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Original poster

Expected by colleagues to work full time with a family

102 replies

Tilly0921 · 31/10/2024 22:19

Just out for opinions...I work in accounts and used to be full time prior to children, my kids are now approaching school age and is now the expectation within the team that I should increase my hours potentially to full time. Is this the new normal? I was born in the 80's, this would have been frowned upon in their day. Why is it so different now and expected of mothers to do this?
In my opinion, I want to be there to nurture and support my children in their education and out of school hours activities.

OP posts:
TentEntWenTyfOur · 31/10/2024 22:27

Ignore them. Basically, it's none of their business what you do or what hours you work. If you don't need the money and don't have to work full time, then stay as you are.

mynameiscalypso · 31/10/2024 22:31

Do whatever you want and what works best for your family. But plenty of parents work full time - and did in the 1980s.

stichguru · 31/10/2024 22:46

Ignore them, unless you are planning having a full time role and working part time, essentially letting down the team left, right and centre, it's not their business what you do! You can have the role that suits you.

lilacpeach · 31/10/2024 22:49

You don't have to increase your hours if you don't want to. Who is suggesting you do? And who are you talking about with the 'back in their day'? I was born in the 80s too - if women of our mother's generation felt pressure to cut back their hours to care for children it was for sexist reasons tbh. Most of us have more choice now, and in this economy a lot of people want/need to earn more money - if you don't want to increase your hours that's up to you surely?

Ineffable23 · 31/10/2024 22:49

I mean I don't have anyone at home to be looking after and I still work four days a week.

So I don't think there needs to be any expectation that you work full time, but I don't think that that relates to whether or not you have kids at home.

I think it's equally perfectly legitimate to work full time whether you have kids at home or not!

HalloweenHaribo · 31/10/2024 22:51

Of course it's not the 'new normal' 😳

In fact it sounds like a fairly random conversation/expectation.

Everyone else just does their agreed contracted hours, whether they have kids or not.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 31/10/2024 22:55

As long as the father can have the option to not work full time to ‘be around more’ if that’s what he wants, crack on.
If it’s ok for you should also be acceptable for him.

Motheranddaughter · 31/10/2024 22:56

If you are happy with your current hours and not looking for promotion then crack on

BarbaraHoward · 31/10/2024 22:57

The whole way your post is phrased is weird to me. Your colleagues don't get an opinion over your hours (apart from your manager and HR obviously). But you seem to expect them to care about your family and they don't.

Full-time working parents nurture their children and support them in their education and extracurriculars btw.

GlasgowGal82 · 31/10/2024 23:11

I always said that I'd go back to full-time once my youngest was in school. Four years on and I am still working part-time. At first I told myself that I needed a bit of time to myself to recover from parenting whilst working from home during the pandemic, but then I realised I just really value having a bit of time to myself each week whether it's to get jobs done that I don't manage over the weekend or to do a bit of exercise or self care. I am lucky enough to be able to do without extra the money so to be frank you couldn't pay me enough to give up my day off! It also gives me more flexibility to cover school holidays and sick days too.

TicTac80 · 31/10/2024 23:27

Do the hours that work for you and your family! Sod what anyone else says. I'd ignore the comments from work.

BlackCatBlackDress · 31/10/2024 23:32

Who has been doing all your work while you've been PT?
Are you expecting to actually advance in your career?

TheCompactPussycat · 31/10/2024 23:41

Well it's not a "new normal" - it's just that you've taken what is presumably your own current and childhood experiences and assumed everyone else was the same as you.

However, it is between you and your line manager/boss as to what hours you work. If you want to stay part time, you can. However, if it is your boss that is pressuring you to return full-time, you might want to think about your career and what you want in the future.

mondaytosunday · 01/11/2024 00:34

New? No. It's always been expected that as kids age women go back full time. I remember people asking me (though I felt even at school they needed someone in the afternoon, plus holidays and summer - I have no family nearby and my salary would not cover daycare). But if you don't want to then ignore them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/11/2024 00:44

You can work full time and still do that with your children, especially when they are in school all day anyway.

It should never be 'frowned upon' for mothers to work full time.

blueshoes · 01/11/2024 01:04

I was born in the 60s and have been working for more than 30 years. It is not frowned upon to work full time with children of any age. Stay part time if you want but you are labouring under a misconception that you can only nurture and support your children by staying part time.

If you want to, own it.

AutumnLeaves24 · 01/11/2024 01:09

BlackCatBlackDress · 31/10/2024 23:32

Who has been doing all your work while you've been PT?
Are you expecting to actually advance in your career?

Whoever the Management have employed to do the work that is in excess of what needs to be done by a part time employee- they're paid part time pay to do a b c work it's not their problem who does d e f wiork!!

advancing in your career is about the quality of the work you do, not the hours you are in the building. If progressing to the next position involves full time hours then it can be reconsidered at the time.

AutumnLeaves24 · 01/11/2024 01:13

AgainandagainandagainSS · 31/10/2024 22:55

As long as the father can have the option to not work full time to ‘be around more’ if that’s what he wants, crack on.
If it’s ok for you should also be acceptable for him.

🙄🙄🙄

it's not what's being discussed. At all.

@Tilly0921 are the company understaffed for the workload? Have the staff been told that the company will not employ more staff, but would put you back to full time? So basically the only way they can get help with the work is you going back?

if they have they need to speak to management (to get a new staff member) NOT badger you.

you work part time hours for part time work, that's your choice!!

Monday55 · 01/11/2024 05:53

If OP used to be full-time as they've mentioned, that obviously means they're contracted to work full-time. If they're now saying that they can't do the full-time hours which they were employed to do, then that's surely grounds for dismissal unless they're able to negotiate a new contract?

Heatherbell1978 · 01/11/2024 06:05

DH and I have always worked full time and I did that when the kids were tiny too. I think it's very normal, certainly in the circles I operate it, although I have a relatively big finance job and many of my mum friends do too. So we're career focused and our kids to wrap around etc. Works for me but it's up to you at the end of the day.

Edingril · 01/11/2024 06:13

Well expecting shouldn't happen in a way but why are women any less capable to work ft than men?

Why is it expected women can't work ft but men have too? It is 2024 not 1954

SageBlossomBunny · 01/11/2024 06:29

I know what you mean OP. In my area as a kid in the 80s I think nearly all the mums were there at pick up and we walked home together. I knew most of my friends mums. I'm well aware it was different in different areas. There wasn't the same number of childcare options then so high flyers still had nannies presumably and some had granny come and do the school run. Lots of friends mums worked but it was often very part time to fit in with the kids.

I've been part time through it and it's been brilliant. When they're primary age lots of activities in our area started really early or were straight after school. Being around after school meant being able to have people round/go to friends houses etc and it's been great. Certainly this time of year it's dark by getting home from work time time/5.30 now.

What's not so great though is now they're older trying to change job. So I would say if youve got a bulletproof plan for work and are able to stick at it part time go for it 😊 it's a great position to be in.

Certainly don't bow to any colleagues expectations. Yes of course some people work part time (on another thread it was a lower percentage than I thought) but that doesn't mean you have to if you can manage part time.

pavementgerms · 01/11/2024 06:33

Lots of parents work full time...

SweetBobby · 01/11/2024 06:35

They're your colleagues, not your employer. Who cares what they expect?

SageBlossomBunny · 01/11/2024 06:35

Roughly 29% of mothers with primary aged children work full time. So most don't.

This changes with secondary aged kids with between 40-50% full time depending on age.