Lawyer on mat leave- should I quit or return to work

[sunshine2025]

I’m on maternity leave as an in-house lawyer and due to return soon. I’ve had a tricky relationship with my boss, who micromanages and undermines me, and the long commute makes returning (4 days a week) feel exhausting. I have two kids and a husband that works 4 days a week in the office (as he’s still the higher earners, I’d probably still be default parent).

Financially, I don’t need to go back, and my partner is supportive of me staying at home (it would even make his life easier). I’m wondering whether it makes sense to resign, spend a bit more time with my children, and eventually explore starting a business.
I’m scared of resigning though as I’m worried that I’ll never be able to return to law if I wanted to and sometimes it’s better the devil you know (and can I find a 4 day week/ 2days in office deal elsewhere?). I’ve also never been financially dependent on someone and that makes me feel weird too

I’d love to hear from others who’ve faced something similar — especially any lawyers here. How did you decide whether to leave to focus on family and new opportunities? Do you think it’s sensible to leave mainly because of a difficult boss and stress, even if money isn’t urgent?

Solicitor here OP. I think part time and hybrid jobs are much more common than you’d think. In my firm they happily have people working 4 dpw and our typical expectation would be 2 days in the office for someone working 4dpw, but subject to negotiation.

law is a stressful career in itself though, and gets harder as you get older IME.

if I wasn’t working, I’d worry about pension contributions but sounds like your DH could help you with those?

Im nearly in your exact situation although solicitor in a firm. I greatly hesitated to go back after DC2. I’m very happy I did although it is hard and stressful but I am a better mum for it. I’m not ruling out changing jobs but looking whilst working is so much easier. Like you, I did also worry about not being able to return to work if I was to take extended leave

I’m a solicitor. I went back part time and worked part time / juggling for 12 years. I have, recently, returned to a more senior position doing tribunal work and I am so grateful I didn’t give up and to now be in the position I am. As my children have got older, I’ve enjoyed the challenge of work again and using my brain felt essential. Friends quit and not are struggling, both to get back in and with a sense of purpose as the children become more independent. I would think very carefully before giving up, but dropping hours and taking a bit of a back seat to keep my hand in worked for me. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Thanks all. Great to hear part time working is a potential in the industry.

fyi, I’m about 14 years pqe (but current boss treats me like a junior lawyer).

Similar profession and considered not going back after my youngest too. But I am so glad I did. My previously loving and loyal DH was 100% supportive of me staying home but roll forwards 12 years and he decided to leave the family ( for another woman) after more than 20 years of marriage. Because I am in a stable, well paid job, I will be able to support my family and minimise disruption from what would otherwise be catastrophic financially as well as emotionally. Thank goodness I maintained my economic independence. OP, you dont know what is round the corner and as a mum it is even more important to be able to earn a decent wage than as a single person.

I was in private practice and took about 5 years out after DC were born and also had another shorter break after that. It was the right decision for us (DH is also a private practice lawyer) and I loved it. However, I think it has permanently changed my career path both in terms of perceptions of others (being noticeably older than you'd expect at my pqe) and in terms of my marriage- DH was able to be fully committed at work and do long hours, which meant his career progressed at great speed, while I inevitably became the default parent and remained so even after I'd gone back, which in turn meant that I ended up making choices that prioritised work-life balance and he didn't- vicious circle.

All this was years ago (long before remote working and the normalisation of PT) and I suspect that these issues are less difficult now and also less difficult in-house than in private practice. The arrangements between my husband and me are also of course specific to us, although it's interesting how easy it is to find yourselves falling into a default earner/default parent pattern even if neither of you wanted that.

How long do you have to decide? Despite all of the above I am very pleased I took time out, but I think it really needs to be a decision you make actively because it's what you want to do, rather than one you fall into just because returning to work seems so challenging. And remember that if you go back and regret it, it's very easy to leave, whereas the same is not true the other way around.

Are you married? Don't stop earning if you're not married. you have zero financial protection if you split.

Honestly, I’m a little surprised at how almost unanimous responses are to go back to work. Giving me a little to think about. Appreciate other lawyers responding too. My qns then are-
— how did you manage the pick up/ drop off juggle with DH if they too were in a ‘big job’

• did it ever affect your relationship because you were both constantly stressed?

-do you like your job (I don’t think I actually like being a lawyer anymore but it’s all I’ve done)

were your team supportive? My boss is not flexible or supportive

Yes, married and he’ll top up my pension

No parent's job is ever too big to at least do some of the school run if they want to. The more senior they are, the more flexibility they have, unless they are travelling abroad or cross country. We have always shared the school run, and our after school nanny was a godsend.
I was speaking to one of my older DC about all the "lovely" things we did when they were little, and they can't remember any of it. So my advice is keep your career and enjoy the benefits that brings.

What sort of law do you practice? Im a civil servant (not a lawyer) but lots of the lawyers i work very closely with came to the CS after having children and looking for more flexibility. Its not just public law specialists either, also lots of commercial and finance lawyers as well.

Hi OP, just to go against the grain, I'm a lawyer that has taken a career break after my 3rd child (currently pregnant with 4th). We made some big lifestyle changes as we both felt a shift in priorities as our family grew. DH currently shoulders full financial burden. I take care of everything house and child related. On the plus side we have gone from a pretty stressed household where DH and I argued a lot due to burnout, to a much happier home. Money is tighter. Days can be boring sometimes, I don't love domesticity but have tried to embrace it and put lots of effort into maintaining a happy and orderly household (e.g. lots of cooking and baking, reading with the kids, time in nature together, and lots and lots of tidying). I get more time to myself to read and write, and spend precious time with my kids at a unique period in their lives. I think most lawyers would be grateful not to have the stress of the job for a little while, and like you it hasn't been my life's passion as a career. Before I got pregnant with no 4, I started putting feelers out for work and got a lot of interest back, I also went for a very competitive public sector legal role, which I was offered but ultimately turned down. Unless you are at a very competitive/high performing level, I don't think a family career break prevents you re-entering the profession later. Obviously keep a hand in through professional development, networking, voluntary roles where you can. I think terms of re-entry might be tricky to negotiate depending on the role, but you may find that by the time you've been at home for a while, you'll be keen to return to a full time role anyway. Of course, the level of your ambition is also a relevant factor. I am happy to earn a decent but perhaps slightly below market rate salary for interesting work with good people. All depends on your goals. Good luck making the decision, whichever path you choose!

i had a "big" job, travelled, and am a completely loan parent.
I had after school help and often worked in the evening once kids in bed or very early in the morning as I had a global role.

I had some days where work was generally a priority and after school help stayed until I got home (Monday to Wed). Thursday was a day where I left work earlier and picked up from after school club and did activities and then picked up work after 9.30pm. Friday I left work on time.

My DC loved the after school help. I also spent lots of time with kids at weekend.

I would be worried about giving up work completely but you could maybe look for another job if you have an unsupportive boss? X

I love this response and that if I’m honest feels more where my head is.

I don’t know if it’s realistic but I’d love to set up a small lifestyle business to help me tick along within school hours. But I also need to be realistic

A friend of mine took an 8 year break from law and it took her two years to get back into it and she says she's even more stressed than before when her kids were little. But if you are facing burn out, nightmare boss etc., then maybe a new job or a career break is the way to go.
What sort of life style business are you thinking? I know many woman who have started small home businesses, the more successful earn enough to pay the expenses of their business, and the really successful who can pay themselves a salary are unicorns.

Depending on type of law you do, I’d highly recommend thinking about a ‘portfolio’ career as a tribunal lawyer. I absolutely love it, it’s totally flexible so I now take school holidays off and it’s well paid, in exchange for pension/paid holiday etc so if you can afford that, I’d recommend it!
in terms of juggling, it just was a juggle for a while. We made up for it by outsourcing because we were both working, having a cleaner, home delivery, a gardener etc so our free time was just enjoyed with children (which I appreciate is a very lucky position to be in). It was hard at times but I am just so glad I went back.

I agree with the pp who said you can always go back then leave - going back isn't committing you forever!

Re drop off and pick up we have set days and we still stick to the same routine - dd1 is 13 in a couple of months 😅 but DH was clear from day 1 he has to leave at X on Tuesday and Wednesday and everyone accepts it.

Re nursery/ drop offs. I strongly advise you split these 50.50. As others have said no job is so important that they cannot do drop off or pick up. We split it so that I had early starts at work but did the nursery pick up, he did the morning drop off but could finish work a bit later. It meant we both had one end of the day at work where we were not clock- watching. The alternative - that childcare is your responsibility and he might occasionally help out, means you are default parent. Same for when kids are sick. We generally took turns to have day off to look after the LO (balancing out who had the biggest/most immovable day at work)

OP I think you have two separate challenges here 1. Going back to work after mat leave/ do you want to leave your little one (I know how tough this is). 2. Your nasty boss. I think you would feel very differently about 1. if 2. was not a problem. So maybe go back but with the goal of moving jobs/ firm/away from Ms Nasty. Another separate rule I learnt at work is to avoid the toxic people! They wear you down.

This is spot on.

I’d go back if it wasn’t for mr nasty (i like that name).

He doesn’t have kids himself and is very disapproving of needing to take time out for childcare or being late (happy for you to stay late; but god forbid you are late in the morning for tube delays). The role doesn't excite me anymore (probably due to him micromanaging me and treating me like a trainee instead of a senior lawyer).

he’s said various things to me over the year which have chipped my confidence and increased anxiety. It’s true that people leave managers, not jobs (one example is asking when I thought my (dying) FIL would actually pass so his annual leave wouldn’t clash with the funeral (because if he was off the day of the funeral i couldn’t go as I would have no cover).

But, the hours are 9-6 which for law is great (I’m a commercial lawyer).

re pp what would I do instead. I’ve had an idea to do (ironically) coaching for professional women going back to work- dealing with identity issues, relationship issues, confidence to push for flexibility etc. I don’t know if has any legs though. I don’t want or need to make loads, but enough for my ego I guess.

Go back for reasons given even if part time. Keep your hand in and look for a different job with a less nasty boss.

The thing about the law, like most professions I guess, is that once you reach a certain level of seniority your income shoots up and because of your experience and value you get much better flexibility.

No one tells you this but when you are a foot soldier in the trenches it feels like it will never be any different. If you stick it out (and it doesn't need to be full time but just keep your experience clock ticking and registration going), you get the opportunity to be promoted to general and its a different life.

I absolutely agree with this. I worked so hard and it felt so thankless at times, also had an awful boss who made it all very difficult. Coming out the other side you realise all those hours of toiling were hard but I’ve fallen back in love with law now I have a more senior position for more money and definitely less exhausting! It’s worth keeping your hand in if you can….but definitely try and lose Mr Nasty!

If it all went to shit tomorrow should you be ok financially?

if your dh left, or died, or had a stroke and couldn’t work, what then?

what about your pension? Can your dh afford to take over your contributions so you don’t lose out? What will happen when you’re older?

my advice is always not to give up work unless your dh can afford your pension- both yours and employer contributions, and have enough disposable income that you can put at least 2 years salary aside so you can get back on your feet if necessary.

bear in mind the time taken out of your career may mean you can’t get back in, or at least not at your current level.

This. Him earning more does not mean your job is less important.

dh has a far better relationship with the kids as well for doing his share. It also means I can put in proper hours if I know dh is picking up and vice versa.