Second interview and WFH question

[Cocteautwin6]

I’m currently interviewing for jobs as have opted for voluntary redundancy from my current role. I’ve had a couple of interviews where I’ve gotten close so far (I’m in a digital
role so the jobs market is fairly healthy)

Had an initial interview before Christmas which was just with the hiring manager. I don’t know if this was standard practice or because they liked my CV and wanted to get me in, although I suspect not that many have applied from looking at the Linkedin ad (only 20 odd applicants). This was fairly relaxed, seemingly went well and I was immediately asked back for a second interview with the manager’s manager.

This again was quite unstructured, but in depth - they went through my cv and we discussed the role and how I would approach it.

At the end they said they would like someone to work on site 3 days a week at least. (The ad stated ‘hybrid’ so wasn’t sure how many would be required.) I said I’d hope to negotiate ‘slightly less’ but left it at that. They said I could discuss this with the hiring manager.

I’m unsure of whether this will impact my chances of an offer now, but if they did make an offer with no flex I’m not sure if I’d take it. It’s an hours drive each way and DS is still 3, plus we have no family support with things like picking him up from nursery etc and my husband works full time. My question is - has anyone managed to successfully negotiate WFH/on-site time during this stage of the process?

It’s never going to work - even 2 days per week with a 3 hr drive just isn’t worth it.
They want someone in the office - you want to work remote.
Id just focus on other jobs.

I think you’re on a hiding to nothing because you know now you’re not the right fit for the role, they are looking for someone who is going to be majority in the office, you don’t want to do that.

How many hours is ds in nursery? If he's only 15 hours, who has him the rest of the time?

What hours is your son in nursery? Could your husband do drop offs or pick ups to make it work?

It's a 1hr drive

My role was advertised full time, office based. I submitted my cv and wrote to the recruiter that I could only work part time, and majority remote (as office is an hour away). I said I understood it was unlikely but the role felt like just a great fit for my experience that I thought I’d make contact anyway as a ‘just in case’.

turns out they had really struggled to recruit, and were able to offer me 4 days, 3 wfh. So I’d say be honest, tell than what you need. If they can’t give you the flexibility you need / budge by a day, it’s not the right role and they probably won’t have the long term flexibility you will want with a young child.

I’d wait for an offer first, then if you want the role and it compares well with your other realistic options, would seek to negotiate 2 days in the office and get that in writing, although in practice they could change the work pattern.

many employers require 3 days in the workplace, so much depends on what other options you have and the location. Agree with the PP that the location and commute doesn’t sound ideal.

Would also share the weekday parenting with your H, eg nursery drop offs / pick ups

He does four mornings a week at school nursery then the afternoons with his wraparound nursery. We both work compressed hours and have him on alternate Fridays.

He could, and has said he’d be willing to make it work to be fair as he WFH full time, but I’d defo feel guilty.

MN is generally very anti WFH so you’ll likely get an unbalanced range of opinions. Depends how strict they are on the office time - which only you can gauge from the discussions your having. I’m very much in the ask for forgiveness rather than permission camp. Assuming you genuinely think you can manage two days a week get the job first and do your two days and see how it goes. FYI I have a similar job that “requires” us to be in the office - which is 1.5hr away for me - twice a week. Sometimes I manage it, sometimes I don’t.

It's going to totally depend on the employer, I don't think mine would be prepared to accept something different to what was advertised as they know what they need for the business and advertise accordingly

Why would you feel guilty about your husband doing nursery runs?!

An hour commute is not that unusual. 2 or 3 days a week when your DH WFH fulltime and can do nursery pickup/drop off is ideal, surely?

Just that he’d have to do both drop off and pick up three days a week really. We’ve managed to do 50/50 up till now.

I’d consider 2 days, definitely.

But if the job needs 3 days on site, the DH does the nursery runs on the extra day. No big deal

He WFH full time - it is much easier for someone in an established position and much easier for men, to be flexible around drop offs and pick ups.

Let him take the childcare responsibility and let go of the guilt, you have done your share by carrying the pregnancy, giving birth and taking maternity leave. If you continue to bear all of the responsibility, it will have a long term impact on your career, your self esteem and your marriage.

His work would have more flex than yours so you adjust the childcare responsibilities accordingly. What's the big deal?

I would negotiate and not take the job if it’s more than 1 day in the office. They will struggle to recruit as they are limiting their pool, employees will have to be within an hours commute, have full child care in place or not have children and will need the experience they desire. Employers need to be more flexible now a days when it comes to office roles, people select these type of jobs for the flexibility that comes with it, if there is no flexibility, what’s the point?

Thanks, I think I need to hear that! (And husband would likely agree)

I wonder whether the on site requirements are what's led to them getting so few applicants.

Personally I'd ask, and if they want that level of commute 3 times a week maybe it's not for you. It isn't only about childcare logistics. That's a long commute in itself. There'll be times when it's much longer because of weather, accidents and so on. If you think 2 days is your ideal, negotiate.

It sounds like it comes down to how much you want the job. You have childcare sorted, DH can step up and it's only hybrid, not FT WOH. WFH if my partner did too would feel a bit intense for me, so I think I'd like a couple of days in the office for a change of company and scenery.

Where does everyone work that an hour is an unreasonable commute? That's completely standard in London.

@Cocteautwin6 there will be other times in DS life when you take more of the burden (maternity leave?) and other times (like now) when his dad will. That’s more of a true partnership than religiously splitting everything 50:50 all the time. And I’d bet my mortgage that your dh didn’t feel guilty that you took a year off. Nor would he feel guilty if the roles were reversed here.

Lose the guilt, take the role (if you want it).

Thank you. I’m terrible for mum guilt.