OUTRAGEOUS, guess what my boss thinks of me, T..T

[lucy5]

I am still reeling from comments made by my bosses wife on Friday. I am an English as an Additional Language teacher, Degree, PGCE, professional qulifications and 10 years of experience. My boss has never shown me any respect and has always treated mr like a teaching assistant(no disrespect to TAs). I take small groups of non english speaking kids out of mainstream classes at an international school. I always assumed my primary head didnt understand my field as we come from very different backgrounds and he has not encountered EAL before. I now know the truth. For two days last week (as a favour) I covered a year 3 class. On Thursday my bosses wife ( a TA) asked me how it felt to be a proper teacher, I let the comment pass. On Friday she said that my boss was pleased that I coped with being a proper teacher, so I asked her how my boss saw me considering I have been teching for 10 years, all my quals etc. She said,.... Wait for it ... he saw me as a MOTHER. I'm not quite sure what to Infer from this sexist, stupid statement. Did all my experience, qualifications come out with the placenta, am I a cabbage brain who cant mother and teach at the same time. As you can tell from this very long rant I am furious not only because he thinks I cant do my job (which I hate by the way) but he has used the fact that I am a mum as something demeaning. The sad thing is, is that this man will decide if my contract is renewed, for a job, I dont want but have to do. What makes me doubley angry is that my dd aged 4 has glandular fever and I havent taken one day off because of it, which I feel terribley guilty about. Sorry rant over

qoute: I am rather stuck where I am because my school is one of the better(hahaha) schools in the area.

oh dear.

Well, well... I have noticed that UK is a paradise of political correctness since moving from Spain, even if you work in an English environment, is there any possibility that being perceived as a mother in the workplace doesn't have the same connotations in Spain as it does here?

In many cultures (particularly latin and med) being a mother gives you a special status and people respect you more for that, it's like you are a bit more..."untouchable" (in terms that they will allow you some extra points) because you are devoted to a very high purpose beside working. I know for sure that it's like that in some places in Spain, is there a chance that this is what your boss' wife was refering to? I believe she has to be terribly stupid to tell you something that makes you feel this way, specially when it combines the position of her husband and that they are related. I am good friends with some of DH's supervisees and believe me I would never be so stupid as to tell any of my friends what my husband thinks of them, nor would I tell DH about anything I have heard or they have said that could make him biased.

P.S. You are right about how impossible is to enter into the Spanish system, and if you are not Spanish it's even more difficult. When I moved from there one of the essential requisites to get a permanent position as a lecturer was the Spanish citizenship. Hope this has change by now, its clearly discrimination from the point of view of the ideals of the EU.

Haven't read the other comments but I can sympathise with your to a certain extent. I also had the 'pleasure' (my ar*e ) of working in an International school for a VERY short time, admittedly I was 'only' a TA. The money was good but that was IT. If you were one of the main teachers (mostly Americans BTW) then that was fine, anything less than that, even a 'teacher' undernearth the head of department you may as well not have been there. DREADFUL, people to work with seemed to think the sun shone where the sun don't shine........sorry got into a personal rant there.

Does he have kids???? If he does perhaps you could make a passing comment about him not being a bad teacher for a dad

"In many cultures (particularly latin and med) being a mother gives you a special status and people respect you more for that, it's like you are a bit more..."untouchable" (in terms that they will allow you some extra points) because you are devoted to a very high purpose beside working."

That's a good point actually Chandra - it's the same in many African countries too. to be called a 'mother' is actually quite a compliment

Hi chandra , im not sure I quite understand your first sentence, sorry. My boss and his wife are both English so I am 100% sure that this comment wasnt meant positively also given the fact that it was linked with being a proper teacher. You are quite right this woman was very foolish to say what she said. She has put me in an impossible situation, I don't know whether to talk to her about it or not. I need my contract to be renewed and at the moment i feel if I say nothing, it wont be because of how my boss percieves me or if I do, it wont because I will be seen to be a troublemaker, so i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place really.

I would wait until the contract is renewed, and even if the comment was made in a bad way, at least you know what ground you are on.

About my first sentence, you often hear the phrase "she is a mother" to indicate you are to be respected. Obviously is not that the thing makes you completely untouchable but I have heard it a lot in that context. Though you are the only one that really knows how the things are, I would still give them the benefit of doubt if they haad been livin there for quite a while (it rubs on with time )

Yes he does have kids, kids with free places which have been denied to my dd, even though other "proper teachers" have their children there for free. I wouldnt send her there now anyway. (this comment, is just the tip of the iceberg.

Chandra i wish this was the case. He has been in the country for about 6 months.

Then the thing is outrageous and the wife it's plainly stupid! Althoug.... why am I seing this after all I'm just a mother! . (however... hate the conotations grrrr!

seing?, saying I meant! would you admit me to one of your classes please?

Its nice that you could come up with something positive even though it wasnt, I appreciate it. Thats one of just a mothers skills turning bad into good.

speaking to the wife about it would get you nowhere imo. She is too small-minded to be thoughtful about how her comments made you feel and will only be bitchy and gossip to her dh.

I would hold my peace and my head up high. Keep all your bases covered so they can't make petty complaints and smile thru gritted teeth. A*seholes are everywhere.

How demoralising this must be. Fight to keep your pride and strength. Don't let the bullies win. You will reflect on this experience when you are working elsewhere and find that you have more strength than you believe you have at the moment.

Thanks Alux, you brought a tear to my eye.

Sorry you're caught in between a rock and a hard place - thank goodness you can rant about it here! Your head teacher sounds such a pompous, intellectual snob - and for no good reason.

What's the betting his wife is jealous of your skills and experience? I wonder how this man treats her? does she get much professional respect from him? chances are she doesn't.

I wonder if her jealousy prompted that that 'mother' comment? She just couldn't resist saying it. Perhaps it's what her husband says to her, too - and worse.

What a sad pair of people to work for. Good luck with your job hunting and hope your dh gets something very soon.

Thanks tigermoth, they are a couple of prats. I feel better for last nights rants but I really cant face going tommorrow, I think i'm going to be the talk of the staffroom as there were quite a few present during our conversation.

Believe me lucy5 you can face them. Everytime you face them with a smile and a kind (or even just a professional word) you are fighting back - and winning.

I understand your outrage lucy5 but take a step back - this what his WIFE has said. I'm not saying that he doesn't actually think what she's saying but tread very carefully!

Anyway, its not her place as either your subordinate or as his wife, to pass on comments on his behalf and if she had half a brain she'd know that!

She sounds jealous to me.

Thanks Alux, you always know just what to say.

Give ME a break. I am tired of seeing celebrities who are famous for, well, being famous. Stick your neck out and someone will throw stones.

I don't care what side of the bed she wakes up on. I am just having a bit of cheap fun this evenning.

OOOPs IGNORE my last post. I was commenting on Mrs Beckham and was on the wrong thread.

Jools, I think you are right. Last night I was all up for having it out with her but I now realise that this would make an already difficult situation worse. Im sure this is what he thinks as he has never shown me any respect but what he thinks and what he says are two different things. His choice of wife says it all, hahaha

gosh i thought my cover was blown and you had realised that really i am rebbeca loos, hahaha

Yep, you are on an upswing girl. His choice of wife DOES say it all. Good for you.

I agree - they sound like they were made for eaxh other!