Any City lawyers here? Do I need to quit?

[BurningOutt]

I feel like I might be approaching burn out, but as a result am not really in a position to think straight.

Im 38, 11pqe and on partner “track” in litigation in a US firm - should have been due to be made up this year but apparently it will be next now due to vague firmwide politics. I’m heading for 2100 hours this year, have brought in my own client, am running cases for head of team with minimal supervision. Associates are heavily weighted towards junior end so im
also doing a lot of the work as well as management. I know that I am excellent at my job, a good lawyer and a good manager, and I enjoy it (when it’s not this intense).

But my kids are 5 and 7 and I feel like I’ve barely seen them this year. I feel like the last few years since dc1 started school in particular have flown by - my dc2 was a baby then and now she’s not.

My DH is a low earner and both of us come from working class backgrounds so even though I earn v well we have a small house, big mortgage. Up till this September when dc2 started school I was paying 40% of my takehome salary to the nanny so haven’t had a flush life at all.

I feel like just throwing in the towel and leaving London, finding a slower paced, lower paid job. But I worry that I will regret it as I’m so close to the “prize” now and the extra money could make a massive difference to my kids’ future.

I grew up in poverty so was massively motivated to do this job to avoid my kids having the childhood I had, but in hindsight I had so much more time with my mum and I wonder if that love and time investment is ultimately what helped me to thrive?

I’ve also always wanted 3 kids and my time there is obviously running out, and would probably be totally unsustainable on top of my job as it is right now (and do I just want the mat leave to have a break).

Should I just push through and things will get better, or give it up and start afresh?

@ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyour well said. I very much agree.

@Lionessadmirer Some great advice, applies to many who have a tendency to overwork for the benefit of others. I see this happening more with women than men who have a keenness to please and fix everything themselves, taking on far too much leading to burnout.

Thank you Silver.
It’s a hard-won lesson, and one I hope not to forget as my team grows

I’m a lawyer for an international firm in a regional office and also in litigation. I only have one child in nursery and work 4 days per week (although the workload is similar to 5 days). Its tough. Although my firm are flexible in that i can leave the office early for nursery pickups and wfh when i need to, i still log on every evening to catch up and sometimes weekends. I also feel like i am approaching burn out but don’t actually have the time to sit and process this. I have been back 6 months now since maternity leave and seriously considering in house roles! However nothing even comes close to the salary i am on now which is pretty decent even on 4 days per week. I would say make partner as you have come so close and then consider other options. Being a partner comes with its own demands though so it depends how much you are willing to sacrifice. The long hours in this profession are just not made for working mums.

@Yapyapyapping I was in your position 10+ years ago. I wish I’d gone in house at that time tbh. Instead I stayed on, had another child, and then burnt out. Ended up as a SAHM. Yes the law firm money was better but over the long term a job that’s sustainable will earn more than a higher paid job followed by burn out!

I’m not saying you should necessarily move jobs… A lot depends on how much your DH is doing at home, whether you intend to have another child, whether your child sleeps or has medical issues… Just making the point that a sustainable lower paid job is more valuable long term than an unsustainable higher paid job

This does make a lot of sense. I guess i’m just trying to stick it out for as long as i can. I do want another child so can’t see it getting any easier if i stay. How much harder was it for you after your second child and how long before you left to become a SAHM? My DH does his fair share and also works 5/6 days per week. However he runs his own business so slightly more flexible i.e. he can take time off when DC is unwell. I just hate the constant mum guilt too and weekends are a blur!

I resigned about a year after I came back from mat leave with DC2. I hadn’t even been ridiculously busy during that year (well ups and downs…litigation!) but DC1 had some tricky medical issues, neither child slept well and DH was barely around at all in the week (finance) so it was getting impossible.

I think the sleep was the worst thing - if I’d had good sleepers it might all have been more manageable! Having said that, once they hit school age the childcare becomes trickier (wraparound hours are not long enough or flexible enough for many law jobs, and holidays are difficult), and mum guilt ramps up as they want YOU more… and the admin multiplies too.

With hindsight I should’ve moved jobs rather than resigned to be SAHM but I was just so exhausted and had zero energy to gear myself up for new jobs. So guess that’s why I’m nudging you to consider making the move earlier!

Having said that, once they hit school age the childcare becomes trickier (wraparound hours are not long enough or flexible enough for many law jobs, and holidays are difficult), and mum guilt ramps up as they want YOU more… and the admin multiplies too

This x1,000,000!

With my DD whereas she could stay at nursery until 5pm no issues (as they just play and nap) now she’s in year 3 she needs to be picked up from school 3.30pm most days or she really doesn’t cope well. She gets SO tired. She stays at school until 4.30 doing clubs 2 days per week and thankfully her granny is able to pick her up and bring her home some of the 3.30 finish days

… and when she gets home there is homework and piles of admin!

@Yapyapyapping I was you maybe 5 years ago. I pushed through working full time, had the second baby, moved to a US firm where my hours are much worse than they were before, and now have 2 kids in school so have been juggling the childcare etc for years. Read my posts and take note - is it worth it??

As an update I had my proper appraisal and they went as far as they really can in guaranteeing me partnership next year. I’ve got 2 big cases coming to trial which is exciting/interesting but will be horrendous hours. I’ve started putting feelers out to a few recruiters but I think I am probably going to stay where I am, try to get pregnant and reassess this time next year. Probably a stupid strategy but I don’t think it makes sense to move when I still want to have another baby.

Have they recruited someone (say 8 years pqe) who can take on some of your workload? As that would make the most difference I suspect.

Sadly not and I agree. It’s a small team and I think they would struggle to recruit someone of that seniority as the progression opportunities are limited. We are adding more mid levels to the team though, which is the best I can do at the moment.

I think it’s a great strategy. To me it’s prioritising the balance of your emotional needs against your career move and you have some clarity on what you need and want in your life - and this is a significant positive emotional shift after a big loss and ongoing sacrifices.

I hope that you can intentionally do the upmost to bolster your physical health and mental well-being throughout - is everyone pulling their weight in the family, have you invested in enough outsourcing cleaner’s babysitting etc so that the time you have with your DH and DC is quality - and I don’t mean extravagant holidays or expensive days out - I mean simple bonding time with a refreshed and attuned Mum and wife.

What are your plans for Christmas - do you have time off or are you working til the bitter end and hosting 20 for Christmas Day?