Giving up career to have a family

[Rachel1969]

Hi
My name is Rachel Halliwell and I'm a feature writer with the Daily Mail.
I'm researching an article on women in their twenties who have given up their careers to have a baby.
We're always writing about mums who do this in their thirties and I think it's time we take a look at a younger age group.
So ... if your career was going through the roof and you considered yourself a real high-flyer but then you decided having a child was more important to you please get in touch.
My email is [email protected]

Bells, I'm about to go on (permanent) maternity leave for number 2 and can't wait. We've tried out the finances over the last few months by paying my salary (minus childcare) straight into a saving account just to check we could manage on one salary. I agree with you that once you add up how much it costs you to go to work the decision becomes a lot easier.

Cawthorn, the main worry is though, if I'm not working I might find myself walking to the shops more and therefore spending more money!

Oh Lil - congratulations and I hope you will love every minute of it. I am dying to get to the stage where we are financially secure enough for me to give up f/t working out of the home - not for the forseeable future alas. Can't believe you'll spend more money - I find it's the lack of time that makes me spend money, eg more expensive food that's quicker to cook, binges on Saturday morning cos it's the only time I ever get to the shops etc etc.

Lil I think your son may curtail your expenditure - we seem to get to the shops most days but just to grab what we need & dash to the park - any thoughts of browsing and at least one child's wobbly starts brewing!

aah to live somewhere where you can walk to the shops, I have a village post office and a chip shop to choose from so no great danger ! I think shopping is hubbies worry but son is still at the stage where its like taking a goat out so its cetainly not done for pleasure !
good luck with the new life (I won't say say life of leisure, I'm under no delusions !)

Hi, All....what a supportive bunch you are!!! ...I am in a similar position to Lil. I have just begun maternity leave (number 3)...went back full time after no 1, part time after no 2 and I am now trying to engineer a career break. I think that I will try the living on one wage thing for the next few months....I might as well get used to it as even if I do return, the cost of childcare for 3 under school age is my take home salary. I just think that you need to look at these few years in a couple of ways one that it possibly the "poorest" that you will ever be in financial terms but it is only temporary I have been "hanging on" to my job for no financial gain today, but for some time in the distant future when they are all at school even then I know I would certainly not want to go back full-time...(when does the home-work get done?? -- at 7.30pm when you get home exhausted)...also this time could/should be the "richest" period of your life, all those cuddles, unconditional love, investing in and nuturing the emotional and intellectual well-being, not just of your child(ren) but of your family including your partner. Does it really matter that for a few years a foreign holiday is not an option?..does it make sense to torture yourself working 50 weeks of the year for a fornight in the sun? This I have done for the last three years. My decision to return or stay at home will be forced by finances ... but I wish I had the courage like you Lil to have followed my heart.

I completely agree with what Nmd said - I've done "easy" part-time jobs since I've had my children, where I've felt embarrassed to admit I have a degree. Most of my friends from college are "high-flyers" in London, one in particular who is the MD of a company (never thought I'd see that day when downing pints with her in Uni bar). I feel quite alienated from them now, but not envious one bit - I've never been particularly ambitious, so I feel now I've got an excuse to not be. However, I don't want to be written off by people just because I have children. The job I currently do is fantastic for people with children; flexi-time in the true sense of the word - I do a set number of hours in a year, and as long as I'm no more than 20 up or down at the end of each quarter, I can do them when I choose. My mother-in-law was taking the girls for a picnic the other afternoon, the weather was glorious, so I thought "sod it" and just didn't go in. No guilt, no missing out on fun! However, I'm just about to start training for another job with the same company, and the 3 part-timers who've gone for it have already been warned that we might find it beyond us, and told to remember that the company invests the same money in training us as it does the full timers (the implication being that we wouldn't give the same returns). This was after we were all asked how many children we had and how old they were. One of my colleagues has a disabled son, which she feels she can't mention, as it will be seen as something that will stop her being as dedicated as she should.
I've rambled on a bit here, and I think I've lost (the plot...?) my thread, but hopefully all that made some sense.

The way that the particular gentleman asked about our children was meant to come across in a general "conversational, just interested in you" kind of way, but none of us are fooled - the same man always likes to comment on women who wear shorts etc. He used to be a Baptist Minister (& gave it up to be an actuary - I thought the love if money was the root of all evil), so I think he has very "traditional" views. His wife works, but she's a nurse - which is obviously "womens work"
Cynical, me - whoever would have thought it!
However, he did nearly manage to put one of the other women off, but we persuaded her to stick it out. It just makes me more determined to do the job & show him!

thanks knakered, that is a great way to think...that parenthood is a different phase of life and the same rules just don't apply. You don't HAVE to go on holiday, and you don't HAVE to buy top quality. We've done the young free and single thing, so now's the time to down tools and enjoy!

Why doesn't society emphasise this? it would certainly make many of us feel less guilty and less driven!

Hi all...I'm new to mumsnet (recommended by a friend) and I'm catching up on old discussions. Sorry if the oomph has gone out of this particular one, but I would like to open it up again.
I resigned my position as Financial Controller for a PLC when my 20mth old was born. Note that I don't say 'gave up the career' - not sure really whether I have done the latter or not. Does anyone else feel like me - I don't want to go back to the rat race of 60 hr weeks and board room politics. But, I also don't want to give up the career.
So what do I want you may ask? Well, the answer is a part time role but with the status I had formerly achieved. Does anyone have experience of success in finding something similar? Or, does anyone else feel like me, that full time childcare is not enough for either me or my daughter? Am I being unrealistic perhaps?

Alih, when I was recently looking at options for minimal part-time work, I thought I'd have no chance. I was pleasantly surprised when agencies i used did find me work part-time. The main problem for me was that I didn't want a long commute because of getting back for the nursery - this limited my choices, but I have found a 2 day contract very local to me.

So just to let you know that the recruitment agencies are more helpful than you would think - and that there are companies that are looking for flexible working.Worth a try.

Lil - Thanks for that, glad you have found something which works. I have tried one or two agencies locally, with no luck. One very kindly rings me regularly with pt roles which I might have been interested in in the first year or two of my career! Easy money for them I guess.

Pamina - You sound as though you are in exactly the position I was when I left my job. I was the only female senior manager in a logistics/distribution company - all men! You may be able to use your position (ie the first female with child) to your advantage, since many HR departments are keen to be seen to 'do the right thing for family life' I hope so for your sake. It is hard to make the decision on what to do - I still didn't know what I was going to tell my employer as I walked in the door of the building! I wish you the best of luck.

If part time work is offered, it should go to everyone not just women. Also, I do think it should in stipulated in the contract ie you can't ask for part time work if it isn't written in when you join.

The thing is though, if men were offered the same, would they take it? We still seem to think women should spend more time with their children than men should, in fact, women get criticised if they don't and yet it's ok for men.

i went down to 3 days per week when I had ny first child, and have just gone down to 2 days per week now my youngest is due to start school (yes, I know it sounds the wrong way to do things, but believe me, it is actually easier before they start school) I have lost status as a result of working part time, and I expect it will be worse now I work 2 days per week, but to a certain extent I believe that it to be expected. The career doesn't have the same priority at the moment as my home life, although I am very productive whilst there. I consider myself very lucky to be able to have the choice, but I don't believe you can 'have it all', something has to give, and for me that is my progression up the career ladder (being older I am already a fair way up anyway). For those who ask 'why is it always the women who have to give up careers etc' I should say that my husband has had to give up time with the children, so both of us have to make sacrifices somewhere. Luckily, he is with a company who believes it is better to get the work done between 9 - 5:30, than hang around all hours to 'look good'.
Sorry if I'm rambling, I just want to say that sometimes you do have to make difficult choices, and if you are in a position to do that without having to consider just the financial implications you are very lucky indeed. Also, none of these decisions are forever, I fully intend to go back full time when the children no longer need me so much, hopefully without the guilt of feeling I didn't spend enough time with them when they were smaller.

Alih and Pamina, if it is of any encouragement one of my friends was Financial Controller at a plc and she went back to work part-time after the birth of her first as Chief Accountant. The company were fine about it, although had reservations at first about whether she could do all the work in a part-time position. There are several weeks of the year, at year-end when she does do 5 days but other than that she finds it works out fine.