this woman.

I am unfortunately going to post and run as i have to work tonight, but will check in again later. I may be able to lurk from work but won't post.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 18:19

IMO your manager should have said something, (along the lines of "We don't want your sort in here")

StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 18:20

Actually the more I think about it the angrier I get
There's racism out of ignorance and then there's sheer nasty bigotry, which this was

nancy75 · 07/11/2008 18:22

agree, very poor of your manager to allow you to be in this situation without doing anything about it.
he didnt have to throw her out but politely tell her those sort of comments are not welcome/will not be tolerated

Original poster
Dragonbutter · 07/11/2008 18:24

the best i could muster was to arrange some very duff partners for her to play t e n n i s with. it didn't really take the edge of though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dragonbutter · 07/11/2008 18:25

i mentioned it to my boss about half an hour later and she said, 'oh she's dreadful', i guess she is in the same position.

OP posts:
Liffey · 07/11/2008 18:27

I would say something she couldn't actually complain about n=but that puts her in her place

"I think the intelligent money says he'll make a great president" and stare at her with faux respect.

StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 18:27

suppose it's up to the club as to whether racism can be tolerated. It would be in their interests (and the rtihgt thing to do) to say that it won't be

Original poster
Dragonbutter · 07/11/2008 18:27

i really do have to go now i start at 7pm.

i know the chairman on the club said he is more that happy to write letters to members of the club who have been rude or aggressive to staff. I wonder if just being a generally offensive woman would warrant such a letter and whether he would think so.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 18:28

You could always personally take offense and see what the club do!

Liffey · 07/11/2008 18:29

Stealth, that's a good idea. Ask the boss in a non-confrontational way, just like you want to know where you're working... "IS this a club where racism is tolerated????".

SalBySea · 07/11/2008 18:30

I would have simply said that we do not tolerate racism or any abusive or offensive language here so please either refrain or leave.

I know my employers would support me if I said the above

revjustabout · 07/11/2008 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 07/11/2008 18:33

Sad fact is though, I don't imagine her opinions are isolated. I don't imagine the manager could throw her out because of one word - she didn't call the op a N**r - she was using it to refer to someone who wasn't even present.

I personally would have said something along the lines of "well it doesn't really bother me whether he's black or white, why should it?" and left it at that.

I don't think you can really be personally offended by this as the comments were not directed at you personally and you are white, I would just refuse to engage in such conversation. People like her will always hold the views they do sadly.

saadia · 07/11/2008 18:35

agree with liffey, maybe some comment like "luckily the rest of the world doesn't agree with you", or "gosh, I didn't think people sill held those kind of views" - not rude but still showing disapproval. This is the 21st Century and in a public place she should not be able to get away with these comments. Are there any non-white staff working there?

TinySocks · 07/11/2008 18:54

What an awful woman. Shocking!
You need this job, you have to be careful with what you say.
In your place I think I would just ignore her and do your job.
Talk to your manager and let him decide what action to take.

StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 18:57

OTOH what would they do if you had told her she wasn't welcome there? Can't see them wanting their role to get out

solidgoldbrass · 07/11/2008 19:00

I think non-rude criticism is the way to go. The woman is entitled to her opinions, however moronic and distasteful, and there is a difference between her saying things like that about a person who is not present, and saying them to a person ie being directly abusive to someone present.

ANd FWIW I think that banning the woman from the premises for expressing an opinon about a public figure in unpleasant terms, would mean shitloads of unwanted publicity about Political Correctness Gone Mad and turning her into some kind of free-speech martyr instead of an ignorant old twat.

mummyplonk · 07/11/2008 19:00

saadia, yes, spot on response I think would have been what you said "I didnt think people still held those kind of views" not too aggresive but enough to make her think.

BBBee · 07/11/2008 19:03

I would ask your manager for guidance as to how to deal with issues of racist or sexist comments by clients, even if they are not directed at you.

BTW I completely sympathise with you - you were put in a difficult position of having to evaluate your personal views and the relationship of client/customer. I feel that as you were unsure at this point how to react you did the best thing possible by withdrawing yourself from the situation. HTe next step is to seek guidance as to how to deal with it in the future with full guidance from your employer.

Your role as employee put you in a compromising position.

flowerybeanbag · 07/11/2008 19:18

I think you did the right thing at the time. I think all of the suggested responses from people here would be fine, it's thinking of them at the time though isn't it?!

I agree with BBBee that you should seek guidance from your employer about what their general policy is on racist language/similar behaviour within the club, and also what their policy is for staff in terms of dealing with this type of behaviour when it occurs. You need to know whether you have permission to remove the person, or ask them to stop, or what.

I don't think in this type of environment dealing firmly with racist language would be over the top politically correct at all tbh. I also think it's in their interests to make sure that kind of language isn't something their staff or other customers are subjected to from a business point of view. I know if I were a potential customer visiting and I heard that I would think this isn't the type of club I want to attend. A sports club is supposed to be a pleasant and relaxing environment and if you're liable to hear language like that bandied about, it certainly isn't that. Yes people are entitled to their opinions, offensive as they may be, but I think for this particular business, and many others, a policy of not tolerating that type of behaviour isn't over the top.

Speak to your manager about the incident and find out whether their is a policy and what it is, and if not, ask for guidance and a decision as to what you can do should you encounter this again.

Zahrah · 07/11/2008 19:28

Yes agree with BBBee here.

frasersmummy · 07/11/2008 19:34

i agree with solidgoldbrass..

I know what she said was wrong and very racist but at the end of the day she has a right to free speech and a right to her ( racist and wrong) opinion.

If you start throwing people out of public places for making offensive remarks about political leaders then I would be barred from everywhere (not a Gordon Brown fan)

StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 19:58

I can't believe that anyone would make a PC gone mad type comment about that particular word (although I do take your point about frredom of speech)
How did that woman know that db didn't have a black dh? Mixed race children?

flowerybeanbag · 07/11/2008 20:03

I really can't agree that for a sports club to have a policy of not tolerating racist language would be over the top.

I also can't possibly see that calling someone that word could be compared to having and expressing strong views about Gordon Brown. The issue isn't that this woman dislikes a public figure, it's her use of offensive racist language.

If I were manager/owner of this club, I would not think it was acceptable for either my staff or other customers to be subjected to that. Yes, Dragonbutter isn't black as it happens, but she might have been, or might have a mixed race origin, or similar. Or other members of staff might, or other customers.

To me, a suitable policy for this type of workplace would be in this situation, the manager speaking to the woman politely, explaining that the business does not tolerate racist or other abusive language, could she please tone it down. If the woman then continued, or was a repeat offender, you'd ask her to leave/remove her membership or whatever necessary to ensure the problem was dealt with.

StealthPolarBANG · 07/11/2008 20:05

Well put fbb