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Original poster

Private Manager

37 replies

Car1y · 13/12/2024 10:35

Ok so....My manager is friendly, professional, asks how im doing and supportive.She asks how my husband is and my views on world matters etc....Whenever we ask her about her weekend, she always says "just chilled out" but weve seen on her social media (secretly) that she does go out and she does do stuff. So why cant she just say?
We always talk about our families and kids and she never says anything? Is she straight, gay,has kids or a cat lady? Why are some senior managers so private?

OP posts:
Valid8me · 13/12/2024 12:43

She probably doesn't want to share every aspect of her life with other people!!

What has it got to do with you whether she is gay, has kid or likes cats? Some people just prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life nothing wrong with that. At least she is still friendly and does engage with others.

Namechange13101 · 13/12/2024 12:44

I'm a senior mananger, and to be honest i don't share my personal life with my team. I'll ask after theirs and listen to what they want to share but will often say that i've had a chilled weekend or just been out with friends. I don;t feel the need to share every detail and thats my personal preference, and also how i am with my manager and what he shares with me is minimal as well. I don't feel that it affects how i manage my team or how he manages me. I also don't have the time to listen to the finer details of what 20 people are getting up to at the weekend and to be honest i don't really care what my team are doing in terms of the minute detail of their weekends, neither do i have the time to stalk them on social media to find out what they are doing, i think you just need to take your managers response at face value and accept that they like to keep their private life seperate to work.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/12/2024 12:46

What's interesting in this post is the fact that you think it's any of your business. It's up to her if she chooses not to share details of her private life.

Original poster
Car1y · 13/12/2024 15:50

I was just thinking she should make more effort to connect with the team.

OP posts:
Namechange13101 · 13/12/2024 15:53

Well you describe her as friendly, professional and supportive exactly as a manager should be. She’s not there to gossip about the weekend or ‘connect’ with you on a personal level if she doesn’t want to. If you’d described her as cold, serious and unsupportive I might have a different opinion, but you just come across as nosy and over invested especially if you've actively stalked her on social media!

FrogsLoveRain · 13/12/2024 16:13

Car1y · 13/12/2024 15:50

I was just thinking she should make more effort to connect with the team.

Reread the first couple of sentences of your OP.

She is making an effort to connect albeit in a personally private way. That's her perogative and you shouldn't criticise an otherwise supportive manager for it.

I'm a senior manager and sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong!

FrogsLoveRain · 13/12/2024 16:17

Actually, do you know OP, I'll be harsher as your thread has really irritated me - you need to grow up.

She's your manager. A supportive one. She's not your friend though.

Stop being nosy and Facebook stalking her. You sound very young and immature.

ErrolTheDragon · 13/12/2024 16:31

Car1y · 13/12/2024 15:50

I was just thinking she should make more effort to connect with the team.

Nope.
She should continue to behave in a professional way with appropriate boundaries.

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 18:11

Why the fuck are you stalking this poor woman on social media!

She asks and you're happy to share. She may feel it's rude not to ask. She is obviously more private and has every right to choose to be so. Why the fuck are you sat there pondering on her sexuality etc! Jesus!

Original poster
Car1y · 13/12/2024 19:54

I didnt mean anything wrong by that, but every manager Ive had is very chatty about their own life and if they are married so I thought it was normal for a manager to be open. Im 28 actually

OP posts:
Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 20:03

Car1y · 13/12/2024 19:54

I didnt mean anything wrong by that, but every manager Ive had is very chatty about their own life and if they are married so I thought it was normal for a manager to be open. Im 28 actually

People are different. Her choosing to keep things to herself isn't a bad thing. Same as if it were reversed, she would have no right to know anything about you that you didn't feel comfortable sharing.

Some people just like there to be more of a boundary between their work and personal selves than others do,

FrogsLoveRain · 13/12/2024 22:28

"Normal for a manager to be open"

Sorry OP but you sound very naive.

Gazelda · 13/12/2024 22:49

When I was a relatively new manager, I was very friendly with team members. Shared personal info. Was friends on social media. Used terms such as 'hun', 'mate' etc.

Then I needed to go through a disciplinary process with one of my team. It was difficult because professional boundaries had been blurred. The team member took it as a personal attack rather than a reflection on her performance and attitude. I felt as though I'd lost the respect of the team.

I'll never make that mistake again. I like to think I'm fair, interested, compassionate, supportive. But first and foremost I'm professional.

PostReader · 13/12/2024 23:39

You're being unreasonable. I'm a lesbian and I used to dread people talking about me behind my back like this or calling me 'the lesbian who works in X department' and so on as people do.

Original poster
Car1y · 14/12/2024 08:09

I dont know if she is a lesbian or if she has children. She never says

OP posts:
Original poster
Car1y · 14/12/2024 08:09

I didnt think of it like that

OP posts:
Calmhappyandhealthy · 14/12/2024 08:12

Why are some senior managers so private?

If you can see her Social Media , it's obviously set to "public"...so she's not private, is she?

northernballer · 14/12/2024 08:15

Car1y · 14/12/2024 08:09

I dont know if she is a lesbian or if she has children. She never says

Edited

Why do you care though?

If any of my reports looked me up on social media I would wonder what was missing in their own lives tbh. Who has time for that?!

Original poster
Car1y · 14/12/2024 08:26

Well there wasnt much on it but she was tagged by other people. We were just curious

OP posts:
boatyardblues · 14/12/2024 08:31

Car1y · 13/12/2024 15:50

I was just thinking she should make more effort to connect with the team.

She’s not your friend. She’s your manager. At some point she may have to manage interpersonal difficulties in the team or performance manage one of you. Keeping things professional avoids the risk of any accusation of bias or favouritism and makes performance management more straightforward. It sounds like you don’t have any line management experience. Is that the case?

HelpMeGetThrough · 14/12/2024 08:33

I don't tell anyone at work what I've been doing outside of work, they've no need to know. Work and home is totally separate.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 14/12/2024 08:40

Car1y · 14/12/2024 08:26

Well there wasnt much on it but she was tagged by other people. We were just curious

She's not that private because she doesn't restrict tagging

You have a manager who you stalk on social media because you are determined that she should talk to you about her private life

Why can't she just be like you, eh? Why can't she tell you about her life?

I'll tell you why she doesn't open up to you

Because she's sussed out how nosey, toxic and intrusive you are

HTH

HelpMeGetThrough · 14/12/2024 08:46

Car1y · 13/12/2024 19:54

I didnt mean anything wrong by that, but every manager Ive had is very chatty about their own life and if they are married so I thought it was normal for a manager to be open. Im 28 actually

And then when they need to either put you on a disciplinary, performance improvement plan or make you redundant, will you be saying "but I thought you were my friend!!!".

Any half decent manager keeps their distance.

saltysandysea · 14/12/2024 08:50

what are your plans/what did you do on the weekend is the question I hate. I find it quite lazy and intrusive at times so I tend to give quite vanilla answers. Unless they are part of the activities it really is not there for public consumption. There are other ways to connect to the team.

RedFiveStandingBy · 14/12/2024 08:53

You don’t sound very bright. Cat lady ffs.

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