Weird conversation about problem colleague

[AmberDrop]

Hi all - would welcome views on this and will try my best to keep it concise...

Big company. About 14 months ago one colleague, let's call him Paul, started being quite blatantly rude to me on the few occasions we needed to interact.

The rudeness was snide remarks in person, rude comments on emails ("Why are you asking me for this? I don't even know what you actually do.").

Stupidly, I let it slide thinking he was just a twat.

A peer approached me last Autumn and asked if I'd ever had any issues with Paul as he'd been really rude to her. So we swapped stories and both spoke up to Paul's boss and our boss (Paul's boss's boss).

Paul got 'appropriate feedback' on this and similar complaints from three other colleagues outside our team - all women.

This month he gets a new role in our team which makes him a direct report of my boss (not a promotion but a high profile project and much more visibility).

Paul being rude to new peers (men and women). My boss openly acknowledges that Paul creeps up to him but 'acts superior' to others.

Today, Paul joined my boss's direct report meeting for the first time. About 30 mins after, my boss pulled me aside and said "I don't know if you realise but your body language was very negative in the meeting today.."

I asked him for examples and he said I had been frowning when Paul was talking. I know this wasn't conscious but am shocked it's been mentioned.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Would welcome views on:

1. This is worrying. You need to ensure you check your expressions and don't give them anywhere to go with this....

2. This is nuts. They don't appear to have dealt with Paul effectively and he should be the focus, not you. Forget it and move on.

Sorry I mistakenly replied to you instead of OP! 😅

It sounds like Number 2 (literally and proverbially 😁) but as others have said you may have to act like it’s Number 1, cover yourself, and also watch and wait to see what else happens. Maybe document that frowning incident too, in case, and privately document anything else going forward.

Well said!

@Choux You’re a psychic!

Interesting what they said about his visibility OP @AmberDrop I love that Choux got it right.

i agree that neutral faces are more professional. hide your feelings

Make sure you sit on the same side of the table as the boss. He can't be checking your facial expressions then 😉

I always remind myself when I have to attend meetings where they’ll be colleagues who drive me potty “remember weird, don’t let your face become the subtitles to your thoughts”.

Makes me giggle and helps me remember not to do it - or more truthfully when I feel myself getting agitated and I say that to myself I smile to myself and that’s what others see.

Yanbu though to be annoyed “Paul” hasn’t been dealt with properly or effectively.

Doing this tomorrow now! Thanks!

I bet there’s a good reason why his wife left him.

As hard as this ... cover your own back don't give them anything to go at you for.
He sounds like a misogynistic twat .
I'd group together with other colleagues and all protect yourselves by sticking together and reporting anything thst makes you uncomfortable or feel bullied.
I had a boss like this many years ago he was an arsehole .. I left and so did many others he was a horror.

My DM always said ‘it’s a long road without a turn. And she was right … he will trip up. He cannot be that nasty and karma not come for him. Definitely keep a record of any inappropriate behaviour or comments. But there 💯 will be opportunities for others to see what he’s really like.

Morning all

Heading into the office for the ‘Team Day’.

I’m channeling the late Queen, the King with Trump, the Mona Lisa, half a dozen swans and a liberal sprinkling of Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

Your wise words will also be with me.

I’ll keep you posted!