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Original poster

I returned to work today and cried all the way there :o(

31 replies

ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 21:54

I had to leave my 1 year old DS at nursery and I felt so bad & guilty! I had been off for 13.5 months so returning to work feels major to me and I have been utterly dreading it. I'm back part time but I'd still dearly wish to be with my wee boy every day and not work. He wailed when I left and cried his way through dinner and his bath, he is just not himself as he is usually a chirpy little guy. I was so upset when I left him at nursery too, I cried all the way to work and had to sit in a carpark for 10 mins to compose myself, then called the nursery twice like a neurotic mummy ARGH!

Please tell me it gets easier

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 04/11/2008 21:59

It got better for me.

Imo it is a case of you both getting used to your new routines. Being upset through dinner and bath is also to do with being very tired after a new day in a new place, so don't feel guilty. As long as you are basically happy with the nursery care, you will gradually get accustomed to being back (and come to enjoy it quite possibly)

lionmummy · 04/11/2008 22:00

Hugs. Sounds like you had a rough day. I cried when I left my DD1 and DD2 when I returned to work, but it does get easier.
I thought that my heart was breaking at the time. I've now been back to work for 6 weeks & am really enjoying it. I really appreciate the time to myself (even tho it is work - just having a wee in peace is a novelty! I do miss my little ones but really appreciate my time with them being quality time. It will get better I promise.

lionmummy · 04/11/2008 22:02

Oh & when I ask DD1 what she'd like to do on her days at home with me, she usually says 'go to nursery' (I'm not too offended!) so when your DS1 gets into the swing of things as well, that will me much easier for you too

Jacksmama · 04/11/2008 22:06

Oh oh oh, I sobbed all the way to work when I first left DS with MIL when I had to go back to work. It got a little better over the next few months. He's now nearly 9 months old and I still get teary-eyed as I'm driving away from the house some days. Hang in there!!

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:12

I have gone back 3 days a week and have found it very very hard, lots of tears from mummy and DS.

Someone said to me recently that its ok for it to be rubbish until Christmas then things will settle down..........

Or as another friend put it: Stop crying and have another baby and a year off!

I also think our babies are going through the seporation phases as well, my DS is just 1 this month and in a way its the worst time to be going back to work. Hang in there. x

Original poster
ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 22:12

Thanks folks. It's just so hard isn't it? I do hope it gets better, I just hate the thought of him getting all upset and being all alone without mummy or daddy I think it's also hard as I don't really have control what he does at nursery, as far as I can see he didn't even get out for a walk today even though it was sunny. I will need to ask about that tomorrow!

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 04/11/2008 22:14

you will both adjust to the change.give it time.you need to be strong and talk positively and effuse about nursery.make it fun for him

of course it gets better,after initial misgivings

you get mummy time with adults, make money
he socialises gains confidence with other children

do expect him to get common illnesses
conjunctivitis
chickenpox
hand foot mouth disease
all v common and contagious at nursery

good to build up immune system get exposed to these illnesses

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:14

List your worries and be very open and honest with the nursery.

Original poster
ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 22:16

When did you go back Goldilocks? My Ds just turned one last week and is teething badly too so not the best time to start nursery!

I hope it won't be this bad til Christmas ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
Original poster
ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 22:19

I am happy with the nursery in general but little things are getting to me like the not going for a walk thing and also their feedback for 'how was I at nursery?' was just a smiley face! (despite him wailing when I left). And they just wrote 'ate all' re his lunch but I don't know the amounts as they chuck out any leftovers. Am I being too precious or should I ask for more detail?

OP posts:
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:31

You can never be to precious - he's your baby!
I have been back 3 days since September. My mum does 2 days and nursery just 1, which is why he has taken a while to settle. But your right teething is a nightmare on top of seperation fears. My DS has had bright red cheeks bless him.

I get told in a diary what he has done today and how much he has eaten.

I have been VERY clear about needing to know this information as we have had a few problems with him not being offered his milk etc and I now have a very detailed diary. I think it pays to have a meeting with them and go through your worries. After the meeting put what they have agreed into writing for them to keep a copy. Keep talking to them, ask lots of questions.

Are you able to stay for a while at the start of the session?

BreevandercampLGJ · 04/11/2008 22:33

So give up work.....................

Original poster
ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 22:37

I just leave as soon as i say goodbye as I figure a prolonged separation isn't really the best thing. I will speak to them tomorrow about what I want written down. He's barely eating anyway cos of teething so I need to know what he's had during the day.

Bree, send me loads of money and I will gladly give up work! Have already gone part time to spend max time with him and that only just covers bills

OP posts:
BreevandercampLGJ · 04/11/2008 22:41

In that case make the most of the situation you find yourself in, or you will colour your long term memories.

Tell yourself you will review it in 12 months, do not waste your time and your childs life weeping over something you can not change.

I really do not understand this defeated attitude, I really dont.

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:41

Very helpful Bree

See what they say about spending a little longer in the morning, perhaps settle him into breakfast then leave?

My DS isn't eating either! Don't worry they won't keep it up! Maybe its a protest!

Chin up!

BreevandercampLGJ · 04/11/2008 22:43

Goldi

Last time I checked this was still an open forum. We are not NetMums, we are not full of fluff and rubbish, but more about sensible advice.

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:46

I don't have a clue what your on about Bree.

Original poster
ILickYourSlimySleeves · 04/11/2008 22:46

Yes helpful Bree, thanks. Of course I am making the most of it, that's why I have drastically reduced my hours so I can still spend time with DS. This is the real world and bills and mortgage still need paid. And I am just offloading, I know it will get better eventually and I do not feel 'defeated'.

Goldilocks, I can't really stay for longer as it takes 45 mins to drive to work and I start at 9am. I'll see how he is tomo, hopefully a bit better! At least he is only in for 2 days. I know it's good in the long run, it's just so hard just now.

OP posts:
goldilocksandmylittlebear · 04/11/2008 22:49

Chin up Ilick, good luck tomorrow x

RedLollyYellowLolly · 04/11/2008 22:52

It gets easier. Promise.

You and DS have been joined at the hip up to now and any kind of separation feels weird but soon it will feel more normal for both of you.

You will doubtless still have niggles with the nursery communications - God knows I do with ours! - but some of the "I need to know every mouthful he ate" feeling will go as you see that he is thriving on whatever he is eating whilst there.

You know that you are doing what you know you need to do for your family circumstances and so I'm sure you will learn to accept work, hopefully even enjoy the variety, eventually.

ScottishMummy · 05/11/2008 08:58

really this will be initially hard.but we all in same boat bills/mortgage.talk about nursery at home, really big it up.as hard as it is you need to imbue a this is a really good thing vibe

tbh no point ruminating will you still feel bad xmas, hell if you think you will still feel bad chances are you will

pragmatically you need to do this
nursery is a very positive experience for him and you

janx · 05/11/2008 13:18

hi
I am going back to work in a month and am dreading it. Have a dd - 4 who was so independent when I returned to work after a year, but ds is really a mummy's boy.
It will get better I promise and you will feel better - You just have to adjust and he will love it after a while - buy waterproof mascara but you soon won't need it!

Soon he will be wanting to do to nursery everyday

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 05/11/2008 22:31

Hi Ilick, hope today went better?

Bobie · 10/11/2008 09:15

Hi there,
New to this forum. I am in the same boat - been lots of tears over the last few weeks as I feel I will be abandoning my DD when I return to work tomorrow. All your advice is true - she will get used to it, so will I - we need the money etc; but cannot help feeling like I am the worst parent in the world! DD is nearly 1.

janx · 10/11/2008 09:31

Hey Bobie - I am going back next month...have been off for a year - did it 3 years ago with dd. It does get easier, honestly - I am not looking forward to it, but keep reminding myself how dd loved playing with all the other children and got so much out of it