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Original poster

Husband’s retirement card message from former colleague has left me uneasy

53 replies

Filmouse · 04/04/2026 16:13

My husband left his job after 40 years and one woman wrote in his card that my husband had done these special thing's for her and bought her gifts back from a trip once which she treasured. I warned him about her many year's ago as other wives at the company were also upset by her behaviour towards their husbands. She once blew cigarette smoke in my face when I was 6 months pregnant..I am upset with my husband to have continued a friendship with her...he isnt saying alot..am I right to feel really upset about this and to wonder what' has been really going on?

OP posts:
Original poster
Filmouse · 04/04/2026 20:17

He showed me it but admitted he hadn't read it properly

OP posts:
kiwiane · 04/04/2026 20:22

She sounds as if she’d be happy to have upset you; it’s all in the past now so don’t let this upset you.

DripDripAprilshower · 04/04/2026 20:22

Some women are of the ‘pick me’ variety. She sounds like one of them.

Cunts are going to cunt.

Bellyblueboy · 04/04/2026 20:37

😂 this sounds like a plot out of madmen!

Ilovecheeseyah · 04/04/2026 20:41

I think she is just stirring it - I would be tempted just to let it go if you are otherwise happy. It is galling but you have no way of turning back the clock and only you know if he is a good man of pure heart and deed.

ACynicalDad · 04/04/2026 20:44

Let it go, she’s a shit stirer, your husband does need to keep things cordial at work too.

saraclara · 04/04/2026 20:49

Filmouse · 04/04/2026 20:14

Interesting reading the comments we have been married 40 years I was so looking forward to our retirement together its really put a dampner on things .

You're massively overreacting.

I can't believe that you're still stewing over something she did 30 years ago, and you've expected your DH to have nothing to do with her, when that's completely impractical because he works with her.

If you let that out a dampener on his retirement, that's on you. I can't see that he's done anything wrong.

YourAmberFish · 04/04/2026 20:53

You need therapy if you're ruminating on something that happened 30 years ago and thinking something someone wrote on a retirement card will put a dampener on your and your DHs retirement.

Poor bloke. Bet he's wishing he hadn't retired now and won't have any work mates but just you and your obsessive jealousy.

FannyByElectricLight · 04/04/2026 20:54

Give it 3 months and you'll be willing him to bugger off back to work 😉

Tacohill · 04/04/2026 20:56

She sounds like a twat but I’m not sure why you’re taking it out on him.

He’s just left the job he’s been at years.He’s going to be feeling a lot of mixed emotions and I’m not sure why you’re making it all about yourself.

An incident that happened to you 30 years ago is irrelevant.

Let it go.

RubieChewsDay · 04/04/2026 20:57

There seems to be a few mumsnetters with issues about how their DH’s female colleagues are behaving at the minute. You should form a support group.

Fafner · 04/04/2026 20:57

Filmouse · 04/04/2026 20:14

Interesting reading the comments we have been married 40 years I was so looking forward to our retirement together its really put a dampner on things .

How on earth can a comment on a retirement card made by someone you haven’t forgiven for once blowing smoke at you 30 years ago possibly put a dampener on your retirement?

Thingsthatgo · 04/04/2026 21:01

Honestly it sounds as if you are looking for things to be upset about. He doesn’t work with her anymore, he doesn’t have to see her ever again. Unless you suspect him of being unfaithful you need to move on.

Hippiedippi · 04/04/2026 21:14

I suspect this isn’t really about the card…. Retirement is a big transition for your family. You will be navigating spending more time together and establishing new routines/roles.

What is it you need from your husband right now? Focus on that.

Take care x

Stnam · 04/04/2026 21:30

If she was that much of a strumpet, she would have snatched him away years ago and not waited for his retirement.

SouthernNights59 · 04/04/2026 21:30

You need to let it go. Honestly, still ruminating on something which happened 30 years ago is ridiculous. There are women like this, they like to make themselves the centre of attention. Just move on and enjoy retirement with your DH - if you carry on like this then it won't be enjoyable.

Fafner · 04/04/2026 21:32

Stnam · 04/04/2026 21:30

If she was that much of a strumpet, she would have snatched him away years ago and not waited for his retirement.

Maybe she’s a slow-acting strumpet who specialises in pensioners?😀

LittleBearPad · 04/04/2026 22:01

Filmouse · 04/04/2026 20:14

Interesting reading the comments we have been married 40 years I was so looking forward to our retirement together its really put a dampner on things .

Only because of your reaction.

SecretSquirrelLoo · 04/04/2026 22:17

She sounds like a shit stirrer, but you need to have a laugh with your husband of 40 years about it, not feel threatened

Original poster
Filmouse · 04/04/2026 23:20

True !

OP posts:
EwwPeople · 04/04/2026 23:28

I mean.. it’s been 40 years! He could’ve had a whole secret family with her by now! All she got was be a bitch to you 30 years ago, a gift or two and wind you up on a card. You’re giving this woman way more power than she ever had!

Original poster
Filmouse · 05/04/2026 06:19

True....thanks

OP posts:
Sparkles1212 · 05/04/2026 06:43

Filmouse · 04/04/2026 19:54

A deliberately march up to my face and did it .. just trying to say knowing she did something so horrible amongst other stuff why did he continue a friendship with her buy gifts etc...he said he hadnt had anything do with her for a long time. Oh well ..

Gifts are usually bought for people we like

So......if he DID buy her gifts then he likes her

Are you sure they didn't have an emotional or sexual affair?

PoppinjayPolly · 05/04/2026 06:48

@Filmouse you say our retirement, do
you work are the same place or have you timed your retirement for the same time?

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2026 08:32

Sparkles1212 · 05/04/2026 06:43

Gifts are usually bought for people we like

So......if he DID buy her gifts then he likes her

Are you sure they didn't have an emotional or sexual affair?

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FGS don’t start her off again.

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