Sexual hate at work. How serious should I take this??

[cocobeanz]

While waiting to leave work, I spoke with a male manager. This was my first day. During the conversation, manager discussed his previous relationship and family, stating that they were racist and that he would take a woman of colour to a hotel but not bring her home to meet his family. He then asked about my dating life and age, which I did not disclose, and described me as attractive (or words to that effect). I am also a person of colour.
As I was leaving, he stood between me and the door and extended his arm. I believed he was offering a handshake, but he said he wanted a hug instead. During the hug, he deliberately tickled my waist for approximately 3 seconds. I felt uncomfortable and told him I was not ticklish because I wanted the tickling to stop and to avoid making the situation more awkward.
I then left and went home. I did not raise the matter immediately because I needed time to process what had happened and wanted to ensure I was not overreacting before making a complaint.

🫠

That's very very inappropriate and you should report it.

The concern is if no one was there to witness or no proof it can become a he said she situation but I would still report and also be ready to find a way to either record or something the next time he tries it because vile idiots like that will try again.

And this was just your first day?

Wtf?!!! I'd definitely be making a complaint. That is just creepy and weird and the fact that he's a manager is disgusting because he's got power over you if you see what I mean. Definitely complain asap. That is just too bloody weird

@IlovelifeverymuchThere’s CCTV where we were I just don’t know if it was actually working at the time. I’m going to call and ask tomorrow.

Yup my first day. Mind you, I had only just met him

Righhht?! I was wondering if I’m reading too much into it. I was so confused in the moment I didn’t even know how to react.

His behaviour is totally out of line. Do you report to him?

You should take written notes of all incidents including this one (dates, times). It is best to avoid him if you can until you work out the lie of the land at the company, as this is your first day. No more hugs or even handshakes. Just be polite and never alone with him.

How long is your probationary period?

Ultimately you would want the evidence if you needed to make a complaint against him, preferably after you have cleared probation, which is why I asked if you report to him.

No, he was being a complete creepy weirdo. He was basically telling you that he'd go to a hotel and have sex with you but wouldn't have a relationship with you. As if you'd want one with a twat who does that kind of shit😂 definitely complain. Did anyone else hear what he said to you?

Aw that's sad. Awful that this stuff is happening

The CCTV, if it exists, will show you both consensually hugging. I am not sure it helps. I hate to ask but why did you agree to hug him? He is totally creepy to even suggest it. Is this your first job?

There is an imbalance of power and he totally exploited it. He should be worried for his job but I am not sure if this is something he has managed to get away with at the company for a long time.

Well he sort of blocked the exit I was heading towards. He also caught me off guard and yes there’s definitely a power imbalance. He’s my manager.
the cctv would show him putting his arm out I thought he was going for a handshake so I put my hand out and then he told me he wanted a hug. It’ll also show the tickling. I also know way too much about his dating history and life that I couldn’t know otherwise. The whole day I only interacted with one other person who was also new so she couldn’t be the source of all the personal info he shared

Unfortunately not. It was just the two of us. However he shared a lot of very personal info about his life that I wouldn’t know otherwise. So I’m hoping that would go towards proving there was some sort of inappropriate convo going on from his end

His behaviour amounted to

1. Discussion about his sexual proclivities- sexual intimidation
2. Overt racism- I would treat a person differently depending on their skin/ethinicity.
3. Forced physical contact with with a sexaul assault.

All inappropriate on the first day with a subordinate.

Get it down on an email to yourself so you can time/date stamp it officially.

We know that sexual abuse takes time to perculate before you realise it has happnened and this is situation was not different. Perportrates don't behave like this because you are weak, they behave like this because they it works in the moment and then they can deny it later. He is behaving like this to assert is control over you. You won't be the first and you won't be the last.

What you do next is up to you. You should report to HR but they can be tricky depending on his position in the organisation and the dirt he has on the other mangers/CEO. I would personally look for a new job and then report it.

Luckily I have another option for work so I’m definitely not going back. I will definitely report it today. I first want to find out if the cameras were working. If they were then I’ll definitely go ahead with my complaint.

I am delighted you are in pole position to make your manager's life distinctly uncomfortable. He thought he has power and control over you, but you have F--Off options he was not aware of in your other work option.

And now you can turn the tables and screws on him ... this is deeply satisfying.

Great tactic to find out about the CCTV cameras. Don't resign until you have put in the formal complaint in writing, copied HR and the CEO. Give it a few more weeks before resigning if possible. The minute you resign, HR won't take your complaint seriously and they will sweep it under the carpet. Make the company feel they have a sexual harassment and racial/sex discrimination claim coming.

What a dreadful experience, OP. Please do report it to HR once you know about the CCTV. My fingers are crossed that it was working. It makes me furious that women are still having to deal with this kind of cr*p 40 years after my generation did when we started work.

What happened to you is serious and you are absolutely not overreacting. The racial comments combined with the unwanted physical contact from a manager constitute both racial and sexual harassment under the Equality Act 2010 — you have clear legal protections even on day one of employment, there is no qualifying period for discrimination claims.
Write down everything now with times and exact words while it's fresh. Report it to HR in writing so there's a paper trail. If there's CCTV request that it is preserved.
If you want to understand your rights in more detail, ukworkrights.co.uk has a free discrimination checker that covers exactly this — no login needed.

It depends. In the grand scheme of things, he's a stupid man who doesn't have boundaries. I would put it down to experience and arm myself with lines to deliver the next time he tried anything similar. I wouldn't complain because if one was to complain to HR, EVERY time a sleazebag crossed their path, most of the population (men and women) would be unemployed. Put it down to experience and focus on building your career.

Bloody hell, that’s totally inappropriate, I’d be furious. You must report. I’d also be recording any further meetings I had with him.

Don't listen this nonsense @cocobeanz

You've been racially and physically harassed by a senior member of staff.

Do make sure it's taken seriously before you leave.

Is there an HR Dept? Who is his senior? Sorry you may have said already, I leapt in after the above.

Oh, it was only 2 posts above 🤣

Copy in HR to the request for CCTV....

Pursue this. He will be judging everyone according to sex and race. He is a liability to his organisation. He will not be promoting appropriately or dealing with clients equitably or in any person to mentor juniors.

Totally unacceptable behaviour

Did you encourage him in any way OP?

And this is why all women should be in a Union from day one of their working life. A Union would immediately take your case up for you.

Fortunately women's Union Membership rising and we re now approaching 50% of Unions being led by women.

The man is over a decade older than me and has not a single tooth in his mouth 😭😭😭 definitely didn’t encourage him

WTF?