Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Should I accept or reject

46 replies

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:17

I’m calling on mumsnet wisdom to help me with my conundrum.

I’ve just interviewed for a new role.

Here are the reasons why the new role is better than my current role:

It’s £15,000 more per year and comes with a local government pension (defined benefit)
It’s a senior role, with about the same seniority and responsibility as I have now. But more money. It’s line managing less people than I do now - but on more money.

Here are the new role cons for me:

They won’t agree to a compressed hours 4 day week. Which I have now. Over the years I’ve often maintained that the very fact I can mentally switch off from Thursday evening until Monday morning is the difference between life being totally manageable or not. We have two children - one in primary, one in secondary. The few hours they are in school on the Friday is the only time I feel able to decompress. I need alone time to recharge.

I’m in my early fifties. My DH and I are from working class families. Our remaining parents are in care homes and the state are currently working through the money from the sale of both properties. There will highly likely be nothing left inheritance wise.

Coming from very humble backgrounds I feel anxious about our small pensions. I also feel anxious about sudden unexpected health issues one day stopping us from being able to earn the salaries we currently do. I’m very concerned for our children who are going to have it very hard as a generation and I want to be able to give them something to make their lives easier. All of this makes me feel pressurised to take a better paid job if I was offered one. But equally I am knackered. I am perimenopausal, I’ve held high stress roles with a lot of accountability my whole life (but not a huge income attached to them), I’ve had to care for my DM for a decade alone.

My current role is high unachievable income targets and I have some people who I line manage who are the biggest headache in my entire career. They bring their ‘whole selves’ to work, they whinge, they are never happy, there are regular histrionics from them, and half the time I feel like I’m their mother, rather than their line manager.

I can’t decide what might be worse. Stay in my current role with the current team, several are which are very hard work to manage, income targets are soul destroying. But my own line manager is amazing.

Or move to the higher paying job, which is also income targets based, but is 5 days a week. However it’s a lot more money and just might mean I could breathe more easily in my early sixties. If I stay in my current role, my pension pot would be much less and I’d be trapped for longer.

Other random reflections = the people who interviewed me were nice enough and no major red flags. But I did think ‘hmm you all seem very corporate and beige personality’ whereas I’m used to working with liberal, eccentric but highly intelligent people with more colourful energy if that makes any sense. I recognise my viewpoints on the interview panel point could be my own bias and not a fair viewpoint to have on them. Likewise they could perfectly easily have thought I was too much for them.

I will be informed shortly of the outcome one but I need to be prepared with what I want to do if offered the new role.

Despite not offering a four day week, they are flexible on start and end times and the role is mainly WFH but will young children still at home, doing slightly shorter hours over five days instead of longer hours over four doesn’t really get me anything. I’d Judy finish slightly earlier to be faced with the graveyard slots of childbearing ie grumpy kids, sorting dinner and shuffling them out the door to school in the morning.

Help! I’m going around in circles.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/08/2026 20:21

Take the job, bide your time and apply for a compressed 9 day fortnight after probabtion.

BIWI · 11/08/2026 20:23

I agree with @RandomMess - things are always easier to negotiate once you're in place. And extra £15k is not to be sniffed at. You can pay more into your pension and you can pay for some help around the house.

BTW - what is your husband doing with regard to childcare duties/school drop-offs/pick-ups, food prep and cleaning?

AndnowIneedanewname · 11/08/2026 20:25

That LGPS pension is so valuable in your 50s. I assume at that age your primary aged kid is nearly secondary anyway. I'd take the local gov job.

Littletreefrog · 11/08/2026 20:29

Take the job. The LGP defined benefit pension is worth it's weight in gold. You can apply for compressed hours etc when you are established.

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 11/08/2026 20:30

Take the job for the long term benefits. They might change their stance on the compressed hours.

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:30

RandomMess · 11/08/2026 20:21

Take the job, bide your time and apply for a compressed 9 day fortnight after probabtion.

I asked for 9 day too and they said no. They said the reason the organisation says no to a 4 day compressed week is because it’s bad for work life balance and mental health. Which I think is absolutely nuts because it’s the only thing that’s enabled me to keep full
rime hours and a career since having children. A 9.5 hour work day is a breeze to me. But five 7.5 hour days fill me with DREAD. I work really well on longer days.

OP posts:
solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:35

BIWI · 11/08/2026 20:23

I agree with @RandomMess - things are always easier to negotiate once you're in place. And extra £15k is not to be sniffed at. You can pay more into your pension and you can pay for some help around the house.

BTW - what is your husband doing with regard to childcare duties/school drop-offs/pick-ups, food prep and cleaning?

I don’t really need help around the house. We’ve got a good system going. My DH is fully WFH too in a senior role and he’s very hands on. We equally share all drop offs and pick ups. But he’s much better paid than me, and still will be even if I take the new role. He’s very much at the level where he has a lot of responsibility, but he’s paid as much for his expertise as his hours present. He’s also been at his current job a long time and even though he does 5 days he can often go off and do his hobby for one afternoon a week if he wants. As long as he meets his targets. My job isn’t like that.

The house gets cleaned etc. I just need the mental and physical freedom of walking out the house on a Friday, alone, to breathe.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 11/08/2026 20:36

Having a defined benefit pension is a big plus and the pay increase will be helpful. Who looks after the children while you are working the longer hours at the moment and why does the new job mean it will now all fall to you?

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:39

AndnowIneedanewname · 11/08/2026 20:25

That LGPS pension is so valuable in your 50s. I assume at that age your primary aged kid is nearly secondary anyway. I'd take the local gov job.

I know. I did a basic calculation what this might be worth based on the salary of the job and it was really decent (for a working class person who is likely to inherit nothing)

But I’m scared I won’t see me drawing the pension because I’ll die from stress first.

OP posts:
solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:42

LadyLapsang · 11/08/2026 20:36

Having a defined benefit pension is a big plus and the pay increase will be helpful. Who looks after the children while you are working the longer hours at the moment and why does the new job mean it will now all fall to you?

My husband generally finishes work earlier than me. This sounds great but it’s really stressful because he’s demob happy in the house with the kids from around 4 pm. They all make a noise in the hallway right outside my office door and it’s very hard to concentrate when they are home. However the youngest will also be in high school in two years time and they’ll both be out of the house from 8 am to- 4:30 on and they’ll independent get the school bus to school and back. Neither me or my DH will have to do any school runs then.

OP posts:
seawitchandgarden2 · 11/08/2026 20:42

Flexibility is very important to me due to health issues so I would not take a job with a very rigid employer that won't consider a 4 day week if that is what you need/want.

It is obvious you need to leave your current job but that does not mean you need to take the first job offered if it is not giving you what you are really looking for.

Keep interviewing until you find the right fit as you need to consider your quality of life now, not just pension provision.

Slalomsfathoms · 11/08/2026 20:47

I personally would struggle with this. It’s one thing when the children are off but when mine return to school and there are all the clubs and school stuff to contend with, the thought of working full time would send me. My cup overfloweth

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/08/2026 20:54

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 20:42

My husband generally finishes work earlier than me. This sounds great but it’s really stressful because he’s demob happy in the house with the kids from around 4 pm. They all make a noise in the hallway right outside my office door and it’s very hard to concentrate when they are home. However the youngest will also be in high school in two years time and they’ll both be out of the house from 8 am to- 4:30 on and they’ll independent get the school bus to school and back. Neither me or my DH will have to do any school runs then.

I think if you decide to take the job there needs to be a conversation about changes around the house, demob happy is great when you’re all finished for the day/week but it’s unfair when someone is trying to finish up. I’m looking to move back to a five day week, and yes it’s a bit daunting but things change and the security of a defined benefit pension isn’t to be sneezed at. What does the pay rise actually get you after tax?

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:12

Jellycatspyjamas · 11/08/2026 20:54

I think if you decide to take the job there needs to be a conversation about changes around the house, demob happy is great when you’re all finished for the day/week but it’s unfair when someone is trying to finish up. I’m looking to move back to a five day week, and yes it’s a bit daunting but things change and the security of a defined benefit pension isn’t to be sneezed at. What does the pay rise actually get you after tax?

I’ve tried these conversations over the years. But it’s just impossible to get two kids to pipe down when they come in the house. My DH does his best but when a 9 year old comes home at 3.30 and is bawling their eyes out for whatever random reason, or the bickering starts with the older siblings - my DH intervening to tell them to keep it down is louder than if he just said nothing to them. It’s not his fault. It’s not their fault. It’s just their age right. They are very good kids but their executive functions are what they are - immature.

The pay rise would get me an extra £1500 per month after tax (and that’s after I would have paid my % into the LGPS). ALL of this could go straight into a stocks and shares ISA. We don’t need it to live on. Well some people would say they need it but we don’t drink, we drive ancient cars, our holidays are camping trips. Our mortgage will be paid off in tow years time. But we can aggressively shove that extra £1500 per month into investments from next month if we wanted to. And have a big reduction in outgoings when the mortgage ended in two years. This will free up another £1200 a month. we can add that to the £1500 per month to invest.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 11/08/2026 21:13

Take the offer if/when it comes !

also your current boss might be amazing but he might not be there tomorrow ; you might end up with new grumpy boss on top of the grumpy team

finally bear in mind, generally things are dead on Fridays …I work for two massive corporate clients and on Friday they’re all sleeping !
Id take new job !

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:14

BrentfordForever · 11/08/2026 21:13

Take the offer if/when it comes !

also your current boss might be amazing but he might not be there tomorrow ; you might end up with new grumpy boss on top of the grumpy team

finally bear in mind, generally things are dead on Fridays …I work for two massive corporate clients and on Friday they’re all sleeping !
Id take new job !

This is a really good point. I needed to hear this. I’ve had awful bosses in the past and my current one is awesome. But like you say, he might not be here next month himself. Also think the Friday thing might be official on paper but in reality everyone downs tools from midday. Allowing me my much needed introvert time on my own.

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/08/2026 21:19

Take the job.

Your children arent babies you can have.4 hrs to yourself per week.

If necessary I'd just start an imaginary "class" on sat / sun AM/ PM which tales 3-4 hours.... take yourself off and "decompress"

DB pension is not to be sniffed at....

You should also look at optimising your time. Get up early and meditate
Go sit in the park on your lunch hour.

You've just told yourself this narrative of I NEED this day alone... but do you? Does it have to he a friday... maybe half.with reason you feel frazzled is you are doing 10/11 hour days???

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:22

seawitchandgarden2 · 11/08/2026 20:42

Flexibility is very important to me due to health issues so I would not take a job with a very rigid employer that won't consider a 4 day week if that is what you need/want.

It is obvious you need to leave your current job but that does not mean you need to take the first job offered if it is not giving you what you are really looking for.

Keep interviewing until you find the right fit as you need to consider your quality of life now, not just pension provision.

Yep I hear you. But the job market is absolutely brutal out there at the moment. I keep making the cut - I’ll beat 140+ other candidates to the interview stage, which is great I know,
then I make it to second stage, then miss out at the final stage. Candidates are really strong for senior roles now. Organisations can take their pick. People are breaking under the COL and anything over the national average salary seems to be attesting stellar candidates. I interview and shortlist myself in my current role and the jump in number of applications and the quality of allocations has been immense in the last two years.

OP posts:
solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:25

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/08/2026 21:19

Take the job.

Your children arent babies you can have.4 hrs to yourself per week.

If necessary I'd just start an imaginary "class" on sat / sun AM/ PM which tales 3-4 hours.... take yourself off and "decompress"

DB pension is not to be sniffed at....

You should also look at optimising your time. Get up early and meditate
Go sit in the park on your lunch hour.

You've just told yourself this narrative of I NEED this day alone... but do you? Does it have to he a friday... maybe half.with reason you feel frazzled is you are doing 10/11 hour days???

Very good point. You might be right. I might actually be less frazzled if I did shorter days Monday-Thursday and maybe Friday morning. If I could get them to agree to that. Thank you these are all things I need to hear.

be funny if I don’t get offered the role now 😂

OP posts:
MustTryHarderAndHarder · 11/08/2026 21:26

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:12

I’ve tried these conversations over the years. But it’s just impossible to get two kids to pipe down when they come in the house. My DH does his best but when a 9 year old comes home at 3.30 and is bawling their eyes out for whatever random reason, or the bickering starts with the older siblings - my DH intervening to tell them to keep it down is louder than if he just said nothing to them. It’s not his fault. It’s not their fault. It’s just their age right. They are very good kids but their executive functions are what they are - immature.

The pay rise would get me an extra £1500 per month after tax (and that’s after I would have paid my % into the LGPS). ALL of this could go straight into a stocks and shares ISA. We don’t need it to live on. Well some people would say they need it but we don’t drink, we drive ancient cars, our holidays are camping trips. Our mortgage will be paid off in tow years time. But we can aggressively shove that extra £1500 per month into investments from next month if we wanted to. And have a big reduction in outgoings when the mortgage ended in two years. This will free up another £1200 a month. we can add that to the £1500 per month to invest.

Edited

How would it give you an extra £1,500 a month after tax if you are only getting £15,000 more a year?

solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:27

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/08/2026 21:19

Take the job.

Your children arent babies you can have.4 hrs to yourself per week.

If necessary I'd just start an imaginary "class" on sat / sun AM/ PM which tales 3-4 hours.... take yourself off and "decompress"

DB pension is not to be sniffed at....

You should also look at optimising your time. Get up early and meditate
Go sit in the park on your lunch hour.

You've just told yourself this narrative of I NEED this day alone... but do you? Does it have to he a friday... maybe half.with reason you feel frazzled is you are doing 10/11 hour days???

Also, one day a fortnight is office based. I’m thinking that might feel like a holiday because I won’t be in ear shot of the kids when they come home!

OP posts:
solarmagnetsandwich · 11/08/2026 21:29

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 11/08/2026 21:26

How would it give you an extra £1,500 a month after tax if you are only getting £15,000 more a year?

Because I currently put £900 per month into a (shit) workplace pension. Because it’s shit. They put in 6% and I decided in desperation to put in 35% to try to boost my pension. I won’t need to put in so much in the new role because the LGPS is so good.

OP posts:
TheVeryAngryBanana · 11/08/2026 21:30

It sounds like beige people might be an advantage over your current lot! Very few people are truely beige when you get to know them, but less colourful is often easier.

If you work from home on Fridays, is it likely to be a meeting free day to get paper stuff done? You might find that you actually can get you time then, do some chores, go for a run, have a quiet coffee etc.i know it's not the same, but it might work.

Gengha · 11/08/2026 21:33

if they won’t do compressed will they do 0.8 or 0.9 FTE?

ranchdressing · 11/08/2026 21:36

Take the job and get a relaxing hobby like yoga or painting to decompress on one of the mid-week evenings

Beige people are the best to work with - they wont take up as much headspace as your current team