How would you handle a dismissive manager over increased office attendance?

[Pinkie89]

A manager at my workplace often has an attitude. She’s not a team player and is one of those that’s “I did this, I did that”, meanwhile ignoring everything her team has done. If you challenge/offer a differing opinion she is very defensive and not at all supportive.

We have been told we need to attend the office more. Concerns about this were raised during the meeting but she pulled faces, dismissed them and said things like “it’s longest for me to travel so you’ll all have to suck it up”… it’s actually about even in terms of commute and she completely ignored the fact that she earns considerably more than the people in her team. I’m fed up of biting my tongue at her appalling attitude and the suck it up comment has frustrated me, it’s so unprofessional! She shows no compassion or support generally. What would you do in this scenario? I’m considering e-mailing her and raising my concerns with HR. She hasn’t done anything particularly bad however her general attitude stinks and a number of people in the team are not happy and it’s building up to people feeling over worked and under appreciated and I’m fed up of being looked at and spoken to like an idiot!

I think if you want to raise a complaint to HR you’ll need to think about how you word it and you’ll need some far more specific examples. What you’ve written here is too vague to be taken seriously.

What are you actually trying to achieve? If you just don’t feel you can work with her anymore maybe you should request a move to another team or look for a new job? I do recognise that working with a patronising and dismissive manager is really frustrating.

Honestly you'll get no where with that sort of complaint unless you can list specific examples and times of things she has said which are inappropriate .

I think you might find that the other people will not put up their hand to support you so I'd let them raise their own issues. You'll just end up looking like a trouble maker and loon.

Speak to your union, or join one. It seems crazy to make people travel in unless there's a good reason, especially in these days when we all say we're eco conscious, family conscious (and wfh, if you have some flexibility with hours, must make it far easier to have a family), and care about animals (who surely prefer their owner being home).
And in my job, I can't wfh, but I support it for the reasons above, even though it doesn't benefit me, because so many people do benefit, and they get much more work done.

Where you specifically hired to work from home or work from the office?

My answer differs depending on your answer.

As for your manager having "me me itis" there is really nothing you can do it's just what they do and think its perfectly normal

Yes purposefully being vague as I don’t want to be identifiable. Which I know isn’t entirely helpful.

I would like for my opinion to be heard, considered and supported instead of instantly dismissed, spoken down to, and like I’m beneath her purely because she’s a few grades higher than me. Basically the absolute minimum from a manager! I don’t expect to be told to “suck it up” when raising genuine concerns such as a change to the terms I agreed to when joining the company.

Yes I wouldn’t start quoting others or bringing their opinions in to anything. I wouldn’t throw them under the bus like that.

Definitely join a union!
Then it depends where the message came from. If 'back to the office' is a company wide policy it will be more difficult to get it reversed than if your manager has just issued this directive herself.

Either way, you really need evidence that office working is less productive than wfh and that sickness absence is greater, because people can't face the commute but are prepared to wfh with a streaming cold, or even D&V because they can pace their work, and are not spreading germs which lead to others needing sickness absence too.
Take the evidence to HR to argue your case.

If you were employed on different terms then that is something you should be raising with HR anyway. I would start with addressing that rather than the manager's attitude and get that sorted first.

If they are attempting to change terms agreed at the time of employment then concentrate on that. Changing terms of contract should go through hr anyway.

Are your contractual terms changing though?

I specifically agreed to roughly one day in the office. This was because my prior role was nearly entirely remote and I wouldn’t have moved if I was going to be worse off. I therefore stipulated I would only move if they could match my prior companies terms with regards to remote working.

The problem is I think this was entirely verbal and may contract says hybrid working, I think!

Yes I agree I’ll just have to put up with the me me me attitude! I just don’t see why I should have to put up with being spoken down to or heard and have her pulling faces.

Definately a personality clash. Ive jad this in the past where ive mediated between a manager and a colleague to both express their feelings and try and clear the air is that possible?

Thank you. A few days ago we were told by the director to be mindful of hybrid working and encouraged to spend more time in the office. Yesterday it was announced, by one of his team, that it essentially would be mandated.

I verbally agreed to working one day in the office and it has remained that way since joining. Unfortunately I think my contact stipulates hybrid working. I think it is detrimental to the company, they got rid of two offices and now people struggle to find a desk! For me personally it means a 1 hour commute each way, which is going to be difficult as a single mum with no support and will impact me financially. Had I known this was coming I wouldn’t have taken the position.

Yes I think it’s possible to clear the air. Like I say, she hasn’t done anything really bad. I just find her attitude really frustrating and degrading. I’m not sure how I would go about mediation? I’m not sure if that’s even required at this stage, I’d just like her to treat me and others with respect but I don’t know how to approach it really.

They are agreeing to terms verbally agreed ( with 2 managers still in the company) but my contract is much more informal and I think it just states hybrid working, unfortunately!

That should say they are changing terms verbally agreed.. sorry!

I agree with you completely with being spoken down to and not being heard, that is not acceptable however not sure what the best way to do something about it would be.

I've worked for over 40 years and have watched numerous managers, supervisors etc talk to other staff this way, if anyone complained to HR and they were spoken too about it, they just found other sneaky ways to still annoy the shit out of the staff member that complained.

I never bothered complaining, I just decided to look for another job and hope that this one would be better.

I get that this might not be as easy as it used to be, so you need to decide how much this bothers you and could you just ignore her, or do you need to move on before you end up saying something you will regret (been there done that got the t-shirt and matching hat 😂)

You have my sympathy good managers are like unicorn shit these days

She obviously could of handled it better
but there’s also an element of you don’t like what you’ve been told if she would of said “ fuck it WFH whenever you want “ doubt anybody would be complained about her then

ultimately it’s come from the director if you need to wfh more you need to out a constructive case together rather than complaining in an open meeting
she was hardly going to say that’s fine don’t bother
your possibly painted into a corner as vague verbal agreement and hybrid in contract
irrespective if those contracts and agreements following a procedure they can by changed anyway

stop focusing on her you clearly front like her
and put your case together for your WFH
but unless you’ve got childcare, carers or disability your a bit stumped

Be careful about complaining to HR. HR in some organisations are a managers tool. In some, good ones, they are there for everyone. To assist manage over robust managers. But not everywhere. I am not saying don’t go but be mindful of the sort of place you work at.

And be mindful that sometimes bullish managers can be due to feeling a bit insecure. If she is under the cosh further up the line or a policy line on coming in more often is not one she can influence ( nor can she be seen to undermine it ) then she is may feel awkward delivering it. Knowing it won’t be popular. I am not excusing any inability to do it well, just trying to understand what might be happening.

Don’t expect to be able to comment on everything that comes your way. Consulting for opinion is nice and can be useful. But is not always relevant or possible. Eg. The boss won’t have a full team meeting with everybody for each and every meeting. It doesn’t mean the boss doesn’t value you all.

Thank you for the comments.

I have been looking out for new roles but I will now be taking it more seriously. I work for a very large company and there are other areas internally I could apply to.

Maybe I will put this in my back pocket for now and take a note of other inappropriate things she says. I very nearly said something in retaliation but of course I’d probably get in trouble for biting back!

The whole working from the office more has been handled badly…from being told it wouldn’t be mandated a few days ago by a director to then be told it will by his subordinate.

I do have children and no childcare, also an autoimmune condition and other health problems so I will put a case together focused on trying to remain wfh.

It’s not that I don’t like her personally, I just don’t appreciate or like her attitude towards me and others. I don’t think it’s professional or fair and I don’t see why I should have to put up with someone speaking to me or looking at me like that, I wouldn’t outside of work.

I understand what you’re saying but I would have had an issue with her saying suck it up to someone even if I agreed with what she was saying, unless over something trivial perhaps. I don’t think this is how a good manager acts.

Put in a reasonable adjustments request on your medical needs?

Thank you!

I have always been well respected, heard and thought of as a core member of the team.. and I was in this company until my previous manager moved on. So I am struggling now with the change. It’s hard being the only one that talks up about it too. I think the only way is out for me too unfortunately! I was looking for the next step up anyway.

What does your contract say? She’s obviously having to deliver news that was never going to go over well and she could probably do with some training on how to impart information that will be met with resistance but it sounds like you would have challenged it no matter how well it was done.

I would have challenged it and I think that’s perfectly fine to do so, in fact we are actively encouraged to challenge each other. We should be able to have adult conversations about things that are impacting us. When I say challenged, I asked whether the financial implications had been considered and what happens in a situation like mine when different terms were agreed, all be it verbally.