Meeting up with previous colleagues after leaving job

[candyfloss06]

I left my job in March of this year. I got on very well with all my colleagues and there was no bad feeling when I left.
I still would like to keep in touch with these colleagues for lunches etc. The problem is I have put out feelers to them, sending text messages re possible meet ups, but have got vague texts back, saying would love to meet, but for whatever reason there hasn’t been any meet-ups yet.
I would like to keep up with them. I appreciate many people say well “work colleagues aren’t your real friends”, but I spent a good number of years alongside these people and tbh I’m a bit surprised.
Is it a lost cause and should I just focus on keeping up with my other friends or would people have experience of this?

I have a couple of friends that were old work colleagues that I stay in touch with, we meet up every couple of months, normally go for a Chinese.
The planned meals are a two way street it’s not just me suggesting it.
There have definitely been occasions where they or I have had to cancel or reschedule over the years. March wasn’t to long ago, maybe they are genuine.
Send a text when they cancel saying.. That’s a shame, let me know when you can meet and leave it with them, they will either contact you or they won’t.

Totally a lost cause. It’s so strange because you often spend more time with work colleagues than your own family for years . Then you leave and people make promises sbout keeping in touch but it rarely happens. Work moves on, you are replaced and that feeling of closeness evaporates.

It’s like a less extreme version of strictly where the Celebs and professionals are always banging on how much they love each other and how it’s a family. Once the show is done though, nada.

In my case my ex colleague wants to meet in daytime and I am still working then! I also have two kids so most days after school involve kids/clubs/dinner and I just don't have many free weekends. Of course if they were desperate to meet up they would, but sometimes just being busy gets in the way

Move on

Some people are friends for life and others are situational friends. It’s possible that whist these people saw you as a friend it worked due to proximity.

Did you socialise a llot outside of work when you worked together?

Yes we did socialise, but tbh it was mainly going for lunch during working hours. Does this count! Also went out for Christmas and peoples’ “big birthdays “ etc
Always got on very well and spent hours with these people, but appreciate proximity now could be an issue.

I love the Strictly analogy! You’re probably right, things move on even with the best of intentions.

Could you meet them for lunch near work?
You may have thought you were close friends, but unless you spent time together outside of work- and lunchtime doesn’t really count- it was situational. That doesn’t mean you weren’t proper friends though.
I have a few ex colleagues that have transitioned into friends, it usually works better when both of you have left the employer.

Yes I could arrange to meet, that’s what I have been suggesting but no dice yet. I’ve left other jobs and this feeling was never a problem, but I was in this job 16+ years, so I thought it might be different. I appreciate as the weeks go by, it should be easier.
I agree with you saying it would be easier to meet up with someone who has also left the company.

I've made some of my best friends at work. But I've made many more work friends who I haven't kept in touch with after leaving the job, despite the best of intentions.
In any case it's only June, so I wouldn't write them off just yet. Most people are busy, especially over summer with holidays, weddings, parties etc. Maybe try again to arrange something at the end of the summer, give them a chance to miss you a bit!

What with working, raising a family and looking after my elderly mum, l barely have time to see friends let alone ex work colleagues - harsh as it sounds, you might just not be a priority for them at the moment op.

I've been working for 30 years, known countless work 'friends' over the years and never kept up after they've left beyond a Happy Bday on FB.

Generally the only thing you really have in common is work. I have tried meeting up with some people a few times but they only seem to want to catch up on office gossip, find out if their replacement is as wonderful as they were and being smug about leaving! A few bad experiences over the years has put me off ever doing it again.

Thanks for that reply - yes agree that we’re coming into the Summer and people are busy with everything/holidays etc. As far as I know, they’re finding it difficult to get a replacement for me, so maybe they don’t want to meet up with me yet, if they’re under pressure at work, due to lack of staff.

No, I completely get that.

You left. It unsettles people who aren't rock solid in their jobs themselves to mix with people who upped and left. They don't want to hear you say how much better off you are for moving or hear you go over any of the negatives you left for.

Have you worked in the same place for 30 years? Maybe I have misunderstood you. I certainly wouldn’t want to be meeting up looking to see regarding my replacement, it’s more a catch up I’m after, but I appreciate your reply.

Yes, same employer for 30 years. Seen 100's come and go over the years.

I appreciate your reply but I wasn’t intending to approach a meet up like that. Just a catch up at lunch, nothing deep. But I’m grateful for all the opinions. I left for my own reasons, but it shouldn’t affect day to day chit chat or do I sound naive?

I have to say if you didn’t normally meet up outside the office it’s less likely to work out I’m afraid.

You need to move on op and find a new social outlet.

They don't know what you'll want to talk about or where the conversation might lead. It's safer for them just to avoid you. I got very hurt by someone who was a (foursome meals out). friend, but his wife rang me to explain why we weren't meeting up any more.

There is a lot of truth to this, I think. Besides, good relationships with work colleagues are situational.

I will, have plenty of hobbies and other friends, but there was a nice core group of us in my old job, but I guess what will be will be.

Thanks for your comment but I don’t actually get why they would avoid me? Seems a bit extreme, I haven’t changed, I’ve just changed my job.

It's only been a few months. I can go that long without seeing my best friend. Life is busy and lining up free time can be difficult. I wouldn't give up on them just yet.
My best friend was a work friend about 15 years ago. We got even closer after I'd left the job. I've had other work friendships which faded but some do become very close personal friends.