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Help I'm a bore

42 replies

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:19

I love my new job been there 9 months.
I love working and was previously doing 60 HR weeks elsewhere .
I overheard my colleagues going on about how I mention my last colleague loads who I was friendly with and generally about being boring.
I do have an invisible disability which they know about so my social life is v restricted.
My dcs have left home too.
My hobbies are my job too and I don't like to gossip which I know is a silly thing.
How can I be less boring ?
With little ability to do much except work.

OP posts:
devastatedagain · 07/01/2025 16:21

Get out more.

Join some social groups.

Take an interest in your colleagues.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2025 16:23

Asking more questions and getting to know your new colleagues better might help. Just how their weekends were, light stuff like that and see where it leads?

You’d be justified in feeling hurt by their comments and that can make anyone a bit defensive but if you want to improve things I’d focus on listening over talking, remembering they’re colleagues rather than close friends/doctor/therapist and asking yourself if what you’re sharing is interesting, necessary, relevant.

jacobmib · 07/01/2025 16:27

Don’t shape yourself according to others’ expectation

You are not there to be anyone’s entertainment

Do what makes you happy for yourself and anybody else

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:30

I'm very chatty and bubbly at work ask lots of questions without being too nosy.
I have an invisible disability which affected me for years.
Severe anxiety disorder so had to stop driving and doing activities in groups.
Work is probably the one thing I can do because it's my hobby and I'm extremely busy there.
I like gardening baking animals and nature.Music and Instagram and have been learning sign language.

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:31

I can only really talk about my work as I've spent 40 yrs doing it.
Which I guess is dull for others despite being a vastly creative thing.

OP posts:
username299 · 07/01/2025 16:32

You need self awareness, to show an interest in others and to be able to read body language.

One thing I've learned is that people love talking about themselves. Why do you think anyone would be interested in your previous colleague?

Current affairs, local news, books, events, - stick to those.

Anonym00se · 07/01/2025 16:33

Aside from this horrible episode, are you happy with your life? I’m unashamedly boring, but I’m happy to be what other people consider boring (my hobbies are actually very similar to yours). If your world is big enough for you, you don’t need to change to keep colleagues happy. They sound awful anyway!

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:35

Probably because they tell me about previous colleagues and funny situations so I thought it was ok to relate with one of mine.

OP posts:
username299 · 07/01/2025 16:37

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:35

Probably because they tell me about previous colleagues and funny situations so I thought it was ok to relate with one of mine.

overheard my colleagues going on about how I mention my last colleague loads

devastatedagain · 07/01/2025 16:37

OP you keep coming up with excuses as to why you absolutely MUST talk about your old colleague.

Carry on doing it then.

ShortWide · 07/01/2025 16:45

If this is the worst they can say about you - it’s really not so bad! Nothing evil or criminal.

Being “boring” in their eyes doesn’t have to matter. Are you fascinated by these people? Do you find their conversation riveting? I suspect they’re just being bitchy. Some people bond by othering someone else, so it could have been this.

Not being gossipy is a good thing. Unless you really respect and admire and like these people, please don’t feel you have to change off the back of these comments which they probably haven’t even thought about since they were said.

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:46

AnonymOOsse
Thank you for that.
My hobbies are introverted.
Mostly I'm content and working gradually on broadening my horizons where possible.
I've never had the money or MH to do wildly exciting things.

OP posts:
barbarahunter · 07/01/2025 16:48

Who says your colleagues are so bloody interesting anyway @whatisforteamum ? as someone else said, just be yourself and embrace your boringness! I like being boring, personally .

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:48

Jacobmib.
Very true.100 % Committed to work though.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 07/01/2025 16:50

Topics aren’t boring—people are boring. What I mean is that some people don’t know how to be amusing or engaging. Some do. The same story “what I learned from my colleagues” can be fascinating or it can be dull. Its all in the telling.

Maybe look into groups that teach public speaking or improv/comedy. Stretch yourself. Stop obsessing about your invisible disability and put yourself out to figure out how to tell an engaging story about your life. Or listen more than you talk.

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:51

Barbarahunter they go home cook tea and watch TV.😂

OP posts:
TheRoundaboutHadLovelyFlowers · 07/01/2025 16:51

I think they must find you quite interesting if they were gossping about you. If you were that boring then they wouldn't be talking about you.

Maybe they are just sort of getting to grips with you and are trying to form their ideas out loud?

Maybe boring is a bit like being soothing. Perhaps you are soothing and that is good?

CautiousLurker01 · 07/01/2025 16:54

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:30

I'm very chatty and bubbly at work ask lots of questions without being too nosy.
I have an invisible disability which affected me for years.
Severe anxiety disorder so had to stop driving and doing activities in groups.
Work is probably the one thing I can do because it's my hobby and I'm extremely busy there.
I like gardening baking animals and nature.Music and Instagram and have been learning sign language.

TBH you don’t sound boring at all. I think the comment you heard revealed more about the speaker than you.

FictionalCharacter · 07/01/2025 16:54

jacobmib · 07/01/2025 16:27

Don’t shape yourself according to others’ expectation

You are not there to be anyone’s entertainment

Do what makes you happy for yourself and anybody else

I couldn’t agree more.
If you reflect on your communications with them and realise you tell the same story all the time, or you don’t listen, or reply to them with yes/no and don’t have conversations, you can work on that. If not, they’re just a nasty bitchy immature little crew who think everyone must be just like them. And they’re not worth worrying about.

Thepiecesdontfit333 · 07/01/2025 16:55

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 16:31

I can only really talk about my work as I've spent 40 yrs doing it.
Which I guess is dull for others despite being a vastly creative thing.

Op this is understandably a bit hurtful but can you re-frame it as a good thing? Free feedback!

Next time you find yourself going on about your previous work colleagues, just say out loud, sorry I bang on too much about that place! So they know you are self aware.

And introduce some other topics as pp suggested? There are lots of other things to talk about! Pets, the weather, food and cooking, news and cultural events in your area, plans for the weekend and summer travel. Show genuine interest in others without being nosey and you can’t go wrong!

By the way, you are quite right not to engage in gossip! Very wise and not silly at all!

The other approach is to mention your disability and be open with a few trustworthy colleagues. Explain why you may experience certain difficulties (if you still do). Most genuine people would react very sympathetically to that.

Edited to say: but only do that if you think they have a genuine point to make. As other people have said, you don’t sound boring at all!

Finally, please remember op that we humans are a miserable race generally, and our brains are programmed to think and speak about the negative things we are experiencing. You very rarely find people huddled in corners talking about how wonderful someone is! So please keep in mind you will have lots of good qualities that your colleagues don’t chat about! So don’t take this too much to heart!

You sound like you have a great sense of humour, so exploit that to the max too!

Good luck 💐

miliop · 07/01/2025 16:56

Baking animals isn't boring!

...sorry.

What I actually wanted to say is, you sound quite content and you have interests. I also like gardening, baking and animals. If you're happy, I wouldn't worry about some overheard bitchy remark. They probably say far worse about other people there. But if it's spurring you on to get out of your comfort zone and try something new, that's great.

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 17:08

Thank you all
Yes one colleague loves my enthusiasm for our work they have been there many years and loves my boundless new ideas.
I talk about pets ás we all share that in common.
I do need to listen more though.
Actually my hobbies are
Gardening
Cooking and food trends
Animals
Weight lifting
Walking many miles
Languages
Fashion
DIY
Music
also passionate about minority groups being treated fairly.
Photography and making reels set to music .
I'm ok with myself.

OP posts:
OurDreamLife · 07/01/2025 17:10

Sod what other people think. You don’t have to be out with exciting plans everyday.

Maybe dial back about talking about ex colleagues.

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2025 17:22

Definitely not to mention my last workplace.
I will pull them up if they mention ex colleagues too.😂

OP posts:
HotCrossBunplease · 07/01/2025 17:34

I think that the issue with mentioning the ex colleague may be that thing where people find it hard to engage in a story about someone they don’t know- you know when an elderly relative tells you all about Sue who used to live next door to your cousin and how she’s booked a holiday to Tenerife next summer? It’s a bit like that. We engage better when both parties to the conversation know the characters involved. That (sadly) is why gossip about mutual acquaintances is so enticing.

They’d probably be mortified to know you overheard them though. Sorry you feel upset by it. Just keep being bubbly and positive about joint work stuff and maybe turn social conversation to general things like TV shows.