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Original poster

That senior roles are just too intense with young children

43 replies

ThatiswhereIamat · 29/01/2026 07:31

Have progressed well in my career, and I have continued to do so after the children.

my role is well paid, but obviously comes with a lot of stress, responsibility and is a complete drain of all my energy. I then have nothing left for my young children and husband.

we have a cleaner and childcare (kids are 3 and 5) and my DH does his fair share. Things could be so much worse but then why do I just feel so unhappy? I have been in the role for nearly a year and for some reason my gut feeling is it just right, but again I can’t work out why. The people are nice but the job is too intense.

has anyone take a step back, and did you regret it?

OP posts:
PJHarveyisagoddess · 29/01/2026 07:39

I took a step back when the kids were younger for the reasons you describe. I went back to an individual contributor role in a more low key area. I did have the advantage that my second was born when I was 29. I didn’t ramp back up again till I was 42 which was by then more manageable and have since gone way past where I ever thought I would.

Bufftailed · 29/01/2026 07:41

It’s absolutely draining. I stepped back later and wish I had done earlier. I was a single parent with a 1-5 yo doing a very demanding job. Mental health battered. Stepping down later did not stop me stepping up again later. Can you move within the company?

APatternGrammar · 29/01/2026 08:17

I wonder if moving to a different company would help as it sounds like you don’t love your work. Is your field inherently stressful or might another company have a setup that avoids this? I have a job with a lot to do and a lot of responsibilities but because it doesn’t create stress I find it energising rather than draining. Once you have both children at the same school things also get a bit easier.
Obviously step back if that’s your preferred option, you know your situation best, but perhaps it’s not the only option.

Original poster
ThatiswhereIamat · 29/01/2026 10:10

Thank you - I do think a different company and one rung down from there I am would make a big difference. There’s a lot of flex where I am but it is not well organised and so I’m constantly drowning trying to change all the processes etc and then the day to day.

one example of this is the massive meltdowns on the way to school and then having to dive straight into work after feeling incredibly stressed, it’s just all exhausting

OP posts:
BeetBoxer · 29/01/2026 13:30

Some people I'm sure are able to handle the combination... But I am a bit of a worrier and introvert and found it really hard to cope with a stressful job when my children were small.

I was in a similar-ish situation to you, a couple of years ago. I moved to a smaller organisation and a role with a similar title but much less responsibility. (Including no line management responsibility.) I certainly have no regrets and feel much happier. I also no longer constantly dream about retiring (in my 40s!). For me, not burning out or crashing out of the workforce was the best decision.

I don't yet know how easy it will be to step up again. But it's great to hear about previous posters who've found it possible to do that!

TartanMammy · 02/02/2026 23:19

My perspective really changed when I had children, I was incredibly ambitious and focussed. I saw career as real success indicator. When I had kids my mindset just shifted, I still enjoy my job and get a lot from working but it's not my main focus. I don't want the stress of a high pressure or fast paced role. I'm quite happy to take a step back and let other people go for it.

I've taken a few side steps and it's been absolutely the right thing, I get the mental stimulation without (as much) stress and pressure. I might pick it back up as the DC get older. But I want to be able to be there for sports day and parents evenings and not be tired, crabby mum because work is on my mind. That's absolutely okay, younger me would be horrified!

PinkPomeloFruit · 03/02/2026 05:39

I’m also looking for a new job. I don’t want to manage eight people. I just want to focus on my own work, do it well, and be present for my kids. I used to be way more career driven but since my eldest started school my priorities have completely changed.

LavenderBlue19 · 03/02/2026 05:43

I'm sure some people could manage it, but I know I couldn't.

Both the very senior women with young children where I work have husbands who work part time and do all the 'wife work'.

tabbycandykitten · 03/02/2026 05:48

So glad to have found this thread and realise I’m not the only one!
I am a single Mum with two preschool aged children and I’m struggling to find the energy or passion for my role! Feel like I’m doing half a job of my role at work and my role as a Mum. Added to that, managing teams of people feels like I have an extended group of children too!

Really need to take a step down or look for a similar role with slightly less responsibility- issue as always is the finances

PinkPomeloFruit · 03/02/2026 05:51

@tabbycandykitten I am looking for roles around the same £ but without line management or only managing 1-2

Swaytheboat · 03/02/2026 05:51

You only have so many energy and give-a-fuck tokens. If they are all spent at work then there's nothing for home. I've stepped back from my business and will ramp up again when the kids are a bit older. I can't do both roles well. I haven't regretted it so far.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/02/2026 05:59

Yes, I took a career break for a couple of years as I burned out when DDs were 6 and 2. I'd had to go back to work when DD2 was nine months old which hadn't helped. When I rebuilt myself and got back into my work I took a series of interim or contracting roles so that I could walk away easily if it wasn't working out. Just having that power really helped. Then I found a rare as hen's teeth permanent role which is senior with not too much pressure, and have stuck with it!

Serafee · 03/02/2026 06:06

It’s really hard. I used to work a shifted day starting at 7.30 and leaving the office at 3.30 then working again in the evening for a few hours once they were in bed.

even so, now they are away at uni I look back with regret that I didn’t make more of the time when they were little. I have plenty of money but I can’t buy back that time.

Mt563 · 03/02/2026 06:32

I was managing a large team and have taken a step back to an individual contributor role. I couldn't deal with being needed by people and being in caring mode 24/7 (team at work then baby at home).

Cakeandcardio · 03/02/2026 06:42

For me, I do not think working in a high pressured job is conducive with young children. I am a part time teacher and find that extemely exhausting.

Talkingaway · 03/02/2026 07:05

If the children are pre-schoolers then no, absolutely doesn’t work. Anything aged 8 and over might work

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/02/2026 07:12

My kids are 4 and 2
im hanging on by the skin of my teeth because I am over 40. If I step off I will never get back in and will need to retrain. The money is very good. Im tired with no bandwidth and have been clear with my dh i cant continue like this indefinitely

My dh is great and does a lot these days. Also he is younger/ has mote energy.

tabbycandykitten · 03/02/2026 07:13

Thankyou @ThatiswhereIamatfor starting this thread, it’s given me the push I need to reconsider my options career wise, I’ve felt at breaking point lately and thought it was just me and my inability to cope or juggle. But reading responses here I’ve realised that perhaps this isn’t the issue and maybe timing is the factor here for me. Whilst I have no desire to be a SAHM, I dream of being calmer and more mentally present for my young children… time to start looking for a better fit career wise.

Oceangrey · 03/02/2026 07:30

I did kind of burn out. I moved to a role with the same job title but less pressure. It's less interesting and has it's own frustrations but I'll probably stay for a bit as it's good pay and I have most of my evenings back, and don't think much about my job when I'm not doing it.

Weepingwillows12 · 03/02/2026 07:42

I have also not taken "opportunities" that would push me up the career ladder. I still find my role stressful but I know what I am doing, am respected and feel safe. My kids are older now (12 &10) so I should probably be focusing back on career but I just don't really want to. They still need lifts to clubs so I am busy 4 evenings in the week and Sundays. I now have to do more for my elderly parents etc. Taking on more stress does not appeal at all as everything feels very finely balanced now. I had to step up for an interim period this year and it went well from a work perspective but I just came home drained.

The people I know who had senior roles have a very hands on partner who was part time or didn't work.

JS5332 · 03/02/2026 07:53

I agree, combination of senior role & young children is really hard. I recently ‘stepped back’ and it was the best decision I ever made. Took a c-suite level promotion and it took everything I had and it wasn’t worth it. I did it for 6 months and then decided to go back to my previous role one level below. Still senior and full on but not spending my evenings working and absorbing all the stress of managing a big team! Balance is so much better. My husband also has a ‘big’ job (abroad for at least 2-3 nights per week) and I just don’t think there’s room for two full on jobs - even with the help of childcare/cleaning etc.

Twilightstarbright · 03/02/2026 08:05

I’m stepping back after two years in a senior role and I feel a huge relief. DH works in an even more senior role and did 50/50 pick ups etc but I feel like DS was suffering and we’d rather have less money and less stress (appreciate am v fortunate to have this choice) and my health has nose dived and I need to focus on that for the moment.

Donotgogentle · 03/02/2026 08:16

Some women do manage senior roles with young children and absolutely hats off to them.

But I’ve realised I can’t manage high stress and also be physically and emotionally present for the dc. We have to be honest about how we’re feeling and focus on where our personal limits and priorities are.

Ineedanewsofa · 03/02/2026 08:23

I managed because
a) we only had one child
b) DH dropped to 30 hours and did all the childcare logistics until end of KS1
We did it that way because I was the main earner and still as driven as ever (maybe more so). We also had access to excellent childcare and wraparound provision.
I’m always a bit sad when I see women stepping down after they have kids because many of them are brilliant and it’s a loss to the workplace but I do understand why they want or need to. You need to do what’s right for you @ThatiswhereIamat

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 03/02/2026 08:26

This is something men/dads don't worry about. Which makes me think that, although you say your dh does his "fair share", you are actually doing the majority of it. Who does all the liaising with the school, with the cleaner, all the life admin etc? If it's you, then your dh needs to pick up more.

I wasn't in a senior role when the DC were small, but dh was. I dropped to part time because we couldn't fit it all in. Plus it was before people had computers at home, so all the admin stuff like car insurance, paying bills etc had to be done manually.

Can both you and your dh drop to part time? If you each did three days per week would that work?

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