Close to a work breakdown

[NotCoping54]

I do not know what to do. Work has always been a bit stressful but lately it has been a lot worse. Now even on good days I seem to be stuck in a constant fight or flight mode, pressure in chest, struggling to breathe. I'm questioning every decision I take, worried it will be a disaster and I'll get fired. The company has a history of getting rid of people on a whim.

I've not slept in weeks. It takes me ages to fall asleep, I take sleep gummies and listen to sleep hypnosis then if one of the DC wakes me up I have to start all over again and it can take hours in the middle of the night. The sleep I get inbetween is really light, the sleep score on my smart watch every morning is awful.

This morning at 4.30 I logged in as I had to check I hadn't missed anything on a project.

It can't carry on like this, but I can't change jobs right now for a variety of reasons and can't go without a salary. My only option is to carry on but just not let the stress affect me. How do I do that?

I hear you! Work can be stressful. My actual job doesnt stress me. My boss stresses me

I think you should go to your doctor and say this. It sounds to me like you should be signed off. That should give you some breathing space to rest and reset and will also give your work the opportunity to reflect on how to help you.

Wish I had some advice but I can wholey sympathise with your situation. I am in a similar place. Cant sleep, can't eat, lethargic, panic attacks etc.
My advice, if you can't leave yey or go off sick, start making a get out plan. Research other companies , update your cv, refresh your skills etc. Having a plan in place has helped me a little. I have no end date yet for various reasons but its the best I can do in a shitty situation.

I've just got some really good support guides off Etsy to help me with exactly this issue.

My workplace is very toxic and like you I can't leave at the moment due to mortgage and debts, so trying to find strategies to get through until I can get either a new job or steady freelance work.

@NotCoping54 if you DM me I can show you what I got. It was really helpful.

Wow OP if you are feeling like this surely there’s a failure of management in your organisation. Quite apart from the human impact, it can’t be good business having staff in perpetual fight or flight mode.

You need to go to your GP and get signed off before you have a breakdown - trust me on this, I learned the hard way.

Don't get to crisis point with this, particularly as you have kids. It was horrible for mine to see me in such a state, I let it get to the point where I couldn't get out of bed and needed 6 weeks off.

Get signed off and put some distance between you and your work, it will really help with perspective. It's just work. You are doing so much better than you think you are - its not what is happening that is the problem, it's the lens you are seeing it through as you are worn out.

If you have a parent to fuss over you and it's practical to go and stay with them for a few days, do it.

Hope you are better soon 💐💐💐

This. 100% this. Stress will literally kill you. Work isn’t worth it.

Getting signed off for 6 weeks when I was at the point of unaliving and having psychotic episodes saved my life.

Can you talk to your line manager or HR?

I don't think going off sick is really the answer because you will need to go back to work and whatever is stressing you will be there.

Are you able to talk to someone at work about what's stressing you?

Is it deadlines? Is it simply far too much to do in the day? Is it difficult colleagues?

Does your work use coaches to help improve your performance and reduce stress? This is a management issue. A good manager will listen to you and try to support you.

Have you told anyone how you're feeling?

I"m so grateful for the messages and sorry you all went through this too.

You're so right , health is so much more important. I'm really worried it's going to make me ill (lost my mum to cancer very young, so already feel like the odds are stacked against me) and it's almost like I can feel my body being damaged by the constant state of stress I am in and the lack of sleep. This is surely not worth any money in the world.

It's also making me less available for my kids and it's time I'll never get back. Before i'd relax when they got home, just them being home was making me forget everything about work, now I'm just on edge trying not to burst into tears.

My direct manager is very supportive but we're only too aware of the toxic culture and how dysfunctional it all is. People are fired regularly, the rest have to pick up the slack, we're set up for failure and then the cycle starts again. If I went off sick honestly they would just fire me. Or i'd come back after a few weeks and would be even more stressed and behind as noone would have been able to pick up my projects.

@gotthearse I definitely feel like I have suddenly lost all perspective. All I see is work, this huge boulder in front of me that feels life-or-death and nothing else. I used to be so good at unplugging and relaxing evenings and weekends but suddenly it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

@CynthiaRothrock yes I think I need to put energy into building a future plan instead. In fact when I start thinking about it I feel my heartrate slowing down a bit, just knowing it won't be forever.

@GinsBond i would love that info. Unfortunately I dont use the app but the browser version and can not get DMing to work..

Deadlines and simply far too much to do, so I don't have time to consider everything as carefully as I should, then little things slip, and I need even more time to fix them, and I basically just worry about when something big is going to slip that I can't fix. So my brain constantly thinks and reviews everything.

Knowing there are no second chances in this company adds so much pressure as I think I'll just get fired the moment I make a mistake and my whole career will be ruined. Like the Sword of Damocles hanging over my head.

I think go to your gp and tell them how you feel. I was like this when covid hit, and i was working at home for months and for hours without a break, and our manager was very pressuring and punitive. I got super anxious, I kept thinking i was going to be fired, i was on alert all the time. It was exhausting but I couldnt relax.

I asked to be referred to occupational health at work. They encouraged me to take some annual leave and it helped even though i was still at home. I also contacted my gp. I didnt get signed off as i took some leave.
I was helped by antidepressant medication, going for daily walks, or twice daily walks, getting weekly telephone counselling through work, and using the headspace app.
Have you got an employee helpline as often they can arrange the counselling?

The medication, i remember well, i didnt want to be on it, but it did help and took real effect after two weeks.
I hope you will please seek some help just to reset your brain. Xx

Could you refer yourself to therapy through your workplace?
You can also refer yourself to Mental Health Access to Work https://atw.maximusuk.co.uk/

This too shall pass.... I keep telling myself, as I lay here in bed having palpitations about going to work tomorrow 🤯 but I keep.thinking of my different get out plans, what else.i need to do to make them.work.
Can you put a timeline on a get out plan? Or a time frame to aim for? I'm looking at 3-6 months. But that is dependant on a few factors.

@NotCoping54

I tried messaging you but not sure if it went through.

This is the site I found at 3am when my head was spinning out:

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/WorkplaceWisdomCo

I've bought two so far, the toxic workplace one and the one about thinking you're going to be fired. I've used them to develop my own plans which has helped me feel stronger and a bit more in control.

They are still new and hopefully they'll do more but it's been useful for me when I needed something to help me calm down and I'm on my own. I've tried therapy but haven't found someone I've clicked with and just felt it was a lot of money for not much so kind of felt worse.

My boss swings between catastrophising about the state of the economy and how it impacts the company, to joking about survival of the fittest. Its really toxic and I'm convinced that they're lining up redundancies. I can't sit back and just wait, it's impacting my mental health, so I'm taking steps to be more in control. I'm already thinking about retraining now into a new field.

Sick of corporate life, so I know exactly how you feel and you're not alone.

@NotCoping54If you really can't take a break then I think GP for some meds and a referral to NHS Talking Therapies and a lot of self care are essential.

You need to eat well, get outside/in nature each day if you can, and connect with friends/family often. All of these will help.

The work and the deadlines will be there whether you worry about them or not, so keep telling your self that the worry doesn't make a difference - it's just the way your brain is thinking right now as it's stuck in flight/flight mode. This is very effective at keeping us alive in the forest, but less effective in an office environment.

Go all in with the self care and have a constant internal dialog with your self that it's just work, the panic is not real, just a brain chemistry reaction, and that you are doing great. X

You need to talk to HR.

How big is the company? What kind of work is it you do? Broadly, so it's not outing.

If the workplace is toxic you need to make that clear up the management chain through your immediate boss. Is it the sort of company where you have a union rep and can talk to them?

The company will go under if they treat all employees like this.

If none of the above is possible, you need to change your mindset. Easier sad than done, I know, but do the minimum and meanwhile work on a plan to find another job.

Stop worrying and change that emotion to anger , that they can treat employees like this. They would also need a concrete reason to sack you or it would be unfair dismissal.

Thank you so much all, it has really helped my mindset already.

I had a long chat with DH yesterday, in tears, and he said that losing my job would be a lot less detrimental to the family than having a breakdown.

So I'm not going to do anything crazy like quit today, but definitely will take some distance.

@ITIgnoramus I am there on the anger now, and it is definitely a better feeling to channel.

I slept slightly better last night, I woke a few times but kept the panic at bay enough to not be awake for hours, progress!

Just keep calling them all 'bastards' and that you will eventually leave the mad house!

That's the spirit, love that!

Buy a punch bag and give it a name! Or names!

I’m there with you OP. Work has been breaking me and I’ve been like this for nearly two years. Don’t sleep, don’t eat, no joy in anything. Just panic and stress and every day is such a slog. I’m now at the point where I’ve taken everything else out of my life that I actually enjoy doing just to have enough energy to go to work. I spend time with my kids stressing and worrying, work until the early hours, I don’t see my friends anymore, I don’t exercise anymore, I don’t have the headspace for hobbies anymore. I don’t look like myself, I don’t feel like myself, I don’t like myself, and am working ever increasing hours for ever decreasing returns. I haven’t had a day off in years let alone an actual holiday where I don’t have to work. Calling in sick isn’t an option. I’ve been hospitalised this year more than once and I still went to work.

If the sword of Damocles falls I would lose my job, several other peoples jobs, could actually hurt or kill somebody, lose my life savings, house, reputation, or go to gaol.

All I can do right now is take it moment by moment and plan retirement. But I do think about just walking out on it all.

I’m the same, I’m pretty sure I’m in the middle of a genuine breakdown. I’ve been diagnosed with anorexia, increased my sertraline and been referred to the CMHT but the first appointment is not til 18th December 😡. I can’t focus on anything, I’m making mistakes, double booking myself. I can’t even focus to read things I need to. I have angry, distressed thoughts swirling round and round my head that won’t stop. Ever. I’m also having panic attacks on the way to work. It shouldn’t be like this!! A lot of my colleagues are the same and if I go off sick, it’ll put more stress onto them. It’s unmanageable. It’s at the point where I’ve made a plan to end my life when DS reaches adulthood in 2 years time as I can’t do 30 more years of this, I absolutely can’t. At least he’ll get my death in service payment.

We're so sorry to hear that so many of you are having a difficult time at the moment.

If you’re struggling, we encourage you to take a look at our Mental health webguide, where you’ll find links to resources that can offer guidance and someone to talk to, and practical steps to help you cope.

Please take care of yourselves and don't hesitate to seek support if you need it.

@SheSpeaks your post jumped out at me. The scenarios in your penultimate paragraph sound cataclysmic. I mean this kindly- it sounds like you are catastrophising. Would those things really happen? You are putting yourself in a most tense situation by projecting those scenarios. I know what it’s like to have a job that grinds you down. I was in a clinical role where due to a combination of impossible personal caring responsibilities and toxic interactions with colleagues I started to feel I was incapable of all but the most basic tasks. When I could I left and got a job in a much less pressured workplace and have never felt that again.

@Idstillratherbepaddleboarding i hope you get the help you need soon. No job is worth feeling like that and no death in service payment can compensate for the loss of a parent.