Nuerodiverse colleague

[moana35]

I am having a few problems with a colleague at work. She is neurodiverse so adjustments have had to be made but these adjustments are meaning that myself and my colleagues are doing alot more than we did before she was employed.

She is very black and white about time so she will not be at her desk until her digital smart watch says the start time on her contract and again she leaves at the exact time she is supposed to finish even if in the middle of something. Lunch is an hour but due to needing to re compress for the afternoon she needs to take 75 minutes as she needs to go for a walk and eat. She has to sit in front of a window which means all our places in the office have been changed.

From Monday we are not allowed to drink coffee at our desks anymore only tea as the smell makes her gag.

Aside from this she is a very good worker and gets her work done to a good standard but it is impacting on the morale of the team. She is also exempt from training mornings if they are "small room " based as she can't sit in a room with a big group of people. She will be allowed to do her training online.

Management say as she declared her nuerodiversity at interview these adjustments have to be made for her I get reasonable adjustments and I have an autistic son but are these adjustments reasonable to the rest of the team.

If we took 15 mins extra for lunch or asked our colleague to not drink coffee I am sure we would be spoken to by management,

Has anyone else come across this in the workplace.

Oh yes! Women!! How dare you!! You have been TOLD you must behave as X tells you, and can only drink and eat what X permits!
how very dare you not submit!!!

Presumably others smoke, or take drink breaks?

Business rely on goodwill, people stating a little early, finishing a little late. Your employer has demonstrated they will tolerate work to
rule, so if they were to express unhappiness about you doing it, they haven’t got a leg to stand on. She’s done you all a favour - take back your unpaid time.

I’d say starting and finishing on time is healthy boundaries. I also think that 1 hour for lunch is the longer end of the usual and if she wants extra, it should be adjusted in pay

However I totally draw the line at no coffee in the office, that’s just ridiculous

But it takes quite a bit of time to drink coffee, if you can’t do it at your desk when are you supposed to fit it in

I think it’s great you work for an employer that is being so accommodating to someone’s needs as so many wouldn’t and aren’t supportive of any adjustments some employees may require.

id imagine if you went to your boss to complain they would easily be able to address your concerns and you would sound a bit petty.

Maybe I read you tone wrong - the way you worded it sounded pretty judgemental on the people who
" seem to be utterly reliant on stimulants/caffeine to be able to function through a basic day in the office"

I said yawn to the pp you're replying to, because she called me ableist for pointing out the huge time difference between 15 minutes and 120 minutes which is fact. She tried to make out I meant something else.

I'm sure if the woman in the OP said she needed 2 hours out post day unpaid at interview then either she might not be offered the role or they might not pay her for those 2 hours. 15 minutes is a very reasonable adjustment and some are so wildly against disabled people having an extra 15 minutes, they are making up fake scenarios to try and prove... I'm not sure what they're trying to prove.

This woman disclosed what she needed and the employer accepted. Maybe an employer would accept 2 hours paid for not working, who knows. If they did, that is because it's needed. Like this poor woman needs 15 mins to do her job well.

To be honest, I get the irrational anger about coffee too. I love coffee and have needed it to function for as long as I can remember. The thing is, I also understand what it is like to be neurodivergent and have needs of my own. I do empathise with the NTs as I feel my needs very strongly. But I find it is much less likely for them to empathise with me. Everyone needs to be kind, but being NT is the default. Most have no idea how difficult it is to be ND.

So op is petty, but ‘I don’t like the smell of coffee, stop them having it’ isn’t?

I am saying that I think this one particular adjustment is unreasonable. That is not advocating for the needs of the non-disabled over the disabled. I have also shared how I manage my own similar triggers in an office environment.

I actually think all the other adjustments sound reasonable, and even if not are none of OP’s business.

Just because someone with a disability asks for something doesn’t mean it’s a reasonable request to grant.

Yeah I feel my needs very strongly too. Wtf. You realise this is subjective? I don't know what this means for you and you don't know what this means for each of the other 500 people in the office.

I honestly sometimes wonder how you guys imagine NT and their lives. As if it's the same for everyone and everyone can perfectly regulate at all times. I find it ridiculous. Not that people might need adjustments. I find it ridiculous with what conviction ND people often think they understand the life of a NT person and how they literally think certain adjustments are something very minor for everyone NT.

All I can say is that it fills me with hope to read about companies making such reasonable adjustments for ND people. She’s working and not sat at home just claiming benefits when she what’s to work.

I agree with op who said you need to speak to management about the things affecting you and how they can be sorted out for you, independent of what she’s getting.

It seems reasonable to me. If coffee is really important on your team maybe ask for a morning break to go and have a coffee in the kitchen. You may feel less put out by her extra time on lunch then. Morale will get low if the team get into the state of bitching and moaning about it. It's best understanding the need and accepting it so you can all get on.

From my experience on mumsnet, nd people hate those they define as nt, so therefore are not allowed to be affected by family,friends or colleagues who are —self diagnosed— NT and are allowed no other response than a princess bride…. ‘As you wish’!!!

Maybe this lady could have some mints with her and when the smell of coffee gets too overwhelming she can suck a mint or a boiled sweet, whatever her favourite flavour. Seriously.

It's not for OP or anyone else to second-guess someone's reasonable adjustments. You're not a medical professional nor are you Occupational Health, so keep your conjectures to yourselves.

My RAs took over six months to agree, involved the input of Occupational Health and my physiotherapist, and required submission of supporting documentation. Given the hoops I had to jump through, I would regard a colleague accusing me of "taking the piss" as harassment on the basis of an Equality Act protected characteristic and would make a formal complaint on that basis.

The difference is that being ND is a disability. Yes, everyone experiences difficulties but by the very definition, a disabled person experiences them to the point that it is a diagnosable disability. Your comparison is ridiculous. It's like saying "oh you have narcolepsy? I sleep every night! We have the same struggle!".

The coffee thing is a bit much, but if it were an allergy (peanuts in the office for example) people would adjust.

All the other stuff is just fluff, stop with all this infantile “Oh but SHE gets blah blah”

I’m perfectly entitled to my opinion thank you. And I’ll voice them.

What an absolutely depressing read, I feel so sorry for this poor person. I really hope she's not on mumsnet.

"She’s just plonked herself there and wants to change the way these ladies live their lives at work."

Wow.

Nope, don't hate NT people. Just sick of seeing posts like this that make us feel shit because of shitty office politics. We are just trying to live our lives and could do without the school playground bitchiness. We have all suffered enough.

so if a colleague said “I have a food phobia, you can no longer eat during the day in the work place, and must do so in your vehicle or 500m from my eyeline… “ youd acquiesce?

Depressing indeed. I guess many never grow out of school playground mentality.

I think allowing a coffee break is a good solution @JLou08.

As others have said, this isn’t a life-threatening allergy so they could drink coffee in another area and return to the office.

So much of this thread reminds me of the trans discourse ten or more years ago, where the needs of a small minority were made front and center. Everyone else wasn’t entitled to needs. Everyone else was being a brat. Selfish, unempathetic, willingly destroying this special class. “Just bathrooms” and all that. Unbelievable. Reasonable adjustment should be reasonable, and that means honoring that the needs of other employees (of seniority!) matter too.

You are seriously comparing men swinging their dicks in women's loos and prisons to someone taking a 75 minute lunch break instead of 60?

I'll give you a hint as to what the difference is: no one was put at risk of rape and pregnancy by a colleague taking a long lunch.