Sexual hate at work. How serious should I take this??

[cocobeanz]

While waiting to leave work, I spoke with a male manager. This was my first day. During the conversation, manager discussed his previous relationship and family, stating that they were racist and that he would take a woman of colour to a hotel but not bring her home to meet his family. He then asked about my dating life and age, which I did not disclose, and described me as attractive (or words to that effect). I am also a person of colour.
As I was leaving, he stood between me and the door and extended his arm. I believed he was offering a handshake, but he said he wanted a hug instead. During the hug, he deliberately tickled my waist for approximately 3 seconds. I felt uncomfortable and told him I was not ticklish because I wanted the tickling to stop and to avoid making the situation more awkward.
I then left and went home. I did not raise the matter immediately because I needed time to process what had happened and wanted to ensure I was not overreacting before making a complaint.

🫠

Yikes

I'm sure she would have been hitching up her skirt and flashing her naked thighs at her manager on her first day in the job so it's all her fault. What did she expect? She should know that men can't control themselves.

That’s sexual harassment. Very similar scenarios in my business conduct training. Report, report. I hope your company has a 0 tolerance policy for this and you’ve not just uncovered the guy who does it to all the girls who everyone knows about but is somehow untouchable.

Very sinister.
How absolutely awful.
Blocking your exit is shocking.
I would consider reporting it to the police if there is footage, or at least ringing 101 tfor advice.
Ring ACAS for advice to.
Get it all down in an email asap while your memory is clear.

Glad you do not have to stay.
I would put in the email that you will not be staying due to such a disturbing incident on your first day, which has caused you to feel most unsafe.

Fxxking creep.

He sounds like a complete lech and sex pest. Definitely complain! You shouldn’t have to put up with this shit at work (or at all!).

That's awful. If that's what he'd do on day one, how would he escalate? I'm glad you have an alternative job. I hope you feel able to report it.

He is a predator who has a fetish for women of colour.

If you are in a union I would seek their advice.

But I don’t really see how it will be possible for you to work with this man. He is a sexist, racist fetishist.

No you're not.

He assaulted you.

I’m so sorry you experienced this! I’m also disgusted that some of the comments here do not understand this behaviour was sexual harassment and racist.

Women need to be taught how to shut stuff like this down before it escalates.
"I want a hug" .... "I'm not a hugger" etc

Male managers need to learn how to behave themselves and not sexually harass people.

This.

Yes but we don't live in an ideal world, learning to steer a conversation, stop it dead in its tracks, rebuff unwanted advances, identify where a conversation is headed and change the subject are useful skills.

Useful skills that some women had through the 20th century. Other women didn't and endured horrible harassment. A quarter of the way into the 21st century and women are still being told - on this board - to put it down to experience and learn avoidance skills? OP I'm glad you have another job option and I hope it goes well for you. Meantime, if this creep has a complaint filed against him he might learn to keep his hands off people who have just turned up to earn a living.

That’s harassment, racist behaviour, inappropriate comments. Triple whammy.

Complain, he should lose his job.

OP is a woman on her first day of work. She has 0 power in the situation and doesn’t know the man well enough to know where his comments were going to steer them. She’s also a POC so may have felt especially nervous to appear confrontational or in some other way ‘aggressive’ as negative stereotypes particularly affect women of colour in the workplace.

Employers need to crack down on this guy. He is bringing them into disrepute if nothing else.

You are deliberately misunderstanding. Of course OP should report the behavior but if somone wants to hug you and you don't want to be hugged learn to say so! people have voices, body language, facial expressions that can be used to navigate tricky situations and shut them down quickly. Women are still conditioned to be polite, not cause embarassment, they need to be taught differently.

There will be other women at work, for sure, who will be glad you reported him!

What terrible advice. You hang out/work in rubbish places.
Ive been in employment for 40 years of one sort or another in many industries. Only in a couple of places have I heard blatant racism or received creepy behaviour. One in a call centre to racists women (both reported, their pathetic boss did very little) and as a waitress (endless sleazy wankers). Both of those were 30 years ago. If I heard such behaviour now I would come down on it so hard.

Please fuck off

Doesn't appear to be the case,
Unfortunately predators take the lack of any strong negative reaction to their behaviour as a green light.

I’ve just stumbled across this post and really hope that OP reported this creep. It makes no difference whether the CCTV was working or not, a complaint should be made.

The ‘advice’ not to report is mind blowing! Every time these creeps do anything women need to report it.

Questioning whether the OP was flirting or in anyway encouraged this creep are also mind-blowing. Just pure misogyny in action.

OP - I hope you’re ok and that you’ve moved onto a workplace you feel comfortable in. I also hope you made it very clear why you didn’t return after day 1 of your original job.

Wow was there a time warp back to the 1970’s?
This man’s behaviour was beyond inappropriate and I fear he has targeted you. It sounds like he likes to have sex with women of colour and he’s letting you know you meet his brief.
As others have said, avoid being alone with him. If in the same room have an exit strategy and keep the door open.
It’s hard being the new less senior but I think you need to get this event in writing, preferably time stamped.
How long is the cctv kept for?
This is just so shit! New job and treated like this on day 1. He shouldn’t be a manager.