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Original poster

Giving up career to have a family

43 replies

Rachel1969 · 13/03/2001 11:10

Hi
My name is Rachel Halliwell and I'm a feature writer with the Daily Mail.
I'm researching an article on women in their twenties who have given up their careers to have a baby.
We're always writing about mums who do this in their thirties and I think it's time we take a look at a younger age group.
So ... if your career was going through the roof and you considered yourself a real high-flyer but then you decided having a child was more important to you please get in touch.
My email is [email protected]

OP posts:
Jbr · 31/03/2001 17:20

So if you work your children aren't important to you?

Spring · 03/04/2001 12:12

I think this decision is 'usually' made from a different stance. Most women return to work after their first child, however if they decide to have more children the career has to be shelved,in most instances, because of financial reasons. The cost of child care in this country is very high compared with other countries, with little (mostly no) help from employers etc. How many companies in the UK have a creche? Not everyone can plan their lives so clincially. Who says you will meet the right 'someone' and both be ready for children etc in your 20's? Who knows whether they will be able to conceive exactly when they plan?

Emmagee · 03/04/2001 15:53

Did anyone see Junior this month? They had a table which showed that if you earn £35K and employ a nanny in London and are above-board with all the tax, NI etc, you clear just over £1000 net per year......! Now I know why I feel so poor and it emphasised why I won't be trying to pay for childcare for two when my baby is born later this year!

Croppy · 03/04/2001 15:57

Yup Emmagee! My first £35k goes straight to our Nanny.

Emmagee · 03/04/2001 16:48

oh to have a 'first' 35k!

Midge · 03/04/2001 20:49

35K? Sounds like my pregnant bra size.

Croppy · 04/04/2001 06:33

Sorry. Don't mean to sound as though I'm boasting. Have been in the city for fourteen years solid though....

Lil · 06/07/2001 10:50

Ok I'VE FINALLY DONE IT..after chatting to all you guys, prevaricating, reading Melissa Hill's book (and discounting 70% of it!), I've picked up a two day light 'n easy job and just handed in my notice..aaahh!!!!

No more pension, no more health insurance, no more sick leave, no more career, no more money. My poor little boy isn't going to know what to do with me... this is scarey stuff, somebody talk to me!!

Batters · 06/07/2001 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowy · 06/07/2001 11:04

It's not all gone for good, you'll get it back (fingers crossed) in a few years.

Now slow down enjoy the pace, chill. Think of the time you can spend doing silly things and just messing round with the kids.

Paddling pool this week has been great fun, I wouldn't have missed it for all the pension plans in the world (remind me I said that in 30 yrs time).

Money? Well it's all a matter of perspective. As I say to my ungrateful students sometimes... You have the luck to have been born in the latter half of the 20th Century in the western world, compared to a couple of billion people out there you already have won the lottery.

good luck

Winnie · 06/07/2001 11:30

Lil, best wishes... it will be fine and sanity can reign... you can return to the work place and as for the money thing yes it is all a matter of perspective as Snowy points out so poignantly.

Tigermoth · 06/07/2001 11:59

Lil, speaking as someone who has had 4 days holiday since Christmas, (plus 5 days off sick with flu, not fun, so not counted), I 100% envy you. I had two years 'out' in my mid-thirties. I work in the field of advertising and design and was able, via an unexpected insurance payout, to step off the full-time treadmill. I kept my hand in by doing a little freelance work, and returned to a full time career without any exceptional hassle - though it was very difficult to getmy mind back into full work mode after having time off.

Enjoy your freeedom, Lil. Money can't buy time. You'll be rich in so many other ways. And if you're like me, you'll especially relish Monday mornings at home, round 9.00 am, thinking with glee what you're missing ....

Lil · 06/07/2001 12:41

Thanks, its taken a lot of thought and investigation to take this seemingly simple step. My parents can't understand why I would give up my career and as you all point out, I'm sure I can get back in. Its important to think of it as a career break. I feel like a walking cliche they all seem to apply; like life's too short, its only money,they're only young once etc.

Snowy I love your perspective, its so true, especially in the South West Of England where we're all very money/house prices/private school driven. What's a few years in the grand scheme of things? Only problem is I won't be able to logon here so much if I'm paying the phone bill! I've always found this site a refreshing support as a 'career woman' trying to juggle. I wonder what its like the other side of the fence! Eulalia I'm going to go back and read that insightful string you wrote about living on not a lot!

PS promise you won't all 'roll your eyes' when I start to logon to moan about being bored!!

Jbr · 06/07/2001 17:22

It's nice to change jobs when you can. But if I had said "you will have time to mess about with the kids" (sorry can't remember who said it) I would have got "no, it's a hard job!"

Batters · 06/07/2001 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bells1 · 09/07/2001 08:11

Congrats Lil!. Will be REALLY interested to hear how you get on. Can I ask, is your new part-time job in a similar field to the one in which you were previously working? Did you ask your employer if they would consider letting you work a couple of days a week?

Lil · 09/07/2001 11:25

Hi Bells, my current employer is a big company and has recently allowed me to work 4 days a week. In reality though, I am treated as if I left my brain in the ante-natal ward, and I am not given any proper projects to work on (am an engineer). I have gone from managing staff and projects to being the general office dogsbody, watching as my peers are promoted above me. I know this is very common, and a part of me feels like I've 'let the side down'. But the bigger part of me realises that I'd rather be with my son than continually fighting the male chauvenistic management!!!!

I am doing 2 days a week as a contractor in the same field for a small firm. It is only a six month contract, and it feels strange not having the company safety net. Its not very well paid but I didn't want to pull my son out of nursery as he is used to it, and it does cover costs.

I guess its not like binning work altogether - but its certainly a totally different mindset for me, as I've always been very work-orientated. Am so glad Batters and Tigermoth never regretted their decision!

Lil · 09/07/2001 11:30

oops.. actually that reads wrong...should explain I will only have my son at nursery for TWO days (cos he is used to it) now not four , so I will get to see him (that being the point!!).

Bells1 · 09/07/2001 13:35

Cheers Lil! I actually met someone at a wedding on Saturday who I am having lunch with tomorrow in order to talk about a possible 2 day a week job in a related field... When it comes to the crunch, I am not sure we are ready to take the hit to our finances but I am getting sick of the constant guilt over my 4 day week in a male dominated environment!.

Tigermoth · 09/07/2001 14:04

Oh stop it Bells! Lil, now you, too...I'm getting more envious by the minute.

Lil · 09/07/2001 16:38

Whst do you do then Bells???

Yes the finance bit is painful - I've already started cutting out coupons!

Bells1 · 10/07/2001 06:38

I'm currently an analyst in the City Lil - considering part time investor relations work. My worry is that I don't think my husband has quite realised how much of our outgoings I pay for. I currently pay for all our food and drink shopping, all our son's clothes and toys, 2/3 of our Nanny's cost and half of the rest of all our bills including mortgage and so on. Unsurprisingly I'm left with almost nothing but not sure he'd be ready for the shock of how much these things all cost!.

Nmd · 10/07/2001 07:50

Congratulations Lil - I cut down to 3 days a week after my first and had a similar problem - reduced status & treated like I couldn't handle anything serious because I had to be in & out for nursery times. After a year of that I decided to give up completely when my second arrived - my Dad just can't believe what I've given up to 'change nappies all day' but then he's very status driven. Even he can see that 18 months on we're all very much happier and the children are flourishing. It took me most of the first year to get used to being treated like a dimbo just because I was out during the day pushing a pushchair but the benefits hugely outweigh the disadvantages and I would recommend it to anyone who can manage. Yes, we've lost lots of income, company car etc. but our quality of life just can't be compared.

Lil · 10/07/2001 08:20

Thanks Nmd!

Bells have you tried putting the family costs on a spreadsheet yet? It was suprising how much 'luxury money' we actually spent. n.b. There is a 'bills' template on Lotus123 which is a spreadsheet which sets out all your costs in logical order and shows you what you actually spend. (I don't know if Excel has something similiar tucked away, but it does stop you from missing key items out.) prinitng it out to show your husband might wake him up on the money front!!

Bells1 · 10/07/2001 09:01

Will check it out Lil. Have been putting it off as I strongly suspect that once you include double tax, childcare, the cleaner, cost of a work wardrobe, commuting, lunches and so on I'll be horrified as to the futility of it all!.