Being forced to attend out of work events

[Rhetorical]

The company I have worked for have introduced quarterly team meetings. These are offsite in a hotel for the afternoon, often going on until gone 6, then dinner, drinks and an evening activity. Hotel stay overnight then a breakfast meeting and further stuff in the morning before returning to the office in the afternoon.
Im annoyed this, it encroaches on my time out of work, I don’t like sleeping away as I don’t sleep very well and it knackers me for days. Are these things common and also enforceable? I’m resentful as I have to find extended childcare and it’s MY time. I don’t want to do stuff in the evening for work! Where do I stand with this? Managers act like they’re doing you a favour and giving a nice night out with food and drinks but it’s in MY time!

How far away is it from you?

That’s not very cost effective. Do you get time off in lieu?

TBH we had this type of thing when I was working and while travel, accommodation, food etc were paid for, it was expected that you would attend for no additional pay.

That said, I would often find a reason to not stay or to miss the event completely.😆
Usually it was by booking A/L the moment there was even a whisper of an even being arranged so that by the time the official invite was sent, I could say "sorry, I have pre-booked A/L that day".
If the date was changed, I just cancelled the A/L.

It’s only four times a year, how bad can it be

Just say no! Attend the day stuff in your normal work time, then go home…they can’t force you to stay overnight away from home!

I am a teacher…my head tried to force me to go on the Year 4 residential last year (she had moved me up from Year 3 to Year 4, even though a) I was happy in Year 3 and didn’t want to move, and b) I told her at the time that I would not go on the residential).

Come the planning and organising for this, she put my name on all the documents as the Lead Teacher. I reminded her again, that I was unable to go. She was fuming, but couldn’t force me and ended up ‘persuading’ (bullying) the Year 5 teacher to go. I stood my grounds and wouldn’t be bullied. They cannot make you!

My reasons were valid: I had (at the time) a dog and two cats…I live alone. My dog was elderly and would not tolerate kennels (she died a few months later). If I had used kennels for them, it would have cost me £60 a night and I would have needed to put them in for 4 nights (due to timing) so £240 at my expense. Also…I’m old! At 62, the oldest teacher in our school and on a part time contract…the residential would have taken place only one of my working days, and two of my non-working days, and I was supposed to just agree to work an extra 2 days that week. No…I don’t want to 🤷‍♀️

I would go and just spend the night in my hotel ordering room service 😅

She doesn’t want to!! Why is this a problem? 🤯

I think you're being a bit weedy

Fuck that

If it's not that far from you then I'd go, but make the journey to sleep at home. Otherwise I'd suck it up. Don't know what level of seniority or industry you're in, but in mine evening events and trips away are pretty common. I know plenty of single parents who manage to make it work, even if not as often.
You might be able to argue to get out of it but it will do you now favours at all with career progression, or potentially even with keeping your job.
I assume you're on an hourly salary. If you are a contractor with set hours per weeks then that's a bit different.

Did it say anywhere in the job advert or contract e.g. “Occasional travel within the UK is expected”?

If career progression is based on working for free then something has gone wrong. If that's the type of thing that happens to you then you need to re-evaluate. Your time is important (as is OP's). It's a sorry state of affairs when people don't know their worth. I suspect this type of nonsense will fade away once all the old men at the top are gone.

I disagree. It's not working for free unless you are paid by the hour and this constitutes extra hours.

I'm paid an annual salary and to do my job well I need to have a strong network in my industry and I also need to have excellent stakeholder management within my company, which means I need to spend a bit of time with those people.

While I protect my time with my children, I balance this with going to internal and external events which are sometimes in the evening. Sometimes I need to travel to other sites in the UK too, which might mean getting back late or staying over. Sometimes I have a conference in another city for a few days. All part of the job and quite normal for a lot of people.

My husband is a contractor. If he goes over his weekly hours then he's working for free, but I get paid for the job I do and the results I get, whether I work 20 or 60 hrs in the week to do it.

There’s nothing in my contract to say occasional overnight travel is expected. This is something that’s been added in for the past year or so. I also have a dog that I have to pay a walker to come for the late afternoon as my DH gets home later. I miss my hobby as it’s always held on a Thursday. I don’t drink and simply want to go home at the end of my working day.
I don’t care about career progression, I’m mid 50’s. I genuinely feel it’s yet another bite out of my precious home time. I spend enough hours in work and with colleagues as it is.

Let me guess, the executive who came up with this bright idea is under 35 with no kids or other caring responsibilities? Thinks this is a great motivational technique that will help the team bond?

Those of you who think this is a tremendous idea, give it a few years and you'll be burnt out from this compulsory corporate nonsense too.

The people arranging these events mudt be the same kind of people who think that if their wedding is going to be Child Free and at a remote hotel where the kids can't stay, this means they are "giving you a lovely break away from the pressures of life" rather than creating a massive PITA of logistical arrangements that you don't need.

From their POV they are doing a nice thing. But also, they have observed that when a group of people regularly socialise together, get a little pissed together and have fun together, they also work together better as a team during the difficult times, because they care about each other. However, they have the causation/correlation the wrong way around, and you can't create that camaraderie by forcing unwilling participants into a hotel for the evening every 3 months. If they made the overnight stay optional, only for those who want it, then those who choose to stay have more fun, and those who are allowed to go home aren't resentful and might consider coming to the overnight bit occasionally (when other life commitments allow) if the anecdotes they hear about how fun it was start to feel appealing.

I think it's ok to just say you are not available for the evening, do the daytime work and travel home. Be firm. If they push, ask them to put it in writing that their official policy is to only employ people who have no caring responsibilities or health needs that make staying away from home overnight difficult because you want to take legal advice and need to be clear what their actual position is. (Such a policy would be illegal and discriminatory)

I would make sure my annual leave is booked for two of these which means it’s only one every 6 months. I would go but get to your bedroom as early as possible and try to enjoy your hotel room for the evening.

Of cource its for free.

You are an non-profit participant in your employers business.

Stakeholder is the same as their Landlord or NDNs

You are in the same pool as the office rent which the employer uses to conduct business.

You agreed or should have agreed your salary and perks based on a fixed rate of renumenation.

Total Cash value ÷( per contract ×5×52)

( 8h v 7.5h hours a day
× 5 days a week
× 52 weeks a year)

If you work 8 hour (2080 h pa) but in your contract you agree 7.5 h (1950 h pa) you have donated 130 h or 17+ days free so zero cost to your employer.

Four times a year the OP has to carry out the instruction of the employer during extra work time for no extra pay.

And it is sex discrimination as the UK recognises that woman as a group have more care responsibilities than men as a group.

OP are you in a union and how open are your management to HR discussions

And NB
What changed ?

Why did they decide to fund the hotel rooms?

Is it new management?

Boss shagging away? escaping a housefull of children?

Boss shagging away? escaping a housefull of children?

Bingo. Someone has an ulterior motive.

By giving people choices, it opens up complaints of - that person is having a hotel stay, or an evening meal paid, I need the cash equivalent. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen 🙄

Generally speaking, these things are useful. If you’re at a stage of your career where you want to advance. Having those casual conversations, making connections… it’s the kind of thing that just wouldn’t happen in any other environment. That’s not to say it’s corporate bollocks, it’s just human nature that when people are in a relaxed environment, they integrate more.

In your case OP, it sounds like you’re not interested in a “5 yr growth plan”, more like… just go to work, do your thing and leave it at the door at 5pm. Nothing wrong with that. And in which case, I’d definitely tell them that it doesn’t work for personal reasons. I’ve never known a company to have a problem with that.

Go for the afternoon and then say you have to go home, you don't need to explain further than that. They can't force you to stay.

It’d be a no from me. I worked for a company that did this annually which was okay, but quarterly is way too much. It’s unreasonable if your contract doesn’t require travel or out of hours work.

I'm expected to do the same. But it's every six weeks and takes place a three hour flight away from where I live.

I hate this type of daft ideas by managers who have no respect for the fact that people have a life outside work.

I would just attend the meeting then go home at the end. Just say that you have caring responsibilities and can't stay overnight.

Work often involves doing things you don't want to!