How do you handle senior role stress and children?

[Custardcreams35]

Young school aged children and wish working life wasn’t so intense and left me no energy for the children at the end of it all. They are 4 and 6 and do wrap around care everyday, except for one day a week. Not really possible to work part time at my level and my job is intense and constantly dealing with difficult issues which is mentally draining.

I feel like I am heading straight to burnout, but I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked so hard for, or my salary/financial independence especially on such a difficult market.

How do others do it? Or if you changed things/walked away, how did you make a decision and how did it all work out?

I think you need to constantly assess whether the stress of the job is trickling into home life and what affect that will be having on children

I don’t have a choice but to continue a senior role as without it financially I’d be screwed - I am honest with my children though as much as I can be about the pressures of being alone single parent (in an age appropriate way)

I’m fortunate that I enjoy my job so I don’t have the added stress of hating it. I think it’s important to demonstrate to children that work doesn’t equal miserable parents.

Thanks for all your comments I really do appreciate them.

my job I started nearly two years ago and it’s never really felt like the right fit and I have really gritted my teeth through it at times. It pays well but the stress due to it being such a chaotic organisation is horrible. I am paid well, but our house is normal, our car is 8 years old and I would love to send the kids to private school but even for us it’s out of reach. We are very lucky and I am not discounting that but I don’t feel like the trade off is particularly worth it at the moment!

I can totally relate to this. When I’m not at work I’m honestly so blissfully happy, when I’m with my DH and kids and family and friends

I still hold a fairly senior role but did change jobs and bus WFH more and manage my own diary more such had improved life no end.

kids do wrap around. I also have a shift working husband so when he off he does school run so don’t have to use wrap and activities on those days and cooks tea etc.

I meal plan and use slow cooker a lot. I put a load of washing in every day.

it’s hard but the WFH factors has been life changing

I know this is a real cliche but their childhoods pass by so fast. Everyone says it and you go yeah, yeah, whatever, but now that mine are grown adults, I really feel it.

We should be aiming to enjoy life, not just endure it.

This is really interesting. Both me and my husband have senior roles, global so late and early calls. Both WFH so we can feel like we are around - but not really present. I earn more than I ever dreamed of but I think I might be at a point where I need to step down and go for something with less money and less pressure.

We only had 1 DC, DH took a low stress, local role so he could be around, we had a weekly cleaner and used full time nursery/wrap around.
All changed when DC was 6 and I got ‘managed out’, I negotiated a decent exit that gave us some breathing space. DH took a step back up to a much higher paying role and I managed to find a senior role in a much smaller company that was much more flexible and less stressful on similar money but without the guaranteed salary progression.
Cleaner and other paid help had to go but we got ourselves organised so not many things fell in the cracks.
now we are paying for private school due to bullying issues and DH is being made redundant so…

Thanks for your further comments all good food for thought.

It feels like to really perform at my job, I have to give everything. So when I get home I have nothing left and no patience for the kids. Even outsourcing stuff, there just isn’t enough mental energy to go around.

very impressive. Even outsourcing is a task and you’ve made it all so efficient. Wish I had done this rather than trying to balance it all myself. No one wins when it’s done by a run down mum. Somewhere some ball gets dropped and you only realise how big it was further down the line.

I managed to consolidate my FT hours into a four day week. Having a Friday off every week is amazing and gives me that work/life balance

I found 13-19 to be the toughest with my elder one. You can’t outsource raising a teen. It’s only mum (or dad perhaps) that they will talk to about friends, fears, bullying, detention, exams, drugs, sex and whatever else is happening in their ‘sphere’. Even drawing that out of them is so hard. You just have to be around and mentally present. Mine had a late diagnosis of ND as I was busy and took me too long for the penny to drop. Cost them their gcse grades and an eating disorder. But who was to know this would happen. Before my current ‘big’ job I’d always been part time. I thought now we are in secondary so all good, I can do the big job - but honestly it’s been harder than I thought. If anything I think I needed to stay part time or go full time but in a not so senior job.

There are no perfect answers. Just what you think will work for your family - and then be prepared to change that if it doesn’t work.

I find with these sorts of threads the focus is always on changing things at home, and never at work.

Can you get more staff, or spread more of the work with your team? Give people opportunities to step up and get experience etc or is it all on you?

Can you give less? I’m looking around currently and my company gets rid of people very easily, and they’re marched straight out. It’s made me realise there’s little loyalty the other way, even to people that have been there for years. I now don’t volunteer for any other projects (no longer care about exposure to stakeholders), say that I don’t have capacity for additional roles outside of my job description, and just work hard to make sure my team are doing what they need to do and meeting the goals we need to meet. As a people pleaser who’d always say yes to other tasks, I’ve started to say I cannot prioritise that sorry, we have so much work on already. It’s not like my bonus reflects that additional work, so I’d rather spend the time with my family than stay and do it

Exactly this! I have a 'big' job in banking and I realised that while the role and industry might feel all or nothing I do have choices about how much time and effort I give, and ultimately about how much I care. All the extra effort never gets reflected in bonuses. It's a balance of what you give versus what you get and you can only control one of those things.

Yes I am definitely trying to not let it mentally consume me completely. It’s so hard though when I want validation and I am a people pleaser!