Meeting up with previous colleagues after leaving job

[candyfloss06]

I left my job in March of this year. I got on very well with all my colleagues and there was no bad feeling when I left.
I still would like to keep in touch with these colleagues for lunches etc. The problem is I have put out feelers to them, sending text messages re possible meet ups, but have got vague texts back, saying would love to meet, but for whatever reason there hasn’t been any meet-ups yet.
I would like to keep up with them. I appreciate many people say well “work colleagues aren’t your real friends”, but I spent a good number of years alongside these people and tbh I’m a bit surprised.
Is it a lost cause and should I just focus on keeping up with my other friends or would people have experience of this?

I think there's a difference between colleagues whom were actually friends whom you see out of work and those you only see in work. Even if they're the latter, you could still have occasional meet ups but if you've put feelers out and they're being vague then I'd say they're not interested. If they weren't actually your friends then that's fair enough.

"As far as I know, they’re finding it difficult to get a replacement for me, so maybe they don’t want to meet up with me yet, if they’re under pressure at work, due to lack of staff"

You are kidding yourself, somewhat, they don't want to is the only reason they won't commit @candyfloss06

Even after 16+ years, you were a colleague with whom they happily socialised, outwith work, obviously not.

I do appreciate this sounds a bit harsh but it has ever been thus.

It is unnecessarily harsh I think, why are you putting my post in bold?
Im only looking for advice, but yours is nasty.

Yes, you left the organisation that still enploys them and which they need to keep in with to keep collecting their salaries. Leaving implies criticism in some way or you wouldn't have left. Just being with you could be unsettling for them. It isn't you, it's the situation.

The bold was just to highlight the more salient points in your posts, which you were using to justify possible reasons for their reluctance.

It's a pity you took it as nasty though @candyfloss06, I spoke purely from personal, previous experience. 😔

From all the years I worked I have one friend who was a colleague. I was at my last job for ten years and, as I said in my leaving speech, we saw each other through births, marriages and deaths. I never heard from the three of them again. You spend a lot of your life with work colleagues but it’s an artificial environment like a holiday romance.

Send out a group whatsapp asking them out for a meal and drinks at a given time and on a given day. See what response you get from that.

if you put out "feelers" you are going to get vague replies.

What about one on one? Did you have one special friend? Are you still in contact with anyone via text etc?

I think trying to herd a work crowd for a night out just to see you is impossible. Maybe half of them don’t get on
with each other - or maybe the social
function is to download about work details which they can’t do with you there.

Why not invest time in your new jobs social life?

In a 40+ year working life i have only 1 friend who i have kept in contact with. When I retire in a couple of years time I will not be making an effort to keep in touch beyond Facebook or LinkedIn.

I got made redundant from a previous employer in 2022. In 2025 the employer was celebrating 35 years in business. The employer held a party and invited me and other past employees to attend . I went along with another former colleague. All the chat was very superficial. The colleague I given a lift to was invited to go to the pub after the "do" and I wasn't...despite being in the same clique when we all worked together. I won't be attending another event.

I have kept up with some ex work colleagues after leaving nearly 6 years ago! But it’s mutual. I was good friends with another lady but we only saw each other a couple of times. I would’ve liked to have stayed in touch more but she didn’t stay in touch with anyone else either.

I would not have wanted to keep in touch with most of my work friends once I left. But then I left the city and went to uni so we were leading completely different lives. I did keep up with one ex colleague for about a year by phone but then it fizzled out. I never made close friends once I moved into academia. Now I appreciate they were all situational friends.

I keep in contact with 2 of my old colleagues (was 3 but I lost one to cancer last year 😢). I was at university with one of them, though, so we have been friends for many years and have done all of the life events around the same time (we are both 54). The other lives near me and has remained in touch. We often meet I up as a group and miss our other friend, dearly.

Most other colleagues just stopped messaging me, responding on FB etc. I just deleted them all in the end as it clearly wasn’t a 2-way street.