Expected by colleagues to work full time with a family

[Tilly0921]

Just out for opinions...I work in accounts and used to be full time prior to children, my kids are now approaching school age and is now the expectation within the team that I should increase my hours potentially to full time. Is this the new normal? I was born in the 80's, this would have been frowned upon in their day. Why is it so different now and expected of mothers to do this?
In my opinion, I want to be there to nurture and support my children in their education and out of school hours activities.

I think a good proportion of those who do post covid have one parent "working from home" or able to do the afternoon school run too.

I think it's less common to have kids in after school care til 5.30/6 - at least in my area. But that can vary.

I think it is common for women to increase their hours once their kids are at school but not everyone does this. I’m not sure there is any such thing as “normal” in this scenario. Some women work part time, some full time, some stay at home.

What do you mean by “the expectation within the team”? Are you actually being asked to increase your hours?

I always thought I’d increase my hours once my kids were at school but the reality is there is no available after school childcare. Huge waiting lists for after school club and childminders fully booked too. So it’s not an option for me at the moment.

So there's a lot of factors. Someone easily working full time could have family who help with childcare or school runs or a flexible working job and able to do pick up and maybe try and work for an hour or two with their kid around.

I don't know if there is a standard "normal " some mums work ft, some are pt and some are SAHM. All are valid choices presumably if they work for the parents/family involved. I know several mums of teens who have never gone back to work since having kids, equally i know mums who have worked ft since their DC were babies, either for financial reasons or they wanted to progress in their career.

They need you as much when they start school as they do before, it’s easy to feel pressured into increasing hours. You need to do what is best for you and your family and if that is remaining part time that is your choice.

When OP reduced her hours she should have signed an amended contract to reflect the part-time hours. If she did, those are her contracted hours.

What do you want to do? Will your finances allow you to stay part time?

I'm a single mum and have worked full time since DS was 2, it isn't difficult, but what other people thought was never relevant. I decided the hours I wanted and needed to work, and applied for jobs accordingly.

What anyone else thinks is irrelevant. There are plenty of jobs out there.

Whatever is in your contract is what you should work. Your employer can request you to reconsider your hours, but they should t be bullying or harassing you to up your hours

I'm now retired. I always worked full time, partly because I needed the money at the time and partly because I contributed to a pension. It wasn't unusual to do that even then. If you don't want to work full time that's totally your choice. I would not argue with that. However we did at my work have people who wanted to work very odd hours where it proved impossible to find anyone to fill in those hours, is that happening here? Eventually there had to be an agreement that part time work was actually a job share IYSWIM. So that all of the hours were covered,which didn't please some. It is, however, something HR should be dealing with, if that is the case.

If your children are reaching school age then it’s definitely not the right time to return to full time hours unless you truly want to use breakfast & after school clubs plus holiday clubs in the school holidays. There are always parent events on at the school too so I would absolutely still want to be around for some of those.

She worked full time prior to having dc who are now approaching school age. So more than one dc and the youngest is is approaching 4. So that's likely 4-6 years working part time.

I don't think her current contract is based on what she did 4-6 years ago do you?

Lots of parents and non parents work part time

It’s harder to work full-time when they’re at school IMO. The hours are shorter and there are 13 weeks a year where school is shut, unlike nurseries.

I think it depends on the workplace. I've got toddlers so still have longer days at daycare.

My friends have older kids and some have to do part-time. Others have flexible working for both parents and manage it between the two.

In my job most of the the workers with school age kids have 2-3 days at home and just manage hours around pick-ups etc (so might do an hour or so on a couple of days with kids in the background). They do the 40 hours but just juggle it a bit/ lot. The work still gets done but it's a high-trust model.

YANBU to want to stay part time if that works for you, however I think your comment “ I want to be there to nurture and support my children in their education and out of school hours activities” is unreasonable.

I work full time and can nurture and support my child. It just takes some juggling.
Appreciate not every role facilitates this however.

whatever you do, someone will always have an opinion. I am left feeling guilty by colleagues with similar aged children who work 3 or 4 days, because I work 5 days and I get shamed sometimes (with comments like the one you’ve made, plus more!)

equally, I’ve been promoted twice since becoming a mother and I don’t doubt it’s because of the additional things I’ve been doing which would have been impossible if I was part time.

do what works best for you and your circumstances and ignore everyone else

People are so oblivious to the fact that different people have different set ups.
Some people are surrounded by family who help out. Some have no family at all.
Some people work from home. Others have a two hour commute.
Some people work jobs that require shift work. Others have a 9-5 jobs.
Some people work in roles that pay pro rata over £250k. Others are on minimum wage.
Some people have physical or mental health issues. Others don't.
Some people have one dc. Others have 5.
Some people have dc with disabilities and special needs. Others don't.
Sone people have partners. Others are single.

People seriously need to butt out of others lives.

It's no one's business, I wouldn't discuss it with them. Just say that your current hours suit you.

Kids going to school was what did fir me working FT.
We managed it until then, but school was a step too far with us both at work.
You do you.

And plenty of parents, mine included, did a really shit job of it as they were both out at work most of the time.

if you can afford to send more time with your family and less time at work - do it. You won’t get that time back.

I was born in the 70s. Everyone I know works FT, regardless of the ages of their children, or if they have any. Perfectly possible to support children and work FT. But obviously, you do you.

School is so much harder to manage than nursery.

Our nursery is open 8am to 6pm - 50 weeks of the year...... school finishes at 3.15pm with 13 weeks holidays

To be fair in an office environment I wouldn't be talking about wanting to be around to nurture my children, but that's just me. I would be talking about sheer logistics though.

Ignore them. It might just be your team/company

I went part time when my kids came along but the youngest is now 10 and I still have no intention of working above 80%

It’s your decision what hours you work. In my experience many women do increase their hours as their children get older. I’ve found my children need me less and having extra income is beneficial. However, the afterschool activities are a juggle so it doesn’t work for everyone.

edited - as misread the OP. I thought the DC were moving into secondary school. Most of my friends, where they could afford to, stayed part time for the younger years of primary school but increased them as they got near the end of primary.

My employer/colleagues were like this, although they expected me to go back to work full time once the DC had settled into nursery! They couldn't understand why I wanted to be part time and were not flexible at all.
I have since changed roles a couple of times and the employers have been very understanding and supportive of the fact that I want to be part time.

i never worked full time since having children,
they are adults now and i still dont work full time
your choice, as it is mine