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New job: undermined

67 replies

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:40

This is long, sorry.

I had a great job, hybrid, lots of WFH, part time with regular weekdays off.
Perfect for me with disability and kids, but I was bored.
No progression, not stimulating. Then a job came up that felt more me , aligned with my skills and experience, interesting, challenging, more hours, less holiday but school hours (not term time only unfortunately).

I enjoy the job and know I’m good at it.
I’m the only one doing my role. My predecessor left before I joined, so I’ve been learning as I go.
I was told to make the job my own, which I’ve done. It’s public facing and relies heavily on volunteers.

There was no clear system for seeing customers, people would wait around for ages, volunteers would call my name while I was with someone else.
It felt chaotic and unfair to customers, so I introduced a simple reception process to manage things better. It’s basic, I tested it with colleagues, one said she really liked it.

Every day I introduce it to the day’s team of volunteers, saying it’s a trial and I’m open to feedback. I’ve tweaked it when needed.

One day I was out at a meeting and my boss sent an email to everyone saying not to follow the new process after I’d not been there to introduce it to the team, honestly it is simple and nothing more than you’d be asked at any appointment anywhere .

I explained I needed some structure, then she agreed I could keep using it.

The next week, while working with customers , I overheard volunteers talking about me , through two appointments. Loudly & negatively, comparing me to my predecessor, saying I don’t understand our clients, that I’m inexperienced. It was humiliating and unprofessional.

One came over afterwards to give their collective “feedback.” I told her I’d heard everything they said whilst I was working. She explained why they didn’t like it , she said she didn’t care one way or the other…
most reasons were spurious but I listened, took notes, said I’d adapt it.
She said she’d bring it to their volunteer team meeting.

I left the room and heard them still talking about me. When I came back, it continued.

While they were gossiping, they missed a key security step that could’ve put us at risk.

At the end of the shift she said she was going upstairs to talk to my manager (apparently not about me). She then left, all smiles. Another volunteer left, saying goodbye to everyone except me.

My manager then came to ask if I was ok , clearly the volunteer had said something.
I explained what happened.
She said the loudest complainer always behaves like that, that new staff often go through this, and shared examples.
I was shocked they were still being allowed to volunteer.

My boss said I should’ve run my new process by her, but I reminded her she’d told me to make the role my own.
She then admitted the volunteer lied , there was never a system before, and my predecessor didn’t have a structured one. She said they actually like my professionalism and ‘modern’ way of working.

Mind blown.

We agreed I’d remove my form temporarily while we create a more basic version.

The next day, without it, I was run off my feet.
Whilst with a customer ,
I again heard volunteers whispering about me , different people this time, saying “she’s still learning” and discussing parts of the service outside my remit as though I was doing something wrong but it’s something legally I’m not allowed to touch.
I couldn’t hear it all as working, but it really upset me.

I thought I was doing well. After years of WFH, this has been a big adjustment with my health, but I was excited to prove myself. Now I just feel crushed and embarrassed .

I’ve thrown what felt like an amazing opportunity for a disabled mum just because I was bored .

My old WFH job isn’t being re-advertised, and I can’t find anything similar.
I feel stupid for leaving a safe role for this , and now I’m stuck in a toxic, undermining environment where I feel exposed, vulnerable, and unprotected.

How do I deal with this?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:42

See if you can go back to your old job?
raise a complaint in your current tole
is it a charity?

rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:43

The volunteers behaviour is unacceptable

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:46

rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:42

See if you can go back to your old job?
raise a complaint in your current tole
is it a charity?

I left the old job a few months ago and had a break in between starting the new one because there were adaptations being put in place at new job which haven’t materialised . I’ve been told they’re not replacing me in my old job.
I feel so disappointed and like I’ve let myself down.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:48

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:46

I left the old job a few months ago and had a break in between starting the new one because there were adaptations being put in place at new job which haven’t materialised . I’ve been told they’re not replacing me in my old job.
I feel so disappointed and like I’ve let myself down.

You haven’t let yourself down
good for you on being ambitious and trying something different

log the behaviour you’ve described factually and raise it
in the meantime look for other work

PomegranatePrincess · 16/10/2025 18:48

Did you discuss the new processes with the volunteers before introducing them? The reason I’m asking is often volunteers have been in the role for a while and have a wealth of experience. Your manager doesn’t sound particularly great at managing tbh.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:52

rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:43

The volunteers behaviour is unacceptable

I’m absolutely disgusted by it. I was so upset at first but now I’m just angry. I understand maybe I could have presented it differently but I never imagined something so basic and standard would cause such a fuss, these are mainly retired ‘professionals’ so it’s not as though I’ve introduced anything too challenging. I realised when they were complaining that there’s two lines I could have written more clearly but I’d have easily changed that.
its no more than name, date, a tick list for ‘this is our services’ and a space for anything else’.
i assume its because its more ‘work’ for them or because its something new and it came from me and not a manager but some of the excuses they’ve given are bonkers, I can’t write them here in case its too identifying but they’re using my lack of professionalism and experience as the excuse.
i feel horrible. I can’t just walk out, I have a mortgage and am single parent but I just want to cry non stop. I have to keep it together for the kids

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:53

rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:48

You haven’t let yourself down
good for you on being ambitious and trying something different

log the behaviour you’ve described factually and raise it
in the meantime look for other work

Edited

Than you, yes I feel that’s all I can do

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:58

PomegranatePrincess · 16/10/2025 18:48

Did you discuss the new processes with the volunteers before introducing them? The reason I’m asking is often volunteers have been in the role for a while and have a wealth of experience. Your manager doesn’t sound particularly great at managing tbh.

It’s a different team of volunteers each day so I go through it with each team every morning.

I have explained why I want to make it more structured for all of us, customers, me and volunteers, plus I can use the form afterwards to help me remember who I’ve seen, what I’ve done and need to do etc.

I find it difficult to work with x number of people waiting to see me with no idea of how long I’ll be.
I’m seeing people back to back with no idea what they’re coming to me for , no time to prep or even go for a wee or have snack.
I wanted to offer some sort of appointment system or I’d contact people after to make my own appointment rather than having a bottleneck of everyone waiting at once and volunteers on my case non stop trying to get my attention whilst I’m working.
my predecessor was in a different room which is no longer available

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:01

PomegranatePrincess · 16/10/2025 18:48

Did you discuss the new processes with the volunteers before introducing them? The reason I’m asking is often volunteers have been in the role for a while and have a wealth of experience. Your manager doesn’t sound particularly great at managing tbh.

The wealth of experience was why I invited the feedback and said it’s a trial, and have had lots of feedback, but it’s the way they were just sitting around ripping into me whilst in the same room as me and I’m with customers.
i am open to feedback and happy for them to discuss me and moan behind my back but that behaviour is shocking

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:09

I’ve scrapped it now tbh, at least for the time being. I haven’t got the capacity to deal with all of this on top of learning a new job. I have such huge regrets for trying to make my work life more fulfilling instead of coasting.
better the devil you know I guess.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 16/10/2025 19:10

My boss said I should’ve run my new process by her, but I reminded her she’d told me to make the role my own.
She then admitted the volunteer lied , there was never a system before, and my predecessor didn’t have a structured one. She said they actually like my professionalism and ‘modern’ way of working.

Your boss needs to say this to the volunteers, not just you. Not the bit about the volunteer lied, perhaps (though she should take that up 1-1 with the volunteer,), but that new processes are going to help you all be more efficient, and that everyone needs to follow them, and give constructive feedback if there are steps which are unclear o'r won't work, because it's up to everyone to help make it work.

It would probably help to give people a week's notice before a new process comes in, and for them to read and give feedback.

Volunteers are tricky to manage. Most voluntary organisations don't have enough volunteers, and if they feel pissed off, they can just leave.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:12

rubyslippers · 16/10/2025 18:42

See if you can go back to your old job?
raise a complaint in your current tole
is it a charity?

It’s a not for profit cic

OP posts:
PomegranatePrincess · 16/10/2025 19:15

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 18:58

It’s a different team of volunteers each day so I go through it with each team every morning.

I have explained why I want to make it more structured for all of us, customers, me and volunteers, plus I can use the form afterwards to help me remember who I’ve seen, what I’ve done and need to do etc.

I find it difficult to work with x number of people waiting to see me with no idea of how long I’ll be.
I’m seeing people back to back with no idea what they’re coming to me for , no time to prep or even go for a wee or have snack.
I wanted to offer some sort of appointment system or I’d contact people after to make my own appointment rather than having a bottleneck of everyone waiting at once and volunteers on my case non stop trying to get my attention whilst I’m working.
my predecessor was in a different room which is no longer available

If you’ve explained it and asked them for feedback then they’re being really unfair on you.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:16

EBearhug · 16/10/2025 19:10

My boss said I should’ve run my new process by her, but I reminded her she’d told me to make the role my own.
She then admitted the volunteer lied , there was never a system before, and my predecessor didn’t have a structured one. She said they actually like my professionalism and ‘modern’ way of working.

Your boss needs to say this to the volunteers, not just you. Not the bit about the volunteer lied, perhaps (though she should take that up 1-1 with the volunteer,), but that new processes are going to help you all be more efficient, and that everyone needs to follow them, and give constructive feedback if there are steps which are unclear o'r won't work, because it's up to everyone to help make it work.

It would probably help to give people a week's notice before a new process comes in, and for them to read and give feedback.

Volunteers are tricky to manage. Most voluntary organisations don't have enough volunteers, and if they feel pissed off, they can just leave.

Yes I think I was naive thinking that a small process to enable me to perform more efficiently would cause such uproar.

it seems to have upset a very small percentage but now I’m starting to wonder if everyone feels this way and nobody’s had the nerve to tell me until that particular team started publicly slating me.

I’ve never experienced anything like it. It’s an open plan area and some of them went off to whisper about me after I’d reiterated that I’d heard the whole conversation.

it make me feel quite vulnerable to be told that this is standard behaviour for many of them and has been for years and everyone just gets used to it

OP posts:
NorthSouthEast · 16/10/2025 19:16

Can you get rid of the saboteur volunteer? If they are always like this, what’s the point of them? I’d stick with the job a while longer, it sounds as though you’re good at it and can make a difference and have more job satisfaction too. It’s just this volunteer and their mates making life difficult. I bet others are fine with your new system, just the squeaky wheel making the most noise.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:19

PomegranatePrincess · 16/10/2025 19:15

If you’ve explained it and asked them for feedback then they’re being really unfair on you.

Because I can’t deal with further conflict I’ve just scrapped it altogether but I know they will still discuss it at their own meeting because of how officious the spokesperson was. She told me not to worry , you’re still earning, you’ll soon pick it up, when in fact I’ve done this work for decades, and it’s not my actual work that has caused this mess and now I feel like they’re going to find something new every day to scrutinise and complain about.

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:25

NorthSouthEast · 16/10/2025 19:16

Can you get rid of the saboteur volunteer? If they are always like this, what’s the point of them? I’d stick with the job a while longer, it sounds as though you’re good at it and can make a difference and have more job satisfaction too. It’s just this volunteer and their mates making life difficult. I bet others are fine with your new system, just the squeaky wheel making the most noise.

It’s funny, one day one when I met ‘spokesperson’ volunteer I had a feeling that she was not genuine.

on my second day , the ‘spokesperson’ volunteer said something to me that made me think that I was going to have a difficult working relationship with her so I pledged in my head to keep everything professional and to keep a respectful distance and the morning before everything kicked off she was pushing me for something which is exactly what she said the volunteers were refusing to do.

her and the saboteur volunteer are probably two of the longest serving members of the team, preceding the managers and any of the paid staff.
the fact my boss said she has been through T hi s and worse with the Sab and some of the others yet they’re still in post doesn’t fill me with any confidence whatsoever.

it makes me feel more vulnerable and wonders what other toxic stuff I’ve yet to discover.

There’s already a few other culture things which absolutely do not fit with what I applied for and I just keep feeling blindsided at every turn

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 16/10/2025 19:31

Time for the trouble makers to find a new volunteering opportunity. you’re not the problem here.

if you could picture it without this drama and bullying would you want to stay?

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:43

ProfessorInkling · 16/10/2025 19:31

Time for the trouble makers to find a new volunteering opportunity. you’re not the problem here.

if you could picture it without this drama and bullying would you want to stay?

i think so. I’m so confused, I thought it would be better for me working shorter days across the week rather than three full days and two days off. I have so much to offer but I’m absolutely drained .

I had a break up, then a holiday with my kids and been ill since before the summer holiday with Covid and then non stop infections so I’m running on absolutely empty.

i got straight into my job on day one, I was expecting an induction plan but none of anything I expected and was promised has materialised .

ive gone above and beyond nearly every day. There’s no space to do the required training,
i feel like im challenging and asking for clarification every day and now this issue with the volunteers, i feel scrutinised, judged, disrespected and disliked and as though any minute now they’re going to tell me it’s not working out and tbh who can blame them?

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 19:46

If they’ve got away with this crap for years then how can it be any different now?
my other colleagues who have been through this are at least married ( and much younger than me), one said she had been feeling very unhappy and that my arrival had given her new hope.
the other has secretly empathised with me but at the same time is closely linked to the volunteers and manager who are of course all good friends with my predecessor.
i feel like I’ve walked into an absolute nightmare.
im not strong enough to change things from within on my own

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 16/10/2025 19:56

How long have you been in the job OP?

Volunteers can be tricky. They know they hold all the cards and can be very set in their ways and resistant to change.

You said you have several teams. Would it be possible to properly trial your new ideas with one or two of the more receptive teams while treading water with saboteur's team? Keep records of how many clients you have seen and how much more productive you are on the trial days.

Continue liaising with your managers.
Don't be afraid of saboteur and spokesperson. Your managers seem to have their measure and know how challenging they are. Try to find out what their skills and enthusiasms are so you can harness them to benefit your organisation.

TY78910 · 16/10/2025 20:05

Be a leader. Pull them all in a room together and hash it out. Say I’ve recently implemented X. I asked for some feedback in the moment, but upon reflection it seems the roll out was a bit too quick and some may have been missed. I’d like this opportunity to get us all together and build it together. Facilitate the season - get them to give you solutions to problems. Whether you actually use their feedback or not, at least you’ve given them the platform to feel like they’re a part of it.

But alongside this you really need to start making relationships. Rule #1 of coming in to a new workplace and managing people is to build rapport before you start implementing change.

Unfortunately volunteers will often have this God complex because they come in and work for free. The can’t be ‘managed’ because you don’t pay them. So they think they run the roost because they’re the ones that are contributing something, not the other way round.

Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 20:28

TY78910 · 16/10/2025 20:05

Be a leader. Pull them all in a room together and hash it out. Say I’ve recently implemented X. I asked for some feedback in the moment, but upon reflection it seems the roll out was a bit too quick and some may have been missed. I’d like this opportunity to get us all together and build it together. Facilitate the season - get them to give you solutions to problems. Whether you actually use their feedback or not, at least you’ve given them the platform to feel like they’re a part of it.

But alongside this you really need to start making relationships. Rule #1 of coming in to a new workplace and managing people is to build rapport before you start implementing change.

Unfortunately volunteers will often have this God complex because they come in and work for free. The can’t be ‘managed’ because you don’t pay them. So they think they run the roost because they’re the ones that are contributing something, not the other way round.

Yes I have never worked in an environment where it’s mainly volunteers. I have worked hard to get to know them as well as possible, it’s only been a couple of months, it’s sometimes the same team once a week but often they’re mixed up, I meet at least one new person every day, so it’s hard to get to know everyone, some are very frequent, others just pop in now and then.
some are genuinely lovely people and some really aren’t. I wonder if strategically some of the nicer ones are working different days from the not so nice ones, also lots ask to be put on with their friends.
a recent change linked to my space there , where we lost the other room, has meant that the way they socialise with each other during the shift isn’t as easy now .
i think that’s also caused some bad feeling about me because im now in their space and their space has had to change to accommodate me.
its such a horrible feeling to be the new person in a room full of people who are calling me shit in earshot of me whilst I’m trying to talk and listen to customers, it’s not conducive to any sort of working and I can feel my confidence slipping and my mental health.
I don’t feel strong enough to speak out about it or anything constructive because I’m scared I’ll end up crying or something. I had to go to the toilet and cry and I could hear them still talking about me in the toilet and when I came out again.
It’s untenable but the job market is awful . 😞

OP posts:
Mangetoutmangetouti · 16/10/2025 20:32

oviraptor21 · 16/10/2025 19:56

How long have you been in the job OP?

Volunteers can be tricky. They know they hold all the cards and can be very set in their ways and resistant to change.

You said you have several teams. Would it be possible to properly trial your new ideas with one or two of the more receptive teams while treading water with saboteur's team? Keep records of how many clients you have seen and how much more productive you are on the trial days.

Continue liaising with your managers.
Don't be afraid of saboteur and spokesperson. Your managers seem to have their measure and know how challenging they are. Try to find out what their skills and enthusiasms are so you can harness them to benefit your organisation.

I’ve been trying to gauge people’s skillset and see if I can utilise that better and a skills audit was undertaken before I started but my boss doesn’t want to proceed with playing to people’s strengths because of not wanting anyone to get ideas above their station and wants all the volunteers to be on an equal footing.
i think it could work well if people who want to take on more can. I kind of get the reasoning behind it but it’s a shame because I can really see how my shifts are so much harder, more pressured and chaotic depending on who is the team that day

OP posts:
bumbaloo · 16/10/2025 20:41

Christ volunteers can be a fucking nightmare.

I lasted 4 years at a place and had to leave in the end because I could handle the petty, squabbling, nit picking, STUPID attitudes if so many of the volunteers. And the worst were always the loudest.

truth was everyone found them hard work but they’d been there so long they were apparently untouchable.

these sorts of volunteers act like it’s their own little fiefdom. They are stuck in their ways, limited in their capacity and massively overestimate their contribution. They would work slowly, spend too much time gossiping and made the whole place toxic.

there are so many who are busybodies with serious personality issues.