Am royally hacked off - floweybeanbag I should have listened to you [sad]

[LittleMyDancingForJoy]

So (for those of you that didn't see my other thread) - I'm 14 wks pg, looking for a job, and last week got offered a good job with a gov't agency. Thinking that I was doing the decent thing (and going against advice on here, shall never do that again) I told them I was pregnant when they offered me the job, thinking that they couldn't withdraw the offer without being discriminatory.

Anyway, I asked them about the possibility of flexible working (4 days a week, possibly compressed hours) and they asked me in for a meeting today, which I've just had.

Now they didn't do anything technically wrong or illegal in the meeting, but I was left with the overall impression, reading between the lines, that they would much rather I turned this job down.

They talked a lot about how things are changing very fast in the team, and it's a very challenging time for the organisation. They went through the job description and emphasised how much work it is, and also emphasised that this person would have to travel to the regions on a regular basis.

They asked me if the travel to the office would be a problem (it's out of town and parking is limited) and whether I could do the regional travel.

They offered me right at the bottom of the salary bracket for the role, but said that everyone starts at what they called the 'interim' point, and then at the next pay review their performance is assessed and most people get a big jump in salary at that point.

They gave me a copy of their flexible working policy but said that it was at the manager's discretion, and they would not expect people to apply for it until they'd been in post at least a year or 18 months.

They said that compressed hours was not feasible on H&S grounds, especially as I'm pregnant.

At no point did they say anything encouraging like 'we are really keen for you to join us' or 'your experience really fits the role' or anything positive at all. In fact they avoided using any terms that implied that I would be taking the job at all.

So I was left basically feeling like they really hoped I would find it too difficult to take on and turn it down. There was lots of 'If you think you can do the role' and 'If you think you can deliver on those objectives' etc etc.

Not really sure if there's any advice people can give me, but I really expected better of a government organisation. I am hacked off, disappointed, and a little worried about the future.

LMDFJ - as long as you fulfil the criteria
MA you can apply for it After the birth and still get it (and they will backdate it up to 3 months I think)

You might get Maternity Allowance if:

you're employed, but not eligible for Statutory Maternity Pay
you're registered self-employed and paying Class 2 National Insurance Contributions (NICs), or hold a Small Earnings Exception certificate
you have very recently been employed or self-employed
You may be eligible if:

you've been employed and/or self-employed for at least 26 weeks of the 'test period' (66 weeks up to and including the week before your baby is due). Part weeks count as full weeks; and
you earned £30 a week averaged over any 13 weeks in your test period

www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchil dren/DG_10018869

can you cat me and tell me who the agency is? I know a great deal about the flexible/diversity related policies f civil service and may be able to help.

you can do the job
they have offered you the job
you should take it
they have to accomodate you unless they can prove you cant do the job/on performance grounds/health grounds (but need to make accommodations for you if you have a condition)
they cant get out of the flexible working regs just because they are trying to set something up fast

Hi,

Just reading your thread and a couple of things I'd suggest are:

• ring up for an informal chat and get a feel for how the boss sounds, does he sound happy, keen, encouraging... you can ring to discuss a start date

• in your position I would take the job, it's for 5 months before going on ML and so not a forever thing as yet, it'll give you a chance to see how you all adjust to you being at another employer, how your child gets on at Nursery, your husband etc

• ultimately if it becomes the wrong decision you are totally free to hand in your notice

Good luck!

I think, having discussed it with DP, that I'm going to take it. As people have said, it's five months work and if after that they still don't want to give me four days a week well then fair enough, but I'll give it my best shot.

DP is worried about me being stressed while pregnant, so am going to have work out some strategies to try and avoid that:

• have regular reflexology (I love it!)
• get a cleaner
• online food shopping and menu planning
• batch cook at weekends and freeze
• go to bed early (I'm thinking about 8pm )
• sleep at every opportunity....

Unfortunately I can't ring my boss Jill, although that's a good idea, as he's on holiday, so I'm stuck with the frosty head of department and the even more frosty I've-been-here-for-years-and-I'm-hanging-on-for-my-final-salary-pension lady.

Oh yes, that's another thing, they have a final salary pension - that's a good thing, right?

Overthemill - I don't really want to disclose the employer at the moment (although it's not hard to work out if you look where I live), if that's ok, but I'll be applying for flexible working in six months' time (on the dot!) so might well CAT you then, if that's ok?

Libra - on the MA front, I hope I'll be ok - I've been working for DP (on PAYE) for two months, plus then this new job, but was pregnant when I started with DP, so I should qualify I think? Fingers crossed.

You've all been so helpful with this, you are all marvellous

no problem, good coping strategies!!
hope you enjoy the job

Hmmmm, so I thought I had this sorted, but clearly not. DP and I had a big row this evening about the whole job thing.

Ever since I said I wanted to take it, he's been doing nothing but coming up with obstacles or problems - like he's worried about me getting very tired, and he's worried about DS suddenly going to nursery full time, and he's worried about the pick-ups and drop-offs etc etc.

Now I'm worried about those things too, but I really need him to tell me it's all going to be ok, because at the moment I'm feeling really sad and worried about working full time. He thinks we should get an au pair or a nanny, but I think it's really important that one of us drops off/picks up DS at nursery, and I can't face the whole trying to find someone good/reliable/trustworthy when we have a perfectly good nursery that DS loves.

He's also upset because I won't be working for him any more, even though it was always meant to be temporary, and even though I'm currently recruiting someone to replace me. Basically he's finding his business really hard work and needs someone to depend on in the office, but I don't feel up to supporting him at home and at work (emotionally, not financially). Plus working for him doesn't actually pay me enough to break even, we're living off savings every month as it is. He thinks more hours, but I don't actually like working for him.....

And then we went to see his dad today, who is an old-fashioned old bugger man, who went on and on at me about how women shouldn't work and have children, and how I shouldn't be rushing around when pregnant, because 'we don't want what happened last time to happen again, do we?'.

Because of course those heart defects were ALL MY FAULT.

So I came home and burst into tears and then we had a row, and then I took the car club car back and then when I got home realised I'd left DS' cd in there, so I'll have to go out again, so there were more tears.

Curse those hormones.

So now I still don't know if I should take this job.

Sorry, rant over!

Sorry long rant there, but I am back where I started in terms of indecision. The job is fine, no problem with the job. The sticking points in my mind are:

• the travel to the job
• DS having to go to nursery full time/me having to work full time

FILs comments didn't help, either

sorry FIL made such awful comments, how upsetting for you. I wonder if DH is feeling insecure because his business isn't doing as well as he would hope (i.e. well enough for it to be viable for yu to work there) so is in a bit of denial about you needing another source of income.

I think he is feeling insecure - not about the business not doing well enough, I think it's more about not having employees he can depend on. He has one really good one, but he's a developer not an administrator, and one that's flaky as hell.

We're advertising for an administrator who we hope will be like a right hand person for him, which I think will help him feel more secure, but even leaving that aside I'm worried about working full time and working in a place which is such a pain to get to.

The problem is they're a bit out of town, and don't have enough parking spaces, so you can only park there on alternate days. So on days I can drive in and DP is here, DP will drop DS off at nursery and I'll drive in early and leave early to pick up DS. No problem.

On days I can't drive in, then I have to get a bus which doesn't go very often (about every half hour), so if I miss it in the morning then I can't get in early enough to be able to leave in time to pick up DS, and if I miss it in the evening then I'm completely screwed in terms of picking up DS.

On days I can't drive in and DP is away....then I have to get DS ready for nursery on my own, walk him down to nursery, drop him off in time to get the bus into work, then get the bus back to pick him up, all of which means if we're running at all late the whole thing goes completely T**s up.

This is why DP thinks we should get an au pair, so DS would finish nursery at 4.30 as he does at the moment, and au pair would pick him up and take him home until we got back, hence no worries about missing buses etc etc.

hmm
an au pair costs aroun £65 - 80 a week and does 25 hours work. easily can do pick ups etc. also can help around the house so support you both

but is your relationship up to having another person around at the moment?

its clearly a really scarey time for both of you - what about having a meal out and chatting it all through?
good luck, it will work out

Well we are going to get a cleaner anyway, so maybe we could combine the two? I'm not happy about hiring someone who would have sole charge of DS unsupervised who wasn't a registered nanny or childminder, though.

I think we should just do it and see how it works out - I suspect my boss will be a bit more understanding than the head of department made out in the meeting, there's always a bit more wiggle room than they initially say, isn't there?

And it's not that the travel is impossible, it's just that it has to work on time, otherwise I miss buses and everything goes wrong etc.

And if it doesn't work out, or we need an extra pair of hands, then we work it out as and when.

i am just about to go back to work 4 days a week into a pretty demanding job after 7 years working from home.

we have set up:

childcare here 3 days a week, DH taking her to bus stop each morning

cleaner 2 days a week (first day today!)

online shopping

considering a gardener

emergency arrangement with friend in the village who will help out eg if dd is ill and needs collecting from school until we can get home

sorted out entire hosue to make it easierto manage

given everyone a list of 'their' jobs to do in house

started to cook extra meals to freeze some for when we are too tired to cook

bet there are threads on here that give advice too!!

I do have a lovely local friend who has said she'll pick up DS if I'm stuck, but she has two DCs of her own so it may not always be convenient.

My mum comes to my house on Tuesday mornings to look after DS until lunchtime, so if I ask DP to try to go away on Tuesdays, then I don't have to worry about drop offs on a Tuesday.

Mum will also pick up in an emergency, so that's another avenue.

I think I'm worrying about this too much. I think I just have to go for it, and cross my fingers it all works out.

agree it will work out, you are bound to be nervous

right, have briefed my step-nephew to find us a decent car and have got a cleaner coming round tomorrow to look at the house with a view to cleaning and ironing getting done.

Haven't emailed the employer yet to let them know, but that's because I've left their email address at home....will let the nursery know today that Ds will be there fulltime in the near future, and then shall panic a bit more!

thanks overthemill, you've been lovely!

have found her email address and written to accept the job. Gulp!

well done!! you know this will work out