Too ill to prep for/attend interview

[OhFeckWhatNow]

Background: have only worked in crappy min wage type jobs, had a decade out of work due to poor MH/undiagnosed autism. Got degree in this time, graduated 4 years ago. Have worked since but only in basic jobs again as I figured then I could get references for better job.

Incredibly, a civil service job that I am v suited to came up, I have passed the online tests and initial pre recorded online interview. This job would be such a huge step up and a chance for me to finally have a career and work somewhere I can manage (not mad hours etc).

I'm also 6 weeks pregnant (first time, too old to consider alternatives). I am feeling so rough. So exhausted, sleeping 10 hrs a night (with weird nightmares) but so tired during the day I have to keep lying down between everything I do (eg. have breakfast, shower, need lie down). I feel constantly queasy, and mentally just so bleak. (Theoretically overjoyed at being pregnant but not feeling it at all atm).

I'm supposed to have an interview tomorrow but haven't been able to prepare due to tbe above. Kept thinking I'd feel better after a nap or a good night's sleep, but obviously haven't (I've never known exhaustion like this except with covid). Struggling to concentrate on anything and keep crying. Also almost constantly queasy.

Is there anything I can do? Would I be able to delay the interview? Because it involved doing a presentation so to be fair they only release the info you'll need 7 days before interview. So it would be unfair to give me more time.

I can't think straight and just feel so devastated because it felt like I finally had a chance at a decent job. Feel like I'm letting myself and everyone else down. I'm so worried but also feel like I just want everything to go away and sleep forever.

(Fwiw in case this strays into wider advice - I'm single.)

I don't have a midwife yet, couldn't get a booking in appointment for another 2 weeks.

I know about the risks. My past MH stuff wasn't random illness though, it was specifically trauma type stuff, stuff I worked through and healed from. So I thought that would lessen the risk. I'm finding it so odd that I feel so odd mentally - I'm normally (nowadays) someone who can feel quiet joy and peace just admiring a nice coloured leaf or something.

It's also weird because I have support around for being a single mum, for with a new baby, for late pregnancy when things are physically hard ... but I didn't realise this bit would be so hard.

I also could in theory talk to friends... but somehow it's like with this I'm having an experience no one else understands. Either they don't have kids or didn't have this experience.

I don't get it. I'm normally so independent. But I wish there was someone just ... around.

So you’re currently unemployed

OP… you say you’re telling people how mentally bleak you feel and they not grasping. Do they know you had a decade out of work due to you mental health issues?

Do you have a support worker?

Im glad you've recovered from your past trauma and prior to now been able to find joy in the little things. If its any comfort, literally everything you've been describing can be normal for 1st trimester, but it can be scary and a shock to women who are totally unprepared for it.
One of my friends described it as feeling spaced out or stoned and I agree. I just felt really odd. Spoiler alert: this feeling comes back in spades post partum.
I was a hormonal wreck through all 3 of my pregnancies, either raging with anger at nothing, weeping all kinds of sad/happy/any emotions at all tears.
Nausea, food aversions, vomiting, tired all the time.
It gets better in the 2nd trimester.
Sorry if ive gone off track from your initial post about work, but i vividly remember how scary and lonely my first trimester with my first was especially as I wasn't with DP at the time and it was lockdown.
My advice: you need people around you who GET it. Tbh, the lack of a partner isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's plenty who are totally unsympathetic to pregnancy. Have u got any mates in real life who have babies or small children who you can talk to? Even vague acquaintances? Once you tell people you are expecting try and surround yourself with people who have either been there or are going through it.
You can join a WhatsApp or FB group for people due in the same month as you, nice to speak to people who you are all in it together with. Look up your local baby groups- not necessarily expensive baby massage / baby sensory just your little church or town hall playgroup.
There's obviously always MN, just bear in mind it can be a bit brutal on here sometimes. I had to step away from it a few times when hormonal ha!
And yes, at your booking in appointment you can ask them to signpost you to mental health services for early support if you think you need it.

Sorry it my post was bit all over the place I was typing while feeding my baby, hope you are feeling better soon

Thanks, @Wavescrashingonthebeach .

Yes, I was prepared for feeling dreadful post birth. I just didn't realise this bit would feel like this! I actually have had an early miscarriage before, and didn't feel like this beforehand - although I'm now thinking that was because there weren't sufficient hormones rushing around my system.

I've planned to join various baby groups and things. Just seemed something for a few months in. Also only a few people know at this stage.

Be honest are you actually capable of doing the job you are applying for at this time as it doesn’t sound like you are.
Stay at the job you are at and apply again once you get through your pregnancy.

No... haven't had contact with mental health services for years. Last contact even vaguely to do with MH was autism diagnosis 8 years ago, and that was all done separately from MH services via GP referral.

I've just been getting on with living my life the past few years.

How would you work? If you are this sick?

Unfortunately the job I was at was something temp and seasonal, so has recently ended. Did it rather than be unemployed. (Been finding it difficult to find something I'm suited to.) More recently I'm also avoiding small employers because I don't want to cause problems needing mat leave.

I felt like this in pregnancy. Even if you can’t get a midwife appt yet, you can still book to see your GP and speak to them. Maybe ask about a thyroid test?

Good luck with the interview, whether you do it now or reschedule.

I struggled badly with first trimester prenatal depression, so I really feel for you. Hopefully you'll feel better in second trimester.

I would just do it. It's not too late to pull it out of the bag for tomorrow. Try to compartmentalise and just focus on the interview prep. Pep yourself up imagining how great you will be in the role and imagine doing the job. Use AI for research and ideas. Good luck!!

Rescheduling interviews isn't a good idea, it's an arse for the company but also it'll still be hanging over you. So just get it done! Having a secure regular job will help with your MH too, but yes good to get some support from your health worker/midwife team when you can get it.

Because they are not allowed to discriminate against someone who is pregnant?

I understand I’m being harsh but given your mental health shouldn’t you be prioritising you rather than continuing this pregnancy?

Op your first, second and third property needs to be addressing your mental health deterioration.

Speak to those who know and cared for you during the decade off due to very serious MH crisis.

Would you get paid mat leave if you got the job, is that from day 1? Only asking as in my company (private sector though) it’s two years for the ‘enhanced’ package ie anything above statutory.

6 weeks pregnant is very early still. Being a single mum is hard, being a single mum with no income will be harder. I'd seriously weigh up your options OP, it's not just about you.

No, they aren't but if OP discloses her pregnancy during the interview, they may find another reason not to give her the job and it would be difficult for OP to prove pregnancy discrimination.

No one really "knew and cared for me" during that time, and nor was it considered a "very serious MH crisis".

I repeatedly attempted to access some kind of psychotherapy via the NHS; this was blocked at every turn. Secondary services eventually asked my GP to stop referring me, and primary services said I was "too complex" and needed input from secondary services. I could write a book about what happened to me and how I was treated by MH services... I had tried to get help before, and was treated similarly and just did my best to keep going and make a life worth living, but couldn't really due to difficulties holding down employment for any length of time. Eventually I decided I was determined to sort out my MH before returning to work yet again - this is when I went back to services to ask for help and yet again got nowhere (and began the decade off work).

The only useful thing services did was set me up with a decent amount of disabilty benefits (applies on my behalf for things I didn't even know I'd be eligible for). This meant I could get my own flat (my first home I felt safe and comfortable in) and later, pay for private therapy and education. It took a long time and a lot of work to work through and heal from everything that had happened, unfortunately compounded by prior poor experiences of the MH system. This included reading up on trauma and recovery and the MH system from a more academic POV to get an idea of what had happened and to contextualise my experiences. The subject of autism kept popping up - I didn't think it could apply as I don't meet the typical (largely male!) profile but in the end asked for an assessment and was diagnosed by the NHS. Once I'd come to terms with that it was the final piece of the puzzle and I could make sense of my own needs and reactions, and manage things.

By the time I finished my degree, I was ready to go back to work - hugely scared and dented confidence so I eased myself in, starting part time. Had to take any old job as no work references by that point. (I had no help from services or DWP to do this.)

In terms of my MH I feel qualitatively different since before. A sort of peace, maybe? An ability to deal with things and not suddenly be launched into meltdown, terror, and suicidal feelings. It's hard to explain, I once described it as finally being washed up on dry land after years almost drowning, barely keeping my head above the surface.
It was like my life finally started, a decade or so behind everyone else in many respects.

The bleakness I describe is how I feel if I'm physically ill. Just flat and wanting to sleep. It is not the same as the suicidal despair and overwhelm I used to feel years ago.

So no one cared or looked out for you during the decade you were unable to work due to mental health issues?

And now no one is engaging with you on this despite you trying to tell them how bleak you feel?

OP, was this a planned pregnancy?

No, services wise I didn't have any input. At the start of that time I had access to the MH Crisis Team (I could phone them, but they were remarkably unhelpful in the main) but no ongoing care or allocated worker or any treatment. There was actually a point where I had a lightbulb moment that attempting to get help from them was making things worse - like repeatedly going back to an abuser for something they are never going to give you.

I was capable of looking after myself day to day - clean environment, healthy food and so on. I learnt to manage when overwhelmed and suicidal, just not able to hold down a job.

If you mean a partner or family acting as carers - no, I didn't have that. Except near the end when I had a lovely partner for a short while (an old friend; we remain good friends). (It did occur to me that if I'd had that level of love and support earlier it would have changed my life; it was a profoundly healing experience.)

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by no one "engaging" with me. What exactly are you thinking they should be doing? When I said I wished there was someone around I was feeling so much that I wished there was someone there to sort of look after me, cook my dinner or whatever. Like you feel when you're ill. I'm not usually like that. And it's not a reasonable thing to wish for unless you're in a partnership. Friends have offered kind words and encouragement that it's understandable I'm knackered but I can't demand they look after me! I know they are there. It's just very difficult to really explain or connect with someone unless they've been through a similar experience (or possibly love you deeply in a way that is exceptional).

And yes, pregnancy was very much planned. Something I had thought and planned for for years. It's just feeling so rough for this bit that has blindsided me - I thought at this stage I might be a bit sick but basically carrying on as normal.

Anyway. I am feeling less bleak today, and marginally less knackered and queasy. Just being kind to myself.

I have been in touch with recruitment and rearranged the interview (it's a recruitment campaign so there are alternative interview slots available). I just need to use the bits of the days that I'm more alert to get it together preparing.

There is a lot concerning Op
and I think for priority needs to be squarely on getting yourself in a strong a mental health position as you can.

Agree, there should be mh support available via your midwife, perhaps a gp appointment might speed it up, and this should be your priority short term. Hormones can aggravate underlying conditions. You say this pg was long planned but you are single, is the baby’s father in the background to coparent or support you and your baby?

It's a donor sperm situation. All done by the book via a clinic.

I'm finding this thread quite upsetting. I'm clearly struggling due to pregnancy hormones yet posters are making out I've got a deep seated MH issue (I've already explained I'm autistic, it's quite normal for this to cause problems before people realise they are, plus trauma that I recovered from) and implying I shouldn't be a mother. I had to be psychologically screened to be allowed to do this!

I'm not sure what "support" a midwife is expected to give, either.

I feel like I could actually just do with some kindness.

6 months?!? Where has this ever happened?