Did you consider motherhood when chosing your career?

[shoedweller]

I always had it at the back of my mind. I always planned to work part-time when I had kids too. I wonder how many of us "sold ourselves short" career wise at a young age.

Not really. I wish I had though.

Did an MA and graduated at 22. Temped for two years while doing lots of (mostly unpaid) freelance writing.

Got my first staff job on a magazine at 24, one week before I found out I was pregnant! Total shock and not exactly the career move I would recommend.

Luckily writing is possible to do from home/ freelance/ flexible hours so it works out ok with being a parent, but I will never have the glossy London career I imagined for myself.

amidaiwish "there are very few jobs where you can do regular office hours and no travel, yet earn enough to pay 2 sets of nursery fees. most of these jobs require a flexible live in nanny to cover you effectively but very few pay enough for this to be a realistic option (and i never wanted to go down the nanny route)."

Not rambling - a pretty succinct résumé of reality .

Most career jobs (still) work on the assumption that you have a support system at home.

Nope, when I started work (in the music business) I was 17 and just wanted to live the rock'n'roll lifestyle... when I went into magazine publishing I was 21 and not at all sure I wanted kids. Also I had some vague idea that I would be able to work somewhere with a creche and take my kids to work with me.

The reality has been that aside from an occasional bit of freelancing, it would be nigh-on impossible to return to my old line of work. The hours are long, the pressure is high and the pay is crap.

Still trying to work out what to do next...

I'm like fircones friends in that I work in the public sector (am a Dr) and bought a flat in my 20s. Sadly a long way off being mortgage free however....

I assumed part of the reason we have so many female teachers is because of people thinking ahead to motherhood but perhaps I am just wrong on that.

The only women I know IRL who have gone back to work with pre-school DCs have got grandparents to provide free childcare. Ours live too far away so it's just not an option.

'

Here's the apostrophe that is missing from fircone's

Interestingly though, DH and I both travel for work (I do UK and international, he does UK) which means irregular hours for us both. We manage with just nursery - no nanny, au pair, babysitter or family help. So travel does not mean flexible childcare necessarily.

Yes, but also I never wanted a career that was completely all-consuming - I couldn't have coped with irregular hours with or without children! And I never wanted to be a workaholic.
So I deliberately opted for something that I knew would have flexible options, but would also be reasonably well paid.
I wouldn't say I've 'sold myself short' for the sake of having kids, more that I've always thought there should be more to life than work.

Yes actually. At 17 I knew i wanted a flexible career that would mean i could travel or not, work part time or not. I was planning for the long term.
Was just thinking about this the other day, that i did myself a favour 13 years ago but how did i know to do that?
I didn't sell myself short though. My chosen career is quite good with lots of potential to earn serious cash.

Never thought much about either. Just went along with whatever happened.

No, I completely didn't even consider it. It all seemed so far away, and I didn't even have a boyfriend. I wouldnt' even have know how to chose a good career for being a parent anyway. I entered a profession that I always thought I would love, find very fulfilling, but it would never pay me that much. I find it completely incomprehensible that by some bizarre twists of fate I have entered up in a niche section of said profession that pays extraordinarily well, but I work like a dog and have ended up with DH being a SAHD....I would never have planned for that, but it feels quite irreversible. Would I have change anything? Not really, cos I met DH in the job I'm still in, so possibly I'd still be single had I not gone down this path.

You can't really plan a life - life has a habit of screwing up your best laid plans anyway.

All those who said yes - would you have adopted /fostered if you couldn't have kids of your own? I would have. Do you think that makes a difference?

I agree, sycamoretree. I think Fate laughs in the face of well laid plans.

A few years ago magazines were full of smug people saying they had "life plans", which usually meant have great fun well-paying career, then meet rich man, have gorgeous kids, go to live in country in some style, start own business and appear again in magazine looking even smugger.

Now I suppose magazines will feature some woman saying, "I knew from the age of 13 I wanted to work for Blobbedy plc due to their supportive breastfeeding policy and flexible family arrangements."

yes... kind of.

At least, I realised decided that my chosen career that I'd worked at through my 20's wasn't going to be at all suitable, and changed. And got pg just as I changed, thus buggering up any chance of AML / maternity pay

I'm not at all sure that the change is going to work though, I am kind of regretting the 'jump' I made.

No.

I chose my career because I love it.

It is, on the face of it, the most impractical job to combine with parenthood I run an arts venue) BUT since DP is in the same sort of field we find that we can both work very very flexible hours and so by mxing and matching, it is very parent-friendly.

No money or pension though...which isn't necessarliy good for the next generation!

I also knew that I wanted to be able to combine work with a career. I had seen my mum struggle with frustration when she tried to restart her career after time out for kids, and knew I needed to plan things better!
So, whilst I didn't want an all consuming career, I also knew very strongly that I was never going to be a housewife. So I needed to choose something where combining work and kids at least looked to be a possibility.

All those of you who said you never gave it a second thought - did you REALLY never consider, even subconsciously, whether you wanted to be a working mum or not? Did you not look at your own mum's life and think about hte implications for yours?

work with a career??? ooops, I meant children with a career...(freudian slip perhaps!)

shoedweller, yes. i had always planned to adopt actually as i was concerned about some genetic issues I didn't want to pass on to my children. As it happens, when i met DH I felt differently and after lengthy discussion we decided to make our own.
not sure of the relevance though.

I just thought that if you're determined to have children no matter what you might be more likely to compromise. Whereas if you might fall into the 20% of those who never have kids you'd do what you loved doing and cross the kiddies bridge when you came to it.

I actually do have a full on career and am working full time - so all those people who said you can't plan ahead I completely agree with you. the adopting thing was more a point of what your attitude to having kids was at the time of choosing your career. I think it's fair to say some people want them more than others, but that that desire might fluctuate over time.

totally had a place at law college and teacher training
knew i wanted a family i may see rom time to time

have got it sussed now