Serial job hopper needs advice

[HopJudyHopJobHopper]

I am currently signed off from stress and I was due to return today but the anxiety made me vomit on the way to the office so I Igot a GP appointment and was told its a stomach bug / stress related. Think its more stress-related than germs.

I am not the main breadwinner by any means due to my long history of job-hopping. I have had in excess of over thirty jobs since the age of sixteen. Longest I have stayed anywhere was eighteen months but that took a huge mental and physical toll on me. I hate my current post and no amount of meetings, chats, plans are helping that - leaving is inevitable.

Ideally I would hand notice in and leave but the company is family run and make it almost impossible to leave. Bribery, emotional blackmail, promises that all will improve or change only for nothing to change all contribute to the stress levels.

I am now 47 years old with next to nothing in my pension pot working in a famously low (?the lowest paying) sector. I want to retrain and get better pay, less than 50 hour weeks and get out of the poor pay bracket.

Having burnt so many bridges how do I even begin to retrain and apply for new jobs away from this area. Hubby is sure I have ADHD due to many things (but definitely my job-hopping) we do not have the money for a private diagnosis due to low pay.

Help me get out of this mess please.
I feel like I am going insane trying to be normal and fit in but I just cannot manage it.

Why do you think you don't last at a job long? Nicely - when it's that many roles, it's not really luck. The common denominator is you as the employee but it sounds like you're aware of this. Is it authority? Is it 9-5 / the mundane? Can you narrow it down at all?

The mundane, definitely. If I do not respect my boss or think they are lazy/ not good enough I lose it (internally) and quit... moving on. Most jobs I have had have been low-paying unqualified "disposable" jobs who are desperate for staff so do not question my job history. Also, I think I know deep down I will get frustrated and quit so why waste a good opportunity. I am caught in a cycle of being in so many "rubbish disposable" jobs that I do not have the references or the confidence to apply for more ambitious roles. I need to move away from care work as I think the long hours + stressful environment + poor pay + poor leadership are the exact triggers that make me want to scream. I am keen to break the cycle and retrain to something that maybe I can tolerate better. Gently, yes it is me but at my age I am struggling to change. I am at the stage where I fatasise about the bus crashing on the way in town where I work so I have a valid excuse for time off and this thinking is dangerous.

If you have a lot of experience in care work could you work for yourself? Definitely a lot of demand out there.
Become a private carer with your own clients you can pick and choose? You could either have long term clients or you could concentrate on short term jobs, providing care when relatives are on holiday, someone just been in hospital etc.
You may feel more in control and have more ownership and autonomy this way

Thats a lovely idea but I am burnt out by care work and even if I chose my own jobs I would still be depressed by the work.

I would like to get out of carework altogether. Its back-breaking and I do not have the love for it like I once did. I am pretending at the moment and the elderly I care for need genuine carers not someone like me who hates it. They deserve a passionate carer. I am done with it all.

What type of job could you see yourself doing?

Could you have a look for agency work? So similar or even different work but short term assignments. You mightn't be there long enough to form ideas about management either.

I don’t think this is about the jobs at all, that’s just a symptom. A diagnosis will take years on the NHS or, as you note, be expensive privately. If you can find an affordable therapist with experience in ND I’d see if you can get together the money for a few sessions. I don’t believe you will solve this on your own, and you’ll just keep having the same experiences until you become incredibly depressed and stuck.

You can go on the Right to Choose pathway for an ADHD assessment. The wait is long but better to be on the list than not.

Given that you have a job, I would suggest you get back in there and do that job. Give it two years or so to prove that you can stick at a job before you start looking at anything else.

As someone else has said, you are the common denominator here - not the jobs that you’ve had. And right now, unemployment is high and there is a shortage of jobs even for those who are more skilled and have a better work history than you do.

I would definitely talk to your GP about seeking an ADHD assessment, if you do have it, you need proper support and perhaps medication. There is no magic solution.

I don’t understand why you would keep getting the same role if you hate it. Work in a shop, a restaurant.. anything but care as you obviously aren’t suited to it. Your clients deserve better.

Get an adhd assessment and in the meantime did you know you can get some support from a governemnt scheme called access to work? You dont need a diagnosis and it is desgined exactly for people like you. There ia fundinf available to pay for rhinhs to auporr pwople in work. My friend who has adhd used it for adhd work coaching which has helped her massively.
https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

@Delici Did you not read my post properly? I am acutely aware the people I look after deserve someone who is committed to carework. Despite my own struggles I am very positive and caring I feel like I wear a mask. The people I work with have no idea I want to leave. Do not demonise me for being brutally honest. Your reply is judgedmental and smacks of "stiff upper lip old chap be grateful you have a job at all". I am not umgrateful for my job, I am acknowledging I am not a good fit any more and it is taking an awful toll on my mental and physical energy and I suspect this is due to me "masking" whilst in my role.

Can you tell us what kind of work environment you need in order to flourish?

I like order and rules and rule-following. I like helping people but not physical care. I like some freedom but clearly defined tasks. I hate rules being broken or ignored and most of the times I have quit its been about injustices or rule-breaking/malpractice and my concerns are ignored. I like processes and purposes. I like helping people but by advice, guidance or via processes and rules. I do not thrive in chaos or chaotic environments and expect people to be professional at what they do. I am a stickler for rules and the care sector is so understaffed rules get broken on an hourly basis. I find this stressful as I am a rule-follower. I leave jobs as I cannot stand to be a part of rule-breaking or bad work practices. I am the one chosen to train staff etc as I am seen as the professional but I have zero tolerance for poor practice.

Ok, so (and you don't need to answer all this publicly):
What type of roles have you had- care, plus anything else?

Ignoring all the logistics of money, training, etc etc, what woukd your dream job look like?

As mentioned above, use the Right to Choose pathway, there are many private providers for adult ADHD assessments. The wait list is relatively short. Just a few weeks from initial contact to assessment 1. Please do look into it. Medication and support could be life changing for you. Good luck

You sound like me. I’m autistic plus was diagnosed with ptsd agoraphobia anxiety and depression (traumas from my past). I had to stop work and leave my career in a large organisation due to bullying. I then went self employed for 15 years so everything was ordered and structured. I then had to close my business due to my MH and I’ve not worked since.

OP I would second the recommendation for agency/ temp work. It would take the pressure off.
I’m currently temping after taking a few years out, and it’s fine. The money is good, I don’t have a lot of responsibility and it gives me time to decide what I want to do next.

I could have written so much of your OP, and I’m a decade older. Fellow job hopper, with admin and HR background. The only thing that has worked for me is temping in a very large HE environment. Short-term assignments where you don’t get to know the people and you ultimately don’t care how things are done because you aren’t invested. For you, I automatically think of being a training consultant. You would write the training course and deliver it. Could be a course in caring just to get the experience and then perhaps move into training trainers in the general sense. I wish you all the best.

Same, although not quite so many jobs. I love my field of work & it suits my brain, but like you, I start to feel like I need to leave after a while. Realised I have ADHD a few years ago, and that realisation helped massively. To some extent I have already been using strategies to keep going and manage this for years. Peri/menopause makes it worse, so consider HRT.

Best thing I did was to change to agency working 3 years ago. I'm experienced and reliable and know that I can leave with just a weeks notice - that helps a lot, knowing that I can just leave. Somehow it makes it easier to stay & keep going. Plus because I'm not permanent, I dont have to do all that boring stuff. Game changer.

What area do you work in? @herbetta

How about working in a large hotel, making up rooms. There will be strict rules to follow, if you put your very considerable mind to it you would consistently best the timings and be a very good worker. Minimum of human interaction and great satisfaction in making the rooms up to specification.

Not glamorous but sounds as if you would be good at it. How about tryi g if for six months and see how you get on.

you might have energy to do that along side a qualification in cyber security. That’s very rules based and also needs a certain kind of mind to get to grips with it.

Good luck. I hope you find what works for you. Your future is going to be great.

Have contacted GP re assessment. Thanks for replies all. I am not going to rush into anything yet but these posts have made me realise how unhappy I am and how I need some professional help. Six months to me feels like six years as my brain gets bored so easily - If anyone else has any more ideas I will read every response. I also think menopause query is a good point but I have been job-hopping for decades so cannot attribute it to hormones alone. Thanks everyone.