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Original poster

Feeling shit about handing in notice

35 replies

poppetandmog · 30/05/2025 13:11

I’ve just been offered a new job and need to hand my notice in on Monday. I wasn’t actively looking - I quite like my current job and am well respected there - but I happened to see my absolute dream role advertised when someone shared it on LinkedIn and I couldn’t not apply. I never expected to actually get it and am still in shock. It’s for an amazing organisation with a lot more responsibility/influence and a huge pay rise.

The reason I feel so shit about it is that I’m only back at work a few weeks ago after 2 months of sick leave. I had a big operation (major abdominal surgery) and work have been great about it, letting me take as much time as I need and phase back to full time. I know me leaving will be a huge shock to them and the timing is crap. It’s also quite a specialist role that will be hard to fill. This is such an amazing opportunity, I can’t turn it down, but I feel so awful about doing this to my current employer. They will also think I was looking while on sick leave (not the case at all, but timing looks dodgy.) Any words of wisdom much appreciated.

OP posts:
susiedaisy1912 · 30/05/2025 13:12

You’re doing nothing wrong. Hand your notice in and have an exit chat with your boss and explain how you feel.

Fitzcarraldo353 · 30/05/2025 13:16

It's tough but you have to prioritise you. As lovely as they've been recently they wouldn't hesitate to make you redundant if needed. People move on. I handed my notice in today to a job I've only been in for 5 weeks (6 month FTC) because I got offered a permanent role elsewhere. I feel bad because I was really grateful for the work and they really needed me but they were lovely about it and totally understood.

whitewineandsun · 30/05/2025 13:17

It is what it is. Why should you feel bad? It's a job, and they wouldn't care if it was the other way around. I'm sure a man wouldn't give this a second thought either.

If you want to explain anything, you can do so at the exit interview.

VoltaireMittyDream · 30/05/2025 13:21

You sold them your labour, and are withdrawing it under the terms of your contract. They didn’t give you sick leave as a personal favour, but in accordance with their own HR policies. It sounds like you’re a valued employee in good standing, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You can just explain to them what you’ve said here - you have enjoyed your time there and appreciate everything they’ve done to support you but this was an opportunity you would be mad not to pursue.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Titasaducksarse · 30/05/2025 13:29

As a friend said when I was in same position, you're leaving due to a pull not a push.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 30/05/2025 13:30

Don’t feel guilty. If it suited them, they’d ger
rid of you in the drop of a hat.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 30/05/2025 13:35

As a manager I'm always happy for my staff if they get a better job, I hope we've helped them develop in order to get it. I'm gutted to lose them but really proud and pleased for them.
It's the right thing for you, please don't fret about hanging in your notice.
If someone doesn't handle it right when you first hand it in and they are someone you like and respect then try to assume it's the shock and they'll remember themselves soon.

YourFairCyanReader · 30/05/2025 13:38

Are you working your notice period? If it's quite short, can you offer to work longer for a decent handover with someone,negotiate a later start date with new employer? If they're not expecting at all that you'd leave, they may not have any contingency plan and you would feel worse leaving them in the lurch

Norma27 · 30/05/2025 14:57

I was once off sick 2 months after a late miscarriage. Work were really good with me when off. There was a restructure happening though. I went back for one month and then resigned to do something different.
As said above, companies will have no qualms about making you redundant if necessary. You need to do what is best for you.
Good luck!

BeenzManeenz · 31/05/2025 11:11

Work giving you time off for sickness or surgery is really the bare minimum we should expect from our employers (yes, I do realise it isn't the case for everyone but that in itself is a problem). They sound nice but ultimately you don't owe them your never ending loyalty.

Let's be real, if you died they would have you replaced quickly. Because it's a job, it isn't your family.

Go, enjoy having got your dream job! Leave in the most respectful way and keep in touch. But that's it. You've nothing to feel guilty about.

BountifulPantry · 31/05/2025 11:36

OP if you died they would advertise your job within 24 hours.

However well respected you are, you’re only ever a bum on a seat to a company- even if you’re CEO.

If they didn’t need you any more they would make you redundant with 0 guilt.

You owe them nothing.

Lifeisapeach · 31/05/2025 11:37

Congrats on your new job! The only thing I would say, be prepared for a counter offer by your current place. Sounds like you are well liked and they may counter. Know how you want to deal with that if they do. Good luck

Backfromhols · 31/05/2025 11:41

Take the new job and leave your current firm on good terms. Ultimately however valued you feel, nobody is indispensable, they will get over it.

DontReplyIWillLie · 31/05/2025 12:03

Do what you can to be of practical help. Make your handover document as clear and comprehensive as possible. Offer to sit in on interviews for a replacement if they’d like it.

EATmum · 31/05/2025 12:22

Congratulations! That sounds like something you should feel really positive about, and celebrate.

One thing you could offer your current employer is to come back for a day of handover later, if they can’t fill your role quickly/before you leave. It’s a small thing, but would show them that you care about leaving well.

Cucy · 31/05/2025 12:25

I am in a similar position (I’ve not taken any time off sick but they fought hard for me to have a role there) but the new job I have been offered is much closer to home and I’ll have a way better work/life balance.

So I am going to use this as the main reason and say that I wouldn’t leave in normal circumstances but I have to put my family first and think of the work/life balance.

Could you say anything similar?
Was your health impacted in any way and the surgery made you realise you need a job that’s less active/closer to home etc.

Its very difficult leaving a job where you are liked so much and you of course don’t want them to take it personally, especially when they have been so supportive.

olympicsrock · 31/05/2025 13:28

That’s tough. Fine to leave but do everything you can to make it easy for your employer. Long notice period. Great handover etc

It is a shame to leave a really good employer

Bringbackspring · 31/05/2025 13:40

Put yourself first. Kindly, everyone is replaceable at work. If they are a good employer they will simply wish you well in your new job and start planning for a smoothe handover. If they dont, you know you'll be well rid of them. Having just been through a very similar situation (aside from the sick leave part) where I was happy, quite senior and respected in my job, not actually job hunting but just applied for a great looking job from LinkedIn on a whim, that I was equally shocked to get, I can assure you everything will be absolutely fine.

Middlechild3 · 31/05/2025 14:10

They would show you no loyalty if they needed to reduce headcount and your role was hit. You exchange your time and skills for money. Leave professionally and politely but don't feel bad about it.

turkeyboots · 31/05/2025 14:13

Just be a good leaver. Massive handover notes, all processes documented, ensuring someone has passwords to any system and ideally teach them to cover you. They'll remember you fondly for not dumping them in the shit.

Viviennemary · 31/05/2025 14:14

You've had a major operation and were entitled to sick leave. You have to do what's in your best interests.

BaileyHorse · 31/05/2025 14:24

Just be honest and tell them what you’ve said here. A good employer (which they are from what you’ve said) will be understanding of your reasons and it’s def best to leave on a positive/friendly note if you can. Good luck x

DazedAndConfused321 · 31/05/2025 14:52

You are just a cog in a machine, you'll be replaced as quickly as you leave and the world will go on! Best of luck with your new role!

LlynTegid · 31/05/2025 14:55

Congratulations on your new job. Don't feel bad, just serve your notice with dignity and being as helpful as possible.

Loopytiles · 31/05/2025 14:58

Have you received the formal offer / key contract details /notice that the references and the organisation’s other pre employment checks are completed? If not I’d not give notice just yet.

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