Help I'm a bore

[whatisforteamum]

I love my new job been there 9 months.
I love working and was previously doing 60 HR weeks elsewhere .
I overheard my colleagues going on about how I mention my last colleague loads who I was friendly with and generally about being boring.
I do have an invisible disability which they know about so my social life is v restricted.
My dcs have left home too.
My hobbies are my job too and I don't like to gossip which I know is a silly thing.
How can I be less boring ?
With little ability to do much except work.

I’m a single parent, I enjoy my job but generally felt/feel very lonely there after my previous coworker left and like you I am very anxious and my hobbies are generally something you tend to do solo.

I tried fitting in more with my coworkers and it just led to being privy to a bunch of drama I don’t want to be a part of. You’ll always have friends if you go along with gossiping, people love that. Maybe your coworkers idea of “fun” is just very different from yours and that’s okay.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about what they think - although I know that is easier said than done. You are their to work, just be pleasant and take some interest in colleagues, but you can stop at that. Just be yourself and if you are happy with you, then that's all that matters.

I doubt they meant your topics of conversation, more the way you talk about it.

Going on and on about anything is boring. Asking zillions of questions is annoying. Just know when to stop.

Usually if you've been talking for more than a few seconds or asking more than three questions in a conversation, it's just too much and people don't want to engage but feel like they have to pretend to be interested or pretend they want to talk about the thing you asked about when really they want to go back to their desk.

Also, think about the way you talk to people. Is your voice engaging? Is your speech pattern meandering or do you get to the point? Lots of pauses while you lose the thread and find it again? Telling the same stories 2 or 3 times but you forgot you already told them?

It's all well and good people saying "it's them not you hunni xoxo" but I'm sorry to say that it's probably you in one or more of these big ways and they don't want the confrontation of saying it to your face.

It sounds like you have great hobbies OP. You have more than I do! Don’t feel like you need to change for these colleagues.

Just one comment about your references to your ex colleague - maybe they are all talking about mutual colleagues or at least stories relating to ex employees of your mutual workplace so are naturally invested in the stories whereas they won’t be interested in a colleague they haven’t met.

Tbh to me they sound the boring ones

I'm going to go against the grain of what most other people are saying here.

You do not need to change yourself at all. Carry on doing a job you love, and just be polite and friendly to your colleagues. They do not need to be your friends, and if they say things like that behind other people's backs, well. I wouldn't want them as a friend anyway.

OP I have zero hobbies unless you count binge watching Netflix in my pjs and walking my dog!

don’t feel that you have to be joined up to 20 different sala, art and exercise classes to be interesting.

just focus on remembering to ask a few questions to other people to help the conversation flow.

“How was your weekend, what did you get up to.”

”have you watched the new series on itv yet, I started it last night.”

”I’d like to try a new restaurant this weekend, any recommendations?”

Ignore them that's what you do, if you are happy. You are never going to be everyone's cup of tea so why try. Also keep that person at arms length they are not nice. I would never say that about someone , there's no need.

I must admit the person does put down anyone not on that shift,or the customers or another colleague who likes to be spiteful.
It's not just me.

Miraculousladybug that is constructive advice.
I will try these tips.😊

I really hate these bitchy cliques in the workplace!

You are chatty, bubbly and have lots of interesting hobbies. I really don’t think this is a you problem.

It's interesting that your colleagues appear to be very unskilled socially...gossiping and talking about you when they must have known there was a possibility you'd overhear. And yet you're being given advice about how to improve your social skills! You don't sound boring at all.

OP I'm sure a lot of people think I'm boring. My neighbours for instance, don't involve me in anything...they probably like me but think I'm quiet and boring. I think they're boring. They're neurotypical, I'm autistic.

You don't sound boring at all. But you are obviously quite conscious of feeling like you have dull hobbies (they are not btw) and possibly they feel you talk about you previous colleague too much that you new colleagues know more about this person they've never met then they do you.
Anyone can be interesting and great to talk to even with zero hobbies and just by discussing current events. Just make sure they are getting to know you

FoolisHips
I'm awaiting assessment myself.
Already have worked on the anxiety and I dislike gossip,don't mind chit chat and will chat to anyone .
I'm heavily interested in work as it was previously my hobby.

You're not a bore, they're just not your people and they're bloody rude to boot.
Don't try to change yourself, let's be honest no one's particularly interesting especially at work - pleasantries will do. I find anyone who thinks they are exceptionally interesting awfully self absorbed.

Thank you.I hope I'm not the self absorbed one.😊