Work demanding OH gives up holidays to go work -

[Donury236]

I am looking for advise on a situation. I am going to try and give some back story as It might be relevant.

OH works in job that requires AHDOC offshore - it is not scheduled as such. In the last 13 years I have been very very lenient in that if he gets called at 5pm to say offshore the next day I am fine with it. He has made this company a lot of profit, and currently he is the only on there that can do this job. He has been away doing this job solo on numerous occasions - it is and should be a 2 man job! They do sort of have someone now - however he is more of an 'office' guy...if you get my drift.

In July he was away for 1 month when it was meant to be 2 in order to get work approvals etc. Then the next trip we had something booked months before that he missed (first time that we had planned to go somewhere as a family since 2019).

Fine, he was getting paid so no biggy. When the client rep found out that he had misssed his holiday they literalyl said to him that they would never expect someone to miss a pre-arranged holiday.
They have then done 1 other trip away - this last trip the other guy did SFA manual labour and my partner spent 16hrs in the worksite in UAE heat without a break for food (he loo and liquid breaks). He then also got 4-5 hrs sleep before he had to get up and pack all the kit up as again, the other guys did SFA.

This is an ongoing contract...has a schedule etc. Well, as is usual in the OG industry, the clients schedule slipped, so when he was required changed. He wasn't well so the other guy went out last week. The other guy is NOT happy being out there alone - mainly as it would mean he has to work, and also it shows that he has done sod all to help the last few trips and thus cannot do the task. The only other employee cannot go as females are not permitted to work in this worksite in this country - and they have also never been offshore to actually physically do the job, so no real hands on experience.

They want him out there NOW.

However, He has something booked with our eldest and their friend on Friday. Something that to attend would mean going to the USA (or OZ next year) if they miss this one. He has the day booked as a holiday before they said they needed him and it was approved.
Also, his dad is over from OZ. He comes back to the UK/EU for like 4-5 months every other year. We as a family cannot afford to go over there (and I cannot fly that far due to medical issues).
We are meeting them as they are here for a wedding this weekend. He has not seen his dad in over a year.

He has said to them that he can go on Sunday or Monday, but NOT this week.

He has a day off today and is spending it with out kids in town. 2 people from his work asked to meet him for coffee to discuss the situation - in which they were pointing out how much money the company would lose if he doesn't go (I mean ok he loses day rate, but they lose 92% more as he only gets 8% of what they charge the client). He has told them he needs to speak to me....I have final say.

What I have said is they can have him next Monday or they can have him in November when he is signed fit to work as he actually now has anxiety over this as they keep trying to get him to change his holidays, they say they will compensate him for what he misses - completely missing the fact you cannot reimburse time with your children which is what he wants. He is terrified of letting our eldest down.
He has been in tears every day for the last week and I have been up at night with him whilst he is restless. So this is affecting me as well as him. But also not to mention that his father actually has a genetic heart condition that can be made worse by stress apparently - so he is also freaking out that freaking out is going to make him really really ill.

I have been very forgiving for the last 13 years, but now that's the eldest in S5 and the youngest in S1, he has had an epiphany and realizes that time with them is limited.

My thinking is that what can they do if he says no?

Fire him - no as none of them can do the job!
Discipline him - no as he has proof that its affecting his health.

This is also after his boss has been trying the softly softly approach saying he appreciate him, they do value him (aye, but don't pay him market wages for his position!).

Am I being unreasonable expecting them to honour his holidays and just wait 6 or 7 days??

I mean, its not HIS fault that the other guy refused to learn how to do the job.

I would look for another job . You can make money but you can’t get this time back with his kids . This may ruin his relationship with them if he keeps letting them down to work . No job is worth that !!!

I do agree, but TBH without him there will be no company - which is why they are putting all this pressure on him - so keeping good relationship is not something he is caring about any more.

Right now, I do admit that we cannot rock the boat financially as we need to remortgage.

An employer can technically cancel pre-approved annual leave under some circumstances, so they are probably legally in the clear, but I suppose your response depends on how much he needs the job.

No job would be worth this for me personally, but if you need the job then to an extent you’re stuck.

He needs much stricter boundaries - if he's in town with his DC, why is he meeting up with people from work?
He's said no already, why are they putting pressure on him? He sounds in a bad way, can you afford for him to get signed off with stress? Or is he already signed off- not clear from your post. If he is in fact already signed off and won't be fit to work until November, as you seem to suggest, he shouldn't be considering go in, and they shouldn't allow him in if he's not fit for work.
But it's up to him to say no, to not answer the phone when he's on leave, and to be firm about what he will and will not do.

Nope - he flies out Monday or he looks for a new job.

Technically they cancel leave giving 2x the duration of leave as notice, so 2 days for a one off. If it no longer works for him or family life to plan this way he needs to find something else.

If he leaves and the company folds he really has them over a barrel. Perhaps he needs to have a frank discussion and point out a few home truths? Then start looking for a normal job.

Legally, they are within their rights to cancel his leave. They have to give the same amount of notice as the leave they want to cancel, plus one day.

If he doesn't want this unpredictability, he might need to look for a new job.

Is he employed or on a day rate ? If the latter then he's free to accept or turn down the work.
I think you've been more than reasonable with your proposal so I'd just leave it at that and tell DH not to meet them furthermore

Employed - gets a day rate on top for going away.

He has to compose and email to them as he said to them he would get back to them, so he wants me to put something together and see what they say. He's taking back the leave he had in for today as he has been bothered by work constantly whilst out with our kids.

Look for another job. All the practical people in OG are retiring so it's pretty straightforward. Better yet, set up a a contractor, charge the old company 3x his current fee and be v strict with availability, plus a last minute double time rate

Its been fine till now. He though the wasn't being unreasonable saying no after 13 years of saying yes constantly.

He is looking for a new job - but not ideal when we have to remortgage so was waiting till after that and after this contract the company won was done.

“When the client rep found out that he had missed his holiday they literally said to him that they would never expect someone to miss a pre-arranged holiday.”

Can’t you quote this back to them? I’d be saying: I have family commitments including a family wedding, so I will be coming Monday. The end.

And when his employer confirms that legally, they are in the right, and OP’s family need this income, what then? “The end” is all well and good when you can afford to take the gamble, OP can’t.

I would also be telling them the other person needs to be pulling up his socks . If they want him out there then the other guy is out there working too or the job doesn’t get done . They want him to do this so badly so he sets out what he wants from them and he sticks to it . If the other person isn’t working , then he downs his tools til they are . Only put in what they are willing to put in aswell . He needs to tell them he’s sick of doing the work of 2/3 people and they get paid for doing nothing . He needs to stop being a pushover coz your mortgage also won’t get paid if he’s on the floor with his mental health or worse ….

If you have worked for a small company with no spare resources this is quite common. I could get called away any time when I was in that situation and saying no really wasn't an option if you wanted the company to survive. And you do feel a responsibility to the company and the other employees, it's not as simple as just saying no and let things fall where they may. Could they send the other guy and your partner be available on the phone to give instructions (and shout a bit!), if the other guy is really useless is there anyone else that could go with him who can follow instructions put pressure on and keep things going?

Is he signed off sick? If he is then legally he can’t go unless the gp signs him as fit or until the fit note runs out. It breaches contract and risks his sick pay etc.

Whilst you may think he’s holding all the cards he’s replaceable. However sounds like he needs the job right now. I would hold that he can’t go until after hes seen Oasis or whatever and see what they come back with.

He’s an employee and they can change leave and ask that he fulfills his duties as contracted. As someone else said he’d be better off becoming a contractor.

If that's the case, then they cannot afford to lose him, and they know it. He has the Ace card here, and he needs to use it.

Oh the other guy is out there already, and he is scared S%$tless as he doesn't fully know what to do. He did manage to assist the crew to complete one task by use of another tool they have (though if they use that one the company makes less ££).

They have in the contract the requirement for 2 engineers - but when it is the 2 of them he expects my partner to do the majority.

Part of me really wishes that he had collapsed last time and had to be medevac'd off. He nearly collapsed twice but the client wanted the job done asap (also mixed messages from various people involved in this campaign, and of course UK working time laws etc don't apply)

And whilst he does feel a responsibility, it is depleting as rather than hire someone with a technical skill set they hired yet another desk based position! The guy who goes off with him is an engineering manager, not and actual technical engineer.

His dad sent us a month worth of wages last night and told him he should go tell his boss to go f himself....

If hes the only one that can do the job, then he should tell them that he was promised what happened before, wouldn't happen again. That he is seriously considering his options if they cannot show him the flexibility and loyalty he has shown them. That he has family responsibilities and they need to find another solution because he isnt available

Nope, he stopped short of asking for that. He was in at the docs on the 10th and had a full on freak out/panic attack and had to get out of there. If he had that whilst actually in the appointment he probably would have been signed off.

As as aside to this - I want him to ask to get checked out as he's having sudden feelings of anxiety and dread to the point he cannot sleep as he is afraid he won't wake up. I actually think it might be linked to this heart issue his dad has.
I also do not think he would be able to get on a plane, and stay on a plane for 8+ hours. We drove to the shops yesterday and 20 mins in the car, he was restless the whole way and he near burst out of it after I stopped.

He does have an email from his boss stating something like this.

I think as well what really angers him is that every year he is having like 40 days leave balance as he is not getting to take his full 28 days - so he carries them over (he was told before he couldn't but then also that they couldn't afford him to be off), but his boss (company owner) probably spends about 1/4 of the year swanning about in the Scottish mountains, often giving a few days notice and often going at critical times when he is needed to sort tenders.

He has made them a few million in his time with them - more than any other employee.

I guess we are both naive as we believe that loyalty accounted for something.

He sound really unwell and not ''fit'' at all to do the sort of job it seems to be. Instead of worrying about his job/colleague/ holiday/child contact/mortgage I think (and I am not a doctor) you should really be worried about his health and ensure he has thorough checks - heart, breathing, mental etc as you even said you thought he could not manage an 8 hr. flight - to site presumably??
So seems he is really unwell. Some of these O+G sites can be dangerous anyway? Get him back at doctor's again asap - go with him.

Can he do this job self employed?

I hope he gets paid really well for this, as the stress and lack of work life balance sounds horrendous.

My husband works away on a ship for six weeks at a time so I totally get it. Unfortunately for me, when they say jump my husband says how high. Same situation, his back to back does sweet FA and it always seems that it’s only him who has to cut leave short or extend his trip.

i would check his contract. My husbands states he has to be lenient so many days whether that’s going back early or coming home late or in most cases both. But ultimately this will continue if he doesn’t stand his ground and say they need more staff and show them how many days he won’t be able to take back. It’s awful and I totally feel for you. Hope yous get sorted x