Lawyer on mat leave- should I quit or return to work

[sunshine2025]

I’m on maternity leave as an in-house lawyer and due to return soon. I’ve had a tricky relationship with my boss, who micromanages and undermines me, and the long commute makes returning (4 days a week) feel exhausting. I have two kids and a husband that works 4 days a week in the office (as he’s still the higher earners, I’d probably still be default parent).

Financially, I don’t need to go back, and my partner is supportive of me staying at home (it would even make his life easier). I’m wondering whether it makes sense to resign, spend a bit more time with my children, and eventually explore starting a business.
I’m scared of resigning though as I’m worried that I’ll never be able to return to law if I wanted to and sometimes it’s better the devil you know (and can I find a 4 day week/ 2days in office deal elsewhere?). I’ve also never been financially dependent on someone and that makes me feel weird too

I’d love to hear from others who’ve faced something similar — especially any lawyers here. How did you decide whether to leave to focus on family and new opportunities? Do you think it’s sensible to leave mainly because of a difficult boss and stress, even if money isn’t urgent?

Stick at your job and don't let DH take the piss and leave you to do everything. I stayed (as a lawyer) and am so incredibly glad i did. It totally changes the dynamic to be financially dependent and can leave you very short of options in the future. There will come a point where for very many reasons you'll be so happy you stuck it out. 3 days a week plus mornings, evenings, holidays etc is plenty with the kids - the reality is they need external input from school, nursery etc anyway. Put boundaries in place with DH and stick to them and ignore the moaning. 50/50 pick ups and drop offs. He'll complain but survive. You can do your life style business later on 😊.

Went into civil service type job no urgent deadlines, no billing targets. Very flexible and easy. Less well paid than law but in the field I was in the difference wasn’t enough to make the stress and office politics of going back worth it. The pension is probably better. I enjoy the social side of work and using my brain still. I wouldn’t want to be financially dependent on someone else. I do an annualised hours contract so work more in termtime and have more holidays. Can also buy or sell annual leave. I partly left because of office dynamics - female parttime lawyers who were the default parent were definitely sidelined at my firm and i felt I had a job with no prospects not a career once I was parttime so it was an easier decision to move on. Are you stopping at 2 kids and won’t need more mat leave after this because that would be a consideration. It’s not just when they are small even when dc were older I was glad to be home when school finished so they weren’t the kids hanging out in town getting into mischief.

I took a semi career break when my kids were little but taught at one of the law schools part time. I got bored though and went back into practice 4 days a week once DC2 was 3 years (and still tantruming!). Never looked back and enjoyed my job much more when i went back in than post. I’m 53 now, so many of my friends are divorced or in process of divorce. The ones who gave up their careers are in shit positions financially compared to what they would have been in otherwise. I’m still happily married but grateful DH and I earn pretty much the same, and similar pensions - feels equal.

Sorry I don’t mean to be gloomy saying about my friends who are divorced! I’m not saying that will be you but it’s just a factor to consider.

I would go back and look for a different/ part time job from there. I went back part time (DH has also got a big job, he does pickups/ dropoffs for half the days I am working, one evening we have an after school nanny) and through tough times since it has been a comfort to have retained my professional identity. As pp said it’s also been a huge benefit to DH in terms of his relationship with the kids. Now the dc are at school I am still pt and I’d have time to do a lifestyle business as well in term time if I wanted (actually I like the extra time to just be). DH was supportive of me leaving and we have always had equal finances, but I do enjoy spending money I have earnt directly much more!

OP - I wonder if your current role has left you a bit out of touch about demands and working practices?

I’m a corporate lawyer in an ABS. Yes, it’s a stressful job and of course there are pressures and difficulties but my standard hours are 9am - 5:30pm and there’s not a huge amount of expectation to work outside of those hours. Yes - from time to time I have to to get a deal over the line, but it’s not a regular expectation. I can wfh 2 or 3 dpw if I don’t have a reason to be in the office, and we have a core hours system where we are expected to be available for work between 10am - 4pm, but outside of that we can flex as long as we make up the time over the week, meaning I can do school drop offs and start later / work later, or do one long day followed by a shorter day if I need to see a school assembly or something. I possibly earn less than I could in a more demanding firm, but it’s worth it.

I assume Mr Nasty wouldn’t go for any of the above, but you might be pleasantly surprised if you look to see what else is out there.