Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

About to resign through stress

48 replies

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 07:16

Really need some advice as I can’t think straight through stress and exhaustion.

Last year I got divorced after a very traumatic 5 years and quickly realised my part time retail job wasn’t going to pay the bills. I managed to get a full time admin job with our local council. Low pay but good perks.

I knew I should really ditch the retail job but for lots of reasons something in me told me to cling on.

18 months later and I am on the brink of going off with stress for the 2nd time from the council job. The role was originally covered by 3 people but it was amalgamated and it’s now just me.

I am on the brink of resigning as cannot continue under this level of stress. I have voiced my concerns to my manager several times but nothing changes. There’s a culture of blame and negativity. Support is woefully lacking.

I literally have had enough and can’t cope with much more. I am also mindful I have been there less than 2 years so don’t have any rights.

Thinking about options I could leave and do overtime in my retail job whilst I looked around.

Is this madness? I’m mid 50s and there are obvious perks to working for a council but at what cost? I own my own home and don’t have a mortgage.

I have been looking to try and move to a new role internally but there is nothing and I can’t continue like this.
i spoke to the EAP yesterday but not approached HR as yet.

OP posts:
Buttcraic · 12/09/2025 07:23

Not worth it to me - leave, focus on retail. There must be roles in retail that could equal the earnings from council admin? You could be running aldi in a few years.

Caralarms · 12/09/2025 07:28

Just bear in mind the pension in your council job may be far better than the retail position. At your age you really should be considering this.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 12/09/2025 07:30

Stress like that is corrosive, and it can be very difficult to come back from.

Personally, i’d go back to retail.
All the best, @sunnyday2025

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 07:37

you don’t tell us whether you’ll be able to afford to resign op? If not, and you do resign anyway, that will cause you a lot of stress

cheesycheesy · 12/09/2025 07:39

It depends how much you need the money. Even with experience it’s so hard to get retail jobs at the moment. I’d hold on until you find a retail job.

cheesycheesy · 12/09/2025 07:39

If you need the money that is

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 07:41

Any children or teens living with you op?

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 12/09/2025 07:46

The public sector is notorious for simply overloading people with work and in my experience nothing will change until you stop attempting to get it all done. I was thinking of leaving a job for the same reason and realised I had nothing to lose by attempting to put down some boundaries. I let my boss and others know what I could and couldn’t do or gave them choices about what got done. No big showdown just gently as more work was handed down just assessed what it was realistic for me to do. I was still professional, proactive and hard working. It was uncomfortable but my life is so much better for it!

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 07:50

Thank you. Yes there are the perks to consider. I do have a previous final salary in the wings but that will only be about £10k pa if I take it at 60.

No mortgage though and no dependent DC

OP posts:
Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 07:55

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 07:50

Thank you. Yes there are the perks to consider. I do have a previous final salary in the wings but that will only be about £10k pa if I take it at 60.

No mortgage though and no dependent DC

How old are your dc?

what kind of a retirement do you want for yourself? Lots is travel etc?

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 07:56

i don’t want to leave, this job represented financial security post divorce even if I was only there for about 10 years.

The whole set up is so chaotic, hugely under resourced and I’m just plate spinning between 3 teams. All have their own priorities and no consideration for my workload. Add in systems and processes that belong in the dark ages I am drowning.

OP posts:
BadgernTheGarden · 12/09/2025 07:59

Just don't try and do everything, if the job needs three people. Do what is sensibly physically possible and just leave the rest, not your problem. Why give up your hopefully safe good job for a risky presumably less well paid retail. Give yourself permission to just not try to do everything if it's causing so much stress.

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:01

DC are 21 and 18
I have simple tastes, used to cutting cloth to suit as my late DM would say!
if I was careful and worked for as long as I could in my retail job I’m thinking it may work out.

To be honest I can’t really think straight at the moment as I’m feeling so overwhelmed

OP posts:
Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:01

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 07:56

i don’t want to leave, this job represented financial security post divorce even if I was only there for about 10 years.

The whole set up is so chaotic, hugely under resourced and I’m just plate spinning between 3 teams. All have their own priorities and no consideration for my workload. Add in systems and processes that belong in the dark ages I am drowning.

Ok so you’re going to have put your big girl pants on, asked for a meeting not just with useless manager but HR too and calmly and factually example the situation and how you need more support asap

Firefly100 · 12/09/2025 08:02

Given you are considering resigning anyway I would push back on the workload at work. Stick to your hours and then raise with your manager that there is too much to do in the time available and suggest a priority and if possible a way forward for what can’t get done - or if you can’t find one, ask your manager what their direction is for the excess work. Document the
discussion so when the brown matter hits the fan you have back up (an email starting ‘to confirm our discussion earlier…). Try not to stress over it but look at it as a learning experience for dealing with overload. If you fail, you can resign as planned so nothing lost. That is what I would do.

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:02

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:01

DC are 21 and 18
I have simple tastes, used to cutting cloth to suit as my late DM would say!
if I was careful and worked for as long as I could in my retail job I’m thinking it may work out.

To be honest I can’t really think straight at the moment as I’m feeling so overwhelmed

And no uni on the horizon? Do they contribute financially?

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:04

i think I need to go to HR to raise how I’m feeling before it does break me.
One of the managers in particular has been less than supportive and seems to think I should be able to cope witH the workload and more!

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:05

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:02

And no uni on the horizon? Do they contribute financially?

Show quote history

One at uni, works during holidays.
The other doing A levels and undecided about uni

OP posts:
Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:08

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:05

One at uni, works during holidays.
The other doing A levels and undecided about uni

Show quote history

i definitely describe at least your youngest then as pretty dependent!

And neither bringing in any money but you presumably pay for food and… well teens are expensive! So you definitely have dependents op

ShortAndIntense · 12/09/2025 08:08

What about looking for a job elsewhere in the civil service/public sector?

AnneElliott · 12/09/2025 08:11

Firefly100 · 12/09/2025 08:02

Given you are considering resigning anyway I would push back on the workload at work. Stick to your hours and then raise with your manager that there is too much to do in the time available and suggest a priority and if possible a way forward for what can’t get done - or if you can’t find one, ask your manager what their direction is for the excess work. Document the
discussion so when the brown matter hits the fan you have back up (an email starting ‘to confirm our discussion earlier…). Try not to stress over it but look at it as a learning experience for dealing with overload. If you fail, you can resign as planned so nothing lost. That is what I would do.

Yes I agree with this. The good thing about the public sector is that they rarely fire anyone (even if they are awful which of course isn’t you op). So you have nothing to lose by putting in boundaries - definitely say when there’s too much and ask in an email what your line manager wants you to prioritise - and then leave the rest for the next day.

almostoveritnow · 12/09/2025 08:16

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:04

i think I need to go to HR to raise how I’m feeling before it does break me.
One of the managers in particular has been less than supportive and seems to think I should be able to cope witH the workload and more!

Good plan. Be very clear about what issues are, keep it tightly focused and try not to get emotional. And yes, write a follow up email (bcc to your personal email) about what was discussed.

Dont leave without a job to go to, if you can.

Good luck.

Original poster
sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:24

Thank you. I currently also have a lot going on personally which is probably impacting my ability to think clearly

OP posts:
BluntPlumHam · 12/09/2025 08:26

You are 50, you have so much life ahead of you and it’s not worth burning out in a job that is making you so unhappy. With mortgage paid off I’d go do something less stressful and keep looking for other roles in the meantime.

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:28

sunnyday2025 · 12/09/2025 08:24

Thank you. I currently also have a lot going on personally which is probably impacting my ability to think clearly

If it’s involving a man Op, put all thoughts aside and focus on you, your kids and your job situation!!