If your partner is self employed do you do most emergancy care?

[VanillaPlanifolia]

If your partner is self employed and you aren't do you do most of the last minute care for the kids etc? Drs appointments, kids ill off school?

How do you juggle it? If you're part time do you make sure your working days you are working wherever possible? I'm getting a bit pissed off with two of my work colleagues acting like their husbands jobs are more important and I'm fed up of covering for them. But is this just how it is when the other partner is self employed?

Surely the self employed parent has the most flexibility?

Yes, quite often because if my husband didn't show up then none of the team could work. So that would be 5 guys with no pay for the day!

I can also work from home and be flexible about when I get my work done. I've also earned quite a lot of leeway and work with a group of people who all get it. It is exceptionally rare that anyone would cover for me, but something may end up being slightly delayed.

It is also the same for my nanny. She is employed by me. Her husband is self employed. If there is an issue with her child (or car) then it is always her who deals with it. Can be frustrating but he also earns more so I get it.

No, they don't get paid if they cancel a job and risk losing the job if they rearrange and their job is more important as it pays more (their words). It's hard for me as me and my husband are both employed so we just take it in turns as much as we can

You don't employ your nanny's husband though

Yes I do. If he doesn't go he doesn't get paid, we loose too much money and it's a main income/reliant on a good reputation. I do all pick ups/drop offs and emergency care, appointments, clubs etc

To be honest I think this is probably the case for lots of couples, self employed or not, one will have a job that is easier/more flexible to rearrange, or that doesn’t have a great financial impact. My husband isn’t self employed but the nature of his job means that he can’t easily change his appointments as he works around clients, and if he loses clients then he wouldn’t make as much money as he does, so there’s a direct financial hit if he had to leave or cancel. My job on the other hand it really doesn’t massively matter if I have to start late or leave early because my work can more or less be done whenever, I can log on and work another few hours in the evening if I needed to, my husband doesn’t have that.

There’s also always some risk with being the one who earns more being seen to take the piss and being let go because the household may not be able to continue paying the bills without the higher earner’s income, but would be okay still if the lower earner was to find themselves let go.

I'm self employed and its generally me that picks it up as i'm the most flexible.
However, there are occasions if I dont work, I dont get paid so then he has to pick up, so we dont lose out financially.
Overall we end up being fairly equal

Yes, I always did all the emergency care, as DH was and still is self employed. As a pp said, if he wasn’t there, all his staff working for him, couldn’t carry on working if they needed to ask him a question about what to next! The buck stopped with him. Likewise when clients ask him a question, they expect an answer within a few days. If they didn’t get one, they might go somewhere else.

I have worked for him the last 12 years, but he is at a higher level than me, and earns more - but obviously he understands I can fit my work around caring responsibilities, and so long as it gets done by the deadline, that’s fine. He only works part time himself now, as he’s winding down - so he comes with me to appointments/meetings most of the time.

Yes unfortunately that’s our dynamic as if he doesn’t work there’s no money. It doesn’t really impact my colleagues if I take time off though

Indeed! I'm self employed here and do most of the emergency / training day type childcare

Only when it's a woman, obviously.

If you're the employee does your boss not get pissed off that it's always you? I'm amazed ours hasn't said something yet

I’m the self employed one and do 99% emergency childcare and appointments. I then end up having to make up the hours/money in the evening (who needs sleep right?)

It’s the same for all my self employed friends. That said I can see it might be different if you work in a trade or customer facing role.

A common misconception

I think this depends on the job and who else is affected by the self employed person.

I am self employed and the default parent. I work alone so I'm not overly affecting anyone else. I can catch up in the evening. It's also based on income. Whoever earns the most we protect that job if it means the whole house goes under if they lose it.

We still strive to share it as equal as much as we can but ultimately my husband can't take the piss too much. "After all the wife should look after the children" 🙄 direct quote from previous employers.

Undoubtedly there will be partners out there that could do more of their share.

The general rule of thumb seems to be: Self employed man = very very very important job that takes precedence over everything, Must Not Be Bothered, absolutely necessary to work at least 12 hours a day, no time to parent his kids at all.

Self employed woman = Well, surely this gives you the flexibility to drop everything every time the school calls/ a child is sick/ it's the holidays/ it's time to do the school run?

(Bitter)

Self employed man = very very very important job that takes precedence over everything,

My self employed DH’s job takes precedence over mine because he earns shed-loads more than I do. We could manage without my income, but not without his

Also, if he doesn’t attend work, then approx 8 other people can’t do their jobs

Exactly the same for me.

Well my husband earns alot more than me so that's why I do emergency care and also my work are flexible. I have flexitime I can use if I need to nip away for anything. I can work from home if need be. Me not being there doesn't mean my colleagues need to pick up the slack, it doesn't work like that in my work. The work just builds up till I'm back and can fire it through it again.

I guess it depends on the nature of the roles. But it's really annoying for the rest of the team that all these appointments never seem to fall on their non working days and their partners can never seem to do them instead.

We share it, obviously. I have a salaried role but I cannot constantly be the one to drop things - I have clients and deadlines and targets.
There are times of the year where my husband is too busy to drop things, but he’s self employed, he has more flexibility than I do ultimately, plus he works near home and I commute an hour to the office.

Untrue, my DH is self employed and has lots of flexibility and currently does a lot more pick-ups, emergency care and sick care than me.

You have a management problem then

Surely if they are taking that much time off it becomes unpaid? We are only allowed a max 5 days pro rata for kids sickness etc and I thought that was quite generous?!

When the DCs were tiny DH had set up a new business while I was in a salaried role with limited flexibility and a much longer commute, DH did the vast majority of the emergency stuff till the DCs were school age when I changed to a pt more flexible and closer to home role and then it was split fairly evenly. He is the main breadwinner but his work can be done at weekends and evenings, he's not a tradesperson or similar. The downside was and always has been that when they are busy he often has to work evenings and weekends at short notice but he has always prioritised any commitments to family.