Serial job hopper needs advice

[HopJudyHopJobHopper]

I am currently signed off from stress and I was due to return today but the anxiety made me vomit on the way to the office so I Igot a GP appointment and was told its a stomach bug / stress related. Think its more stress-related than germs.

I am not the main breadwinner by any means due to my long history of job-hopping. I have had in excess of over thirty jobs since the age of sixteen. Longest I have stayed anywhere was eighteen months but that took a huge mental and physical toll on me. I hate my current post and no amount of meetings, chats, plans are helping that - leaving is inevitable.

Ideally I would hand notice in and leave but the company is family run and make it almost impossible to leave. Bribery, emotional blackmail, promises that all will improve or change only for nothing to change all contribute to the stress levels.

I am now 47 years old with next to nothing in my pension pot working in a famously low (?the lowest paying) sector. I want to retrain and get better pay, less than 50 hour weeks and get out of the poor pay bracket.

Having burnt so many bridges how do I even begin to retrain and apply for new jobs away from this area. Hubby is sure I have ADHD due to many things (but definitely my job-hopping) we do not have the money for a private diagnosis due to low pay.

Help me get out of this mess please.
I feel like I am going insane trying to be normal and fit in but I just cannot manage it.

I have similar issues OP.

I have found that the only thing I enjoy is freelancing/doing short term contracts.

I am neurodivergent, also have a long history of depression and I struggle with office politics and having to do small talks or taking poor managers seriously.

I usually do well for about a year in a new job then it all falls apart. My physical and mental health nosedive and I struggle to stay motivated. In my last role I was also bullied/discriminated agains because of my health issues and they ended having to pay me a settlement.

My plan is to keep freelancing and do a low stress part time permanent job alongside.

I have completely given up on 9 to 5, full time work as it has never worked for me.

@Greenwitchart thanks for your post. I always get so angry and frustrated that I cannot just "play the game", "tow the line", "suck it up" or "rise above" the things that stress me out but I have a physical reaction to the stress eg migraine, stomach ache/sickness, insomnia and I simply cannot just "get on with it like everyone else" does. It eats me up and ruins my peace outside of work. People say "just stay for 6 months/a year then see how you feel" like that is not killing me. I used to self-medicate by drinking, overeating etc and it is so destructive. I want to have a healthy relationship with my job. It is hard, imo.

What about working in a call centre. A friend of mine work for an Health Insurance Company. She likes it as she is help people.

@purplecorkheart That is another job I have never tried, actually.

This and your previous posts sounds closer to autism than ADHD.

I always thought my impulsivity at leaving jobs smacked of ADHD rather tham autism.

From what you’ve said i wonder if you’re autistic and adhd? This undiagnosed together with possible perimenopause (?) and many women feel like you do.

I have adhd and the wheels have really fallen off for me in the past 2yrs.

I would maybe focus on getting an assessment via right to choose, and look into understanding your strengths and challenges. Are you on any hrt? If you think perimenopause is also contributing it’s worth looking into hrt (dr Helen wall on instagram is brilliant for advice for anyone who is ND).

Once you’re feeling better in yourself you might find it easier to choose a job that suits your strengths better - and with possible adhd meds and maybe hrt, you might find you cope and keep jobs for longer?

Could you do something self employed? Be your own boss, you can feel more in control and not so much at the mercy of others.

I am 49 and had less jobs than you but perhaps similar case with being SAHM for years...just left one job which was not that bad....it was my fault...and I have lost my ambition to do any proper job search, I am sending many applications but not much interest

I lost self esteem also

How have you done all these years in purely dom care?

Without a union rep?

Sorry I got sucked into those industries in 2012/2013 after holding down a consistent job full-time in hospitality for years before this ‘home care’ scam, you work local (NOT) but realised it lead no where soon afterwards and within 12 months I was running away from dom care having not been the teenage self to step into it.

Many things what you say I can resonate with.

Healthcare, but not nursing or care work or directly with patients. It's a HCPC registered profession that I've actually been doing for almost 40 years having a good boss that understands you also helps.

I've realised that I'm good at pattern recognition and have a sort of 6th sense as well.

I've also done agency work for random / mixed jobs before and will prob do that again in the future.

Oh and I totally get about creating scenarios or excuses / reasons to leave work or at least daydreaming about it. Taking control helps. The agency work feels I am stepping in to help out or fill a need, so it feels good. I'm also quite good at identifying issues, problem solving, money saving and love a good new project (until I'm bored lol).

You could have AuDHD. I'm part need rules & part rogue!

Definitely consider HRT. I only realised (finally) I had ADHD in peri/meno. I nearly got disciplined for my poor time keeping. Also had 2 speeding tickets as I was always running late.

Best things for me have been HRT and finding a love of exercise & the gym / classes.

@HopJudyHopJobHopper your post about rules resonates so much with me. I’m a ‘job-hopper’ but I get to about 2-3 years before feeling compelled to leave due to burnout. I take on a role, give it my all but realise that I can’t fix everything and feel out of control. I’m about to leave my current role. It is the ultimate chaotic, multitasking job. Sounding boastful, but I’m great at it and my manager and colleagues don’t want me to leave but being good at my job (I’m a perfectionist) is really bad for me - I take on too much stress. I think I probably have ADHD and being perimenopausal has probably amplified how I’m feeling.

I wish I knew what the answer is. I’m sure you make an excellent, dedicated carer. I don’t know about you but I feel resentful that others (ie work colleagues) aren’t more like me! Or maybe I’m jealous that I can’t ignore rules and processes and not care as much!

I’m actually quite disappointed in myself that I’m ‘running away’ again. I’m not even looking forward to starting my new job, as I can see the same pattern being repeated. I wish I had a career but I don’t know what I want to do. I haven’t achieved what I’m capable of achieving.

Sending love and best wishes to you xx

@Middleagemoper I could have written that myself apart from you last a lot longer than I do! I also feel disapointed when I "run away again" but I have to preserve my health and my sanity. I also resonate with not achieving what you are capable of achieving but the stress and physical symptoms are unbearable to me. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I cannot continue my current relationship with work and need to adjust my boyndaries somehow.

@HopJudyHopJobHopper stress is so bad for us. I have a nervous tic that I hide at work but manifests as soon as I’m back at home. I put on a ‘good front’ at work (I appear a confident people-person) but it’s like I’m playing a role.

I know what you mean about boundaries. I need to establish some firm ones in my new job but at heart I’m a people-pleaser and that’s hard to break. I’m cross at myself for allowing myself to be taken advantage of but, actually, managers should be better at spotting that happening. I don’t really want to leave my current role but it’s a job-share and my job-share is, frankly, lazy and allows me to shoulder all the responsibility. I have ‘made a rod for my own back’ but my manager is aware of my job-share’s ineffectiveness but has failed to tackle it.

I’m a stickler for fairness but life sadly isn’t fair 😔

Afternoon everyone,

I thank everyone who haa responded or shared their experiences so far and appreciate every reply. I think I need to face some hard truths as I look ahead to a 50 hour week in a job I hate again next week.

No-one will save me.
No-one will change this for me.
No-one - besides a select few - actually care about how I am feeling.

So, if this were a friend of mine I would advise her to either: -

Leave with immediate effect securing a sicknote and apply to many other jobs just to get out asap.

OR

Apply for as many jobs as possible and do her best to save a buffer whilst working her notice.

Worth mentioning:

If it gets unbearable apply for part time - if they refuse then revisit sicknote option but now with grounds for stress accounted for by refusal of flexible working request.

There are no "other departments" to move to and working from home is not an option so these are the things I might suggest.

Am I missing something here?

What about the prison service? There are rules, and guidelines for how you do your job. You're helping people every day, but without the intimate care bit. Its very busy and varied, and no two days are the same, so meets that ADHD low boredom threshold thing. I probably shouldn't say this but you also get those spikes of adrenaline responding to an incident, which help to keep you focused and on task.

Definitely look at getting an assessment through right to choose. I asked my GP for one in mid December and I got diagnosed at the end of April so just over a 4 month wait from start to finish.
Im trying out medication now. Not a golden bullet to ‘fix’ the adhd but I think it is working to make things easier for me.

Look for advisor jobs - citizens advice, dementia adviser, youth adviser, mental health adviser etc. likely to be in a charity.

I was a home career, then worked in a care home 3 years and went straight i to be a dementia adviser where I spend 4 years and enjoyed it very much