How do I girl boss?

[AmzMcl]

Hello! I'm 32 and in a corporate job where I manage a bunch of teenagers. I wonder if this is how all management roles feel? It drains me and makes me have little social battery left for my family and friends. I honestly don't want to speak to anyone after most days in work. I don't know if this is "the price to pay" or is this normal to be drained at this level ... and when I progress will it be better?

Please, read my other comments. I'm not needing management advice. I wanted to know if managers feel like their drowning. I work in a huge company with thousands of employees, so people fly under the radar and it feels like I manage teenagers. Iv apologised for my wording so many times, please.

First, you need to be firm, assertive. being offline for hours is not acceptable when they are supposed to be working. Send an email to everyone and explain the consequences (reduced pay, no more hybrid work, official warning…).
Secondly calling them teenagers, subconsciously you are accepting of their bad behaviour and lack of respect.
Thirdly, YOU need to change your management style. Stop trying to be liked over being respected! Watch YouTube videos on different management styles.
Don’t be scared of firing someone who is taking the piss.

No, i don't feel like I am drowning. If I used the term girl boss I suspect I might actually be held underwater:)

Op, you are asking for management advice. That is why you feel you are drowning. You need to spend a day working on a plan. Call a team meeting for Monday 9.30, no excuses, put points on a slide. Say ' this week, we do this'
Get your 1:1s in, and take control.

See my second post. I am not ranting about your terminology in that one.

Your phrasing is problematic.

There are 16+ year olds in work (if you’re in the UK) so we weren’t to know that you didn’t literally employ teenagers.

A girl boss is usually a very young woman who starts their own business. You don’t sounds gen Z in your post. You’re a manager in a corporate job. Did you add the girl (I suspect you’re a woman) because you think that being a woman affects your management style?
If you are a young woman, do you suffer from imposter syndrome and lack the confidence to lead?
Do you use words like girl with your reports? If do you need to stop and treat them like adults and have them see you as an adult professional. They aren’t going to respect someone who treats them like a child.

This is all in place. 121 weekly, Informal plans have moved into formal plans. I work for a large corporation so 1) HR is delegated to me and 2) it's almost impossible to sack someone. The team I manage were not interviewed by me and have a real lack of giving a shit. I'm honestly not after management advice, but wondered if other managers feel the same. Albeit, Iv used wrong wording. From those that have commented, I understand this is not the norm.

Feeling like you're drowning means you aren't on top of your job.

As your job is management, and you don't want advice on it, no-one can help you get above the water. If you change your mind, that website linked by @AnotherYearToGo has dozens of great posts on managing young / Gen Z teams.

HR cannot be delegated to you if you are asking how to put an employee on a corrective action plan. Unless you are an HR professional?

In any case, you contact HR and say your have some team members whom are not performing. What is the process. Rank and rate the team.

Tell the team that come performance review time, it's going to be very difficult to fight their corner.

The mechanism is in place. You are not using it correctly. Are your 1:1 structured and do they have to provide their 3 top achievements, challenges and ways they followed the company values each week? No? Well make the fuckers.

Do you operate (either as a manager or as a corporation) a flexible hours policy? The falling asleep during the day I wouldn’t tolerate unless th flexibility in hours works both ways (ie they are happy to work late to get the job done).

It can be emotionally draining yes, but it shouldn’t be. How many people do you manage? I have a team of 11…. I have a daily call with them all together to highlight any immediate needs and to capture any problems that need my attention. I spread 121s across the week as evenly as I can, and I block out time in my calendar so I can do the work I need to do.

A team doesn't become great by accident.

Someone hired them and thought they were a great fit. Someone hired you, and thought you were a great fit.

Its its not working, change stuff about. Ask the team. Whiteboard it. Don't you host at that point. Let the most difficult person write on the board. Let them take turns. Make them take turns as you go through the point of your team and how you all justify working there. Not just them - you as well. Ffs don't mention ' girl boss'

Please, read my other responses. Girl boss was just an expression. Iv apologised for using it but seriously... it's not that deep. It's just an off the cuff saying. I'd use the term gals, girls, girlies, amougst friends. I didn't know it would be so offensive on here or I'd not have used it. I don't suffer from imposter syndrome or anything... was just posting to ask if it's normal to feel like your drowning.. and I used the word teenagers because that's how I feel. I work for a huge company and I do feel like my team are difficult. It's not something that can just be managed away. I'm honestly sorry I put the post up.:

I’m going to ignore all the “girl boss” nonsense, but it’s not super clear what you’re wanting from this thread? I’m a woman in senior leadership, managing a relatively large team and aside from the rare bad day I wouldn’t say I can relate to how you’re feeling.

Equally you say you don’t need management advice, but then mention you have people on your team who go awol and then openly admit they logged off for a nap. Either there’s something wrong with them (as a compassionate manager I’d want to know so I can support), or they have such little respect for you they’re taking the piss knowing they’ll get away with it. Only you’ll know which it is, but I can’t imagine any of my teams just logging off without a chat or firing me a message to explain why they’re needing to log off to sleep in the middle of the work day.

Only 2 of my team work in my location.

Did your organization provide you with management training when you stepped into the role? If not, that should be your first priority.

So people that fall asleep have been pulled up and on plans. Others who I refer to are on attendance plans, performance plans etc. I really am ok in the management aspect because I'm doing what's within my guidelines. People saying "they don't respect you"... of course they don't or I'd not be putting this post up. Please, for the last time, I work for a big company and you can put people on plans all you want... they can't be sacked. I have a 70% incompetent team on plans and it stresses me out. I just wanted to know if that's normal.

It’s hard to say what you are experiencing is or isn’t normal without a few more details from you.

How often are you interacting with your team that is causing it to drain you? How many in your team?

I don’t understand what you mean.

In your first post you say you are 32 and managing teenagers.

Then you saw you just feel like you are managing teenagers.

Are they teens or not?

Honestly, no it's not normal because I work for a company that is prepared to let people go if they are a serious underperformer. If you know your company isn't like this and nudging along poor performers is going to be permanent, you either need different coping strategies or you need to move role.

My sister manages in a company that doesn't let people go. It's a strategic game there to try and transfer your underperformers to other teams, without those other teams realising in advance and turning down the transfer. But I suspect your team has a reputation and that might be harder for you... Is there anyone who feels redeemable, and then at least at the end of the day you know you helped x progress, alongside the drain of managing CFs y and z? Sometimes a little bit of positivity goes a long way.

They are not teens. I feel like I'm managing teens. I wondered if anyone felt the same

OP, the pile on you’re getting is silly.
to answer your question, I’ve found it depends on the types of roles my team are doing. When I managed a team of administrators, I found it very draining and some of the behaviours were very challenging. I coped by remaining firm and fair, and getting to know them as well as possible to try to work out what motivated them.
making sure you are as clear and consistent about your expectations will help, as well as giving ‘in the moment’ feedback about behaviours and performance. It can feel uncomfortable at first but gets easier.
I’m an introvert, so I find managing a large team tiring anyway. My team now are all completely wonderful; my nature is that spending a lot of time with a lot of people just wipes me out.
I’d suggest trying to do some team sessions, maybe some personality profiling (there’s some free ones online!) mixed with performance expectations.
good luck!

I'm on the phone 10-15 times a day with queries on how they should proceed. There is an entire team who are employed to tell staff what to do but they give inaccurate advice so my team come to me, which I'm happy with because I'd rather them get accurate guidance but this is what drains me

If there are no consequences for people not doing their job then that’s the problem. I would be looking for a new job if I were you, this is not a healthy working environment. What are the consequences for you if your team aren’t performing? Can you talk to your manager about the problems you are facing? None of this sounds normal in my experience. It sounds like a really badly run company.

Maybe seek out some leadership/management training if you’ve not been provided with any thus far. That will help you to navigate the transition from employee to overseeing a team and assist with leadership behaviours.

Ha! I’ve just seen you’re also the ‘hitting the seah’ poster. Perhaps the two are linked?!

This is so interesting and had made me reflect on my team (3 professional women, 2 professional men, 2 men in secretarial roles).

If I am being formal. I address them as "team". On an informal side bar on Teams, i often say "chaps". I do , however, appreciate that term is gendered. I would stop it if a female member of staff objected.

In an all female team in my last job our (older, female) manager called us "girls or ladies", and I didn't mind that at all. Mostly because l liked being in an all female team.

If I'm very close to a male or female colleague I might address him /her as Mr X or Ms Y. But that is a tongue in cheek joke.

Surrey OP, I know you have been eaten for breakfast on the term "girl boss" ( and I hate that term). But really what it making sure they understand the project, leave them to do it and be there if they need a hand.
Trust them, don't micromanage
.
"Grow them so they can leave, nurture then so they don't want to".

Ok, slightly sickly. But ultimately true.

Managing people is hard work, and yes, it can be stressful. This applies equally to both male and female managers.

It is typically harder if you lack the skills and experience to do it effectively. Which I suspect is what might be happening in your case.