How do I girl boss?

[AmzMcl]

Hello! I'm 32 and in a corporate job where I manage a bunch of teenagers. I wonder if this is how all management roles feel? It drains me and makes me have little social battery left for my family and friends. I honestly don't want to speak to anyone after most days in work. I don't know if this is "the price to pay" or is this normal to be drained at this level ... and when I progress will it be better?

You need to have company policies for this behaviour. If people are sick thru are sick. If it's work hours then should be working. It's a disciplinary issue.

You could draw a line and set out expectations but essentially I'd be speaking to HR or your line manager for advice first. Don't think you have to solve HR types issues alone to prove yourself.

Step one - Stop saying girl boss.
Step two - Do some work to understand why it's such a ridiculous thing to say.
Step three - Come back and be more specific about your management challenges and you'll get some really good advice on here.

And women, not “females”.

Do a leadership and or coaching course. If you feel as you do and are using the language that you are then this will really help you understand how to be a good leader and how to manage teams well. We all have to learn and develop in these roles so if you can find a mentor who can support you, this will enable you to positively meet challenges and find ways to support your team. Also really reflect on what it is you are finding hard, are there things you could change for some quick wins.

100% this. You won't learn how to be a leader on mumsnet (as there are better places to go for that) - invest in yourself. A lot of leadership it is about self reflection. It's much less about doing onto other people these days.

On your other thread you said you’re only 10% there at work and appear to be heading towards being a functioning alcoholic - top tip, if you don’t get hangovers any more from big drinking sessions, that’s a colossal red flag.

You’re drained because you drink too much.

Yes, it’s normal to feel exhausted being a manager, particularly when you’re new and you have taken over an existing team. No, it’s not normal to have that many people on PIPs nor to be left to sort that out on your own.

Is there someone at your company that you have pegged as a good manager/leader? Someone who seems to have it under control and be doing it well? If you do you could email them and say that as you are new to managing you would love to have some time with them, could be regular coffee+chat or a more formal mentoring request. Most people will be flattered to have been asked and even if they aren’t able to do that themselves might send you in the direction of someone else that’s a good fit.

Wow this completely changes the direction of this thread.

@AmzMcl why did you leave this crucial information out?

I am a people manager been managing now for 12 years - anyone who says it’s not draining isn’t doing their job properly. Like you I like quiet and space and I’ve found reading a trashy book rather than scrolling on my phone on the commute home really helps me to unwind. I manage women which is hard I also have a cohort of 17-19 year old apprentices which comes with its own issues. I find managing people that are significantly older than me the hardest part as often feels like I’m managing my mum. I deal with lots of hard pastoral issues I’ve had some real gritty issues and it’s hard not to become invested. I’ve had grown women arguing over who goes home early and comes in late, it’s like herding cats quite frankly. They’re all very keen to throw eachother under the bus and bring things to my door that could easily be solved with an adult discussion amongst them. I deal with multiple agile working requests, appraisals, budgets, HR issues, onboarding, off boarding, allocation of work. You can’t please everyone and for making 1 person happy you upset 6 others in doing so. It’s never ending but I love the challenge.

its a question of what came first - she may be drinking because she’s stressed and miserable at work. Or vice versa. Clearly she is not enjoying her life much atm. Some growing up - maturing, learning about herself, finding out what she wants to do with her life, etc is a good idea.

Sounds like you fundamentally disrespect both yourself as a capable woman, and also your team of young people.
Are all of them teenagers? Maybe hire more of a range of ages

I’m not sure OP will return now it’s been exposed she’s only giving 10% to her job and has alcohol issues.

I feel a lot of sympathy for OP based on that other post - "hang on, me and my friends should be starting families of our own and yet all we do is drink and work at jobs we hate".

I had to learn early on in my leadership career you can't lead everyone the same and I have learnt so much about myself and leadership as the years go on. I have lead people that have been doing their line of work for 10+ years and I have lead people who have been early in their careers.
Heres somethings I have learnt that has helped make things easier. These are just my opinion and might not work for everyone.

1. I want to get on with my team and have their respect but they are not my best friends and dont act like it. Also respect works both way.

1. Not everyone will like you, and thats OK. But hopefully they will learn to respect you, if you are a good leader. Everyone is different and there will some people that wont ever like or respect you and thats hard, but its part of leadership and you both need to have honest conversations to get the job done.

1. Not everyone works the same way and you need to get to know your team, what energises them and what are their weaknesses and do you need to focus on them. Also how they take feedback on so you can learn and pivot your approach.

1. Little and often feedback in nessassary, especially in early careers. Feedback should be constructive and supported.

1. Feedback also works both ways. Dont be afraid to ask for it. Not all feedback needs actions on the back of it.

1. Get a leadership mentor - someone who does not work in your direct team, they dont have to be in your business. Someone who you think is a great leader and you feel your values align.

1. Find someone you can trust at work, again ideally not someone in your team. Someone who is at the same level or above that you can be honest with, vent to and offload.

Lastly not everyone is a natural leader. That doesnt mean you can't be a great one but work should not drain you enough to impact your personal life. Is it time to move on?