Discussion: working FT with two young children

[workingmom101]

What's the norm? Do the mothers you know mostly work FT or PT with young child/ren?

Edit to add: Should mother's who choose to work FT out of want, not out of need, be met with judgement?

I don't think there is a norm? I didn't work until dc started secondary as dh had an 'all hours' job but many of my friends worked pt or ft. I now work pt at a primary school.

I work FT with young kids and returned after 9 mat leave. I don’t think I’ve ever been met with judgement, most people understand most are not able to manage on one income these days

I work FT with numerous kids, never been judged. I do that mostly through choice, I love having a career and it's very important to my wellbeing but it's also the security of having a second income as my DH is self-employed.

Should mother's who choose to work FT out of want, not out of need, be met with judgement?

No.
But they sometimes are.

I went back to work full time by choice when each DC turned 1. I got a lot of judgement from MIL who said I was the first mother she'd ever heard of who'd done it and why didn't I just work 2 or 3 days so I had more time to clean the house. Also plenty of comments from mums I'd met on mat leave: "Aren't you brave, I couldn't do that, I'd miss my children too much!". The judgement was for being full time rather than for working at all though, as pp said its fairly normal not to be able to survive on one income.

Now DC are in primary school no one seems to bat an eyelid how much other mums work.

My children are older now but when they were are nursery lots of the other mums worked full time

What are we discussing it for? An Article?

This!

What’s your set up and why do you ask? Just feels a bit like a set up for an article.

Just curiosity really. My own personal experience is i work FT, because I have a career and want to. I have been met with judgement, by some people who believe the other partner/spouse should be the one to provide.

Oh no it's not an article at all just genuine curiosity. I work FT.

Ignore them. I did.

I’ve seen stats on this before and in the UK roughly three quarters of mums work and about half those are full time.

Anecdotally I’d say at our school there are a higher number of SAHMs than the average, it’s about 50:50, but amongst the mums I know that do work most are FT including me.

I’ve never met anyone, except maybe my Grandma, that thinks the men should provide and the women should stay home! Where are you getting all this judgement from??

Honestly I’ve never felt judged for working full time with two small children. Most mothers I know work 4 or 5 days, no one has said or implied anything to me about working 5 days. Most people I know do not care what other people do, with the exception of a situation where bad management means that someone going PT leaves them with more work, and they (incorrectly) blame the PT worker for that.

I’m on study leave at the moment, which is why I’m on MN in the middle of the day, just in case someone wants to quibble that I shouldn’t be posing during work!

I was just curious, a lot of my friends work PT. I am pretty much the only one who doesn't. So I was just wondering if I was in the minority on a wider scale!

I'm doing it and dont want to be.
I have 3 and 1 yr old.
I was very career driven prekids and prob will be again when they are bigger.

PT isn't an option but would be my preference but as it isnt available i am jist struggling on...
If i "step off" my career will be completely over I'd need to retrain or something.

I dont feel judged but I wish i could go PT like many of my friends

@SalmonOnFinnCrisppart time isn’t available in my career technically, and I had a four days a week flex working request declined. However I have a 1 and 3 year old too and my boss did eventually agree to 4.5 days a week, however in practice (and I also agreed to) I work more than full time hours after bedtime. Just mentioning, as having the half day off with them had made a huge difference - I spend it on doing something nice rather than chores.

It has had only a very slight monetary impact, as tax rates are high, and it saves over £100 a week in nursery fees

I think it's sad that society is set up so people think they need two ft incomes. Cost of living but also a constant desire for stuff and comparing holidays, cars etc leads people to work so many hours.

I don’t give a 💩 what people think about me working FT while having a child.
my and my husbands combined salary allow us to do a lot with our child, provide experiences, travel and so on, not even mentioning the pension and ability to pay our mortgage off early, which will benefit our child in the end.

Love this.

Yeah this is the thing...its a trap.
4 days is also a trap less pay same expectations....

I ideally want 2.5 or 3 day job share
Lollllll... things that are never happening.

Or perhaps some people like working and enjoy their jobs?

My career is a huge part of my identity and there was no chance I was giving it up!

I have always worked FT, my career would have very much been throttled by trying to to PT.

When I went back after ML with DC1 got a few “aw would they not let you cut your hours?” with accompanying head tilts. Which I found was best shut up by saying “you know it’s funny how nobody ever asks DH that”.

I was never judged for working full time with 2 kids. Not to my face anyway 🤣

Absolutely this!
There is no expectation for DH to go part time and put his career on the line.

You think it's sad...I think I like a holiday.