I've upset a colleague

[Amoneyone]

And I feel dreadful about it. I need some advice on how to deal with it.

There isn't much of a backstory really - me and the person I have upset have been working under the same line manager for the past 18 months on a project with a couple of other teams. I felt we have got along.

Our line manager left a couple of weeks ago and they haven't been replaced. We are a bit rudderless as the line manager divvied up tasks, led meetings and did the general project management etc. and now we are winging it. Sod's Law also means the project is it a critical point and we have a massive deadline at the end of the month.

I am older than colleague but we are the same grade. Not sure if that means I am seen as more senior but the other teams have been coming to me/ asking me questions / pushing work onto me and tbh I am under a lot of pressure. I suspect it is also because I am a "doer" but colleague generally sits back. I suck at saying no.

I work part time (I finish at 3pm) and I have a funeral on Monday (leaving tonight for the weekend to stay with family pre funeral) so not back until Tuesday. At 2.30 I was asked to deal with something urgent. Colleague had taken a late lunch so I started working on it, sent them a teams message saying I was doing what I could on it but could they please pick it up. I worked until I had to leave to get my DC from school then emailed the other team with what I had done and said I had asked X to deal with it because I am away until Tuesday.

I got back from the school run and quickly checked my messages because I wanted to make sure colleague was ok with what I had done so far.

There was just an email saying that I should never delegate work to them on an email with other teams and that we are peers (their emphasis). That I should have waited for them to agree to pick it up first.

My initial reaction is that this is a massive overreaction but now I am questioning everything, scoured our teams chat in case I have had a habit of doing it (unintentionally, I thought we were a team). I don't think I do.
I am so upset that they clearly think I am trying to usurp them or undermine them.
i started typing a response but decided to leave it for now.

I think I will call them on Tuesday instead (we work in different offices) do you think that is the right way to go?

Agree with this. Such a non issue and I think its a bit precious imo.

I also wouldn't give it another thought over the weekend.

It's a storm in a teacup.3

This would be a non issue in my work place too. Infact we do similar all the time without it being an problem.
He is the one at fault.
Maybe now would be a good time to meet and share out any extra work equally so you're not doing the lions share all the time. If you both have input into the meeting youre not delegating.
Maybe in future if you have to leave early just say no and direct the person asking to check with your colleague to see if he can do it.

Completely agree, I would probably send an email saying just this.

Forget about it, I’m sure it will all have blown over by the time you go into work next week, give an apology and leave it at that

I don’t think you have anything to apologise for. Sounds like you’re carrying him. He’s sitting back and you’re cracking on. He doesn’t like being asked to actually do some work. He knows you're off to a funeral and he sends this pathetic whiny email? Twat! And he’s a keyboard warrior, too. A professional person would wait to talk in person or at least when you're back next week.

Don’t apologise.

I’m very surprised that you’ve never had negative feedback. Having people dislike you at work is normal. If not, it probably suggests that you are trying hard to please others or prove yourself.

I think you are overreacting OP - a bit of conflict is not a huge deal. It happens.

Personally I would just reply saying, sure, I’ll loop you in on the discussion next time, but for now just let X know if you aren’t able to pick it up.

It didn’t need an apology, just an acknowledgement that they’d prefer a different mode of handling it.

Do not go over apologising, I suspect they’ll twig you aren’t good at standing up for yourself and will start taking advantage of you

I don’t think she overreacted, her colleague was!

I often copy in colleagues when there’s an issue that needs to be dealt with and I’m unable to assist (junior, my level, my boss, head of office, head of region - whoever can resolve the issue or provide the information to meet the client deadline). It’s called being assertive. If it’s an issue for her colleague due to deadlines I am sure he is a big boy and can set out his reasons directly for not being able to assist and then they would know that it will need to wait until OP returned on Tuesday to get turned around. I’m sure if the deadline cannot be moved then her colleagues boss’ boss who is next in line given the vacancy could reorganise colleagues workload to ensure the deadline is met. That said, even my grads are more switched on to managing their workloads to meet deadlines and I very much suspect this colleague is just being difficult and took offence to something that wasn’t meant to be offensive!

However - how do I broach on Tuesday? I don't feel I can now suggest a daily catch up/ shared to do list as he will just think I am trying to lead it again (I am really not, I have stuck at this grade for a reason!).

By phone as you can adjust your discussion by his tone of voice and language (and there is no written evidence of an ongoing spat🤷‍♀️)

Say sorry and explain you were a little stressed due to your personal circumstance but appreciate that he finished the task as you ran out of time.
And say thanks for the delivery as if you had been "thinking straight" you would have told the requester to contact him directly as you were going OOO and not got involved as he is well able to deliver it.

Thats to soothe his ego and accept that your language was a little forceful😀 and you have to continue to work with him longterm.

Then ask him how he wants to handle something like this if it happens again because you/he cant kick it back to the nonexistant manager

And let him come up with a solution or options first.

Highlight that you been contacted directly and did he want to send/you send a joint email reminding everyone to add both names in the TO: section when sending work requests

Going forward have some stock email phrases for the requests eg
We have received X its under review and we will deliver a time line hh/dd

And look at prior emails and how you messaged him and try swap out to passive language requests to him

ZZ has requested X by hh:mm dd
I have confirmed I am unable to deliver until ...
Let them know if you can schedule it / can assist ....
If not we can discuss later/

You've done nothing wrong. You progressed the work then handed it over, completely fair. He's a nob for being shitty about it, especially when you're off for a funeral. But we are all human and can feel put upon and send emails in the peak of our feelings.

Don't stew on it.

Perfect time for a non apology.

“Apologies Completely my fault, I should have realized that you wouldn’t be able to (or competent to) take this forward. I’ll explain the issue to the 3 teams on Tuesday, when I get back after funeral.”

Your colleague sounds like a petty arsehole. He is obviously aware that you both have no line manager currently and it’s all hands on deck? I would ignore and I wouldn’t apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong. He will get over it.

I think the issue here is that you copied other into the email that your peer took to be tje delegation email.

I would call them and say tou didn't mean it to come across that way but you were rushing, you respect them as a colleague and will be more mindful in future

I actually don't think you delegated at all but passed something to a team member that you couldn't finish. I think he has totally over reacted. You perhaps could have asked him. I don't think you have anything to apologise for.

This is a massive overreaction. This is commonplace in teams i've worked in and it reads like your email said you'd ASKED your colleague to pick it up. If they couldn't then they can respond themselves.

Sounds like you hit a nerve and maybe they're upset at everyone approaching you. I would email back asking to catch up on Tuesday.

Put it to the back of your mind and focus on your family. You did nothing wrong.

Also work in the CS and think what you did was absolutely fine. If I were your colleague I would hear that it was urgent, needed to be done, so your started it and then handed it over to me to finish. If your colleague couldn't finish it or needed to negotiate the deadline they could do that.

In convo with colleague you could ask how they'd prefer you managed this next time.

Hope the funeral goes well and you can put this out of your mind.

"I suspect it is also because I am a "doer" but colleague generally sits back. I suck at saying no."

OP needs to work on learning to say no when she needs to push back. She shouldn't have accepted and started the work knowing she had to leave early and wouldn't be able to finish it without agreeing with the colleague to complete it, or allowing the person who asked for the work to find someone else.

Accepting work from someone else and then sending me a random email at 3pm that you've left for the next few days and I should finish it will piss me off, it's not like I have nothing to do and I'm sitting there waiting for OP to send me work to do.

Having said that whilst I would probably speak to OP about it when she returned rather than send the email he did, unless it's something she has done multiple times and she's ignored me speaking to her about it.

@Amoneyone I think you're right to speak to him on Tuesday rather than respond via email. Just tell him you didn't mean any harm, you started the work and had to leave etc and we're not delegating to him and next time ensure everyone is on the same page. Keep it brief and simple and move on.

This colleague sounds like an almighty pain in the arse, OP. It's not you, it's them. You very kindly started the job as it was urgent and passed it on to them to complete. As peers this is fine and it's called teamwork. Colleague sounds like they're best avoided and it also sounds as though they have a hope of being in charge so want to exert some authority over you. Don't beat yourself up and have a nice weekend. On Monday ask what the over reaction was all about.

As this is Civil Service I agree you did the right thing. All you did was communicate to your colleague and the other team what you had done and he was the contact in your absence. A perfectly notmal
”handed over”.

There is a difference between delegating and handing over a partially completed task when going on leave.

On Tuesday I would state the task had been given at the last minute and you did what you could and then handed it over to him. What would he have done?

Be clear you “handed over” had you “delegated” then you would have given him full responsibility for the task and not done any work on it. This was good team work where there is no manager to deliver a task.

I would not respond, but I would talk to my current line manager and raises that I was upset by the response and felt unsupported by my colleague when I had to leave For a funeral. Ask how should I deal with requests in similar situation in interim and also mention that colleague is not team player to new line manager and give as example. Insurance in case he complains about you.

My colleague and I do this all the time and never take offence. We work together and pass on jobs if we need too

I believe you she probably will too. Just reply, So sorry, I should have simply said no. Please let’s discuss next week . I’m missing having a manager in place to divvy these things up.’

First thread nailed it.

please don’t put anyone’s contact details on your out of office without checking in with them. You have no idea of their schedule and should not commit to another team to do something which you have no way of completing. Infact you know you won’t complete and do not know your colleagues capacity.

As someone whose entire working life deals with finding the right resources to get something done, there is honestly nothing worse than someone accepting a task, with a timeline which they already know they cannot be sure they will be able to complete. Much, much better to say you will make best endeavours and let whoever is looking for the resource to decide whether to go ahead at risk or find another way.

I agree an apology is in order, together with a rueful ‘I do tend to struggle to say no to tasks when I don’t have any cover from management’. Why not ask your colleague for some mentoring on how to handle that kind of request better in future. What is the worst that could happen, you get colleague on side and might squire some new useful skills. You could mention it as a development opportunity to your new manager.

Being able to gracefully decline to do things is a very very useful skill to master in many walks of life. All the best

"Hi George, no problem. Sally said it was urgent so rather than leave the entire task for you on Monday I thought I'd help out by doing as much as I could before I left today. In future, should our working hours clash I'll let Sally know that you'll need to pick up the entire task instead."

Firstly, don’t be so down on yourself! You wouldn’t even have known about this message if you hadn’t logged on after hours. Chances are, it will all be sorted when you go back. Just ignore it and move on as if nothing has happened. He’s made himself look like an idiot, not you!