Childcare with Granparents

[BethanyEllen99]

Back Story:
My mum offered to look after my son, 1 day a week so I could go back to work part time. he does 2 full days at nursery also.
We are basically having a bit of a fall out recently because they've bought a lodge and want to go on holiday in half terms because my older brother is still at high school. This is fine but she want me to use my holidays which I only get around 12 in a year. I personally don't think this is fair as if they go up for 2/3 in summer and 2 half terms during the year that's potentially 5 holidays, ill have to use for her to go on holiday. Am I being unreasonable because she helps me out so I can work a day with free childcare?

You are being unreasonable I’m afraid.

Yes you are being very unreasonable. If you don't want to use a days holiday pay for an extra day at nursery. If you used a childminder they too would want to go on holiday from time to time. Of course your mum should be able to go on holiday when she wants to.

Unreasonable, demanding and very entitled.

This could happen with any childcare arrangement. Considering that it's free, it's up to you to be flexible . Do you really think that your childcare needs are more important than your brother and her breaks ? Could your child maybe go with them say on a Friday and you pick him up Saturday or is it too far ?

And if you are unkind or aggressive about it in speaking with her , you might yourself with no childcare at all .

Yes, YABU.

If you don’t want to use holidays then you can pay for childcare.

Sorry but yeah you are. Is she never meant to be off / go away?! I pay for childcare to get more consistency but even then they do have leave

Well she doesn’t have to have your child at all. I think she has every right to go on holiday, Can Childs father not cover some of those holidays? So you don’t use as many of your leave days?

Agree with all the above posters. Your mother is doing You a HUGE favour. You do not get to dictate what holidays she takes. She wants to take your school age brother on holidays and sensibly wants to take him when he is in school holidays. Or are you offering to pay any fines she.might incur taking him in term time. Nah. Thought not. And now you are having 'fall outs' because you want to control her choices about her free time (and that of your brother). You should be appreciative of the favour she is doing you not throwing your entitled weight around and say "yes mum go and enjoy yourselves " You don't own her just because she is helping you for free. Using your own (paid) holiday allowance is normal when (unpaid) grandparents dare to go on holiday. If you want your childcare to be available at all times pay up for another day at nursery.

Fair? If I were your mum I would stop offering free childcare for good.
of course she can go on holiday and you look after the child or make other arrangements.

I’ve read a lot of really unreasonable expectations of gp giving free childcare but this is up there with the most unreasonable
What do you expect them to do? Not go on holiday unless they ok it with you? Only go when you do.
FFS

Most childcare is shut at some point.

even nurseries often shut between Christmas and new year. Childminders also take holidays.

if she’s doing it for free you are even more unreasonable.

Is it a reverse?

This is exactly why I would never use grandparents as childcare.
You are unreasonable and entitled.

YABU. My mum looks after my youngest one day a week but obviously if she wants to go on holiday she’s allowed! Could you and your partner not split the time so you’re not using so much leave?

I'm afraid you are being rather unreasonable, yes.

However, as your mum has agreed to do childcare on a regular weekly basis - and she's aware that you rely on it and your working week is dependant upon her being available once a week - I think it's reasonable for you to expect her to let you know in advance when she will not be available, so you have time to make alternative arrangements.

YABU, she's doing you a massive favour. Can't they take your son with them, some of the time at least? Or ask nursery for an extra day?

Surely your partner can take an equal amount of days off to cover, so it doesn't use as much leave.

There’s a lot of words to describe you in this situation. Ungrateful and unreasonable are two of them.

She has a right to go on holiday!
I presume she is offering the childcare for free?
I'm sorry but yes you are being unreasonable. If this arrangement isn't working for you you will have to put him into nursery for the three days.

I agree with all of the PP. You decided to have kids. That means if you don't have childcare you either pay for it or take the holidays. I haven't returned to work because we didn't have any family to rely on and couldn't afford the nursery fees and wraparound care for 2 DC. That means we have half of our usual income, but we manage because we've chosen to have these kids, they're nobody else's responsibility.

You do realise some people don’t have any grandparent support at all so ALL of the childcare is either paid for or using your annual leave?!

Do you have any idea how fortunate you are? Just book some annual leave or pay for extra days in nursery.

Oh for god sake. Of course you're unreasonable. The best bit about being retired is availing of cheap holidays in the off season. You're wildly unfair to expect her to never to go unless it suits you.

Furthermore, you're saying that your school aged brother can't have holidays because of your childcare. So you're being doubly entitled.

It's worse. Her mother is still tied to school holidays because of OP 's brother, AND OP expected her to be tied to the childcare all year round.