Letting a colleague fail

[SoosieM]

I work in a finance role, involved in the opening of new supermarkets. Roughly 2 years ago a new Project Manager joined the team who is responsible for coordinating the whole process of opening the new supermarkets. She joined the team from another department within the company so already had useful knowledge and skills.

At the beginning I tried my best to help her. I answered all the questions she asked me to the best of my ability even if it wasn't area, I directed her to the correct department when I couldn't help her etc. I just tried to be a welcoming and supportive colleague and help wherever I could. However it quickly became clear that within her department of Project Mangers she wanted to give the impression that she had hit the ground running and didn't want to ask her boss or any of the other project managers whenever she had doubts about anything, everything came straight to me even things not remotely related to finance. After a year I did start replying to a lot of her questions that these are things she needs to ask her boss or more experienced PMs and that has died down now.

Unfortunately this person is not at all suited to the job of project manager as they are extremely unorganised and forgetful. Until recently I was always sending her reminders about information she needed to send me, things she still needed to follow up on etc. but after 2 years it was really starting to get on my nerves that she still hadn't got the hang of the job and I decided to stop. In my opinion she should know all of this by now and be able to deal with the projects on her own. Me supporting her wasn't doing her any favours as no one was picking up that she needs help. Her manager was only really concerned about getting openings done on time and as long as that was achieved no one was looking at what this colleague is doing.
Things are now going downhill for this colleague and although she hadn't said anything I can tell that she is resentful of me working with her is getting uncomfortable.

Would other people have continued to support the colleague? I do feel a bit bad but equally I have enough on my plate and she has enough people within her own department who she can turn to for help if she needs it.

You have your own job to do, you’ve answered questions and queries. Is it in your job to support other people?

You need to send reminders of information you need from her for your job. At my workplace it’s on the Finance lead if their reports are incomplete not individual contractors.

It's not part of my job to chase the Project Managers for information. They are the ones who know the deadlines for the openings and are the ones who are expected to provide the information to us in accordance with their deadlines. We do not have any deadlines of our own in relation to the store openings we work with the information the project mangers proved as and when they provide it. The information the require from my team is very simple and is often turned around in a day once we have the information.
It's always been the way that this company works
The mentality is very much that it is on the Project Managers to have everything under control and provide every department with the information they need unprompted. I am not needing to chase any of the other project managers and none of my team are either. It is a problem unique to this particular person.

When you withdrew your support and stopped issuing reminders did you tell this person that's what was happening?

Perhaps, as you have provided all this additional support for two years she thinks this is the normal practice, and you are the person dropping the ball?

Surely she wouldn’t be that foolish? Surely she knows what her job is and just liked having her reliable old crutch by way of the OP to make her job easier.

The specialism of project management is being organised, so you're right, if she's naturally not then it's not the job for her. But I think you might have set a confusing precedent by sending reminders early on, even if that's not the standard practice. To clarify can you send a message to reiterate the expectation that information is provided unprompted, and being clear that you will not be chasing? It will probably sound a bit blunt but I've never worked with anyone from finance who wasn't (whilst being highly competent)!

Very unfair op, you've set her up to fail.

Did you get any glory for being so helpful @SoosieM?
You led the person into a false sense of security. Why? Did you take ownership of your contributions?
You probably meant well even if you weren't her assigned mentor.
Learning curve for your training skills.

If she has never been a project manager before - when you started sending reminders she would have assumed that was standard protocol.
I get you needed to stop - but it would have been better to explain to her you were doing this and why.
Sounds like she might have inattentive ADHD.

Inattentive ADHD diagnosis from what the op has written is a huge reach.

Do we really need to diagnose everyone with something - people can just be poor performers and not suited to a role.

Do you not have weekly status meetings with her and any people involved with the project?

She'd ask how you were going with item X , you’d say I’m (still) waiting for you to provide info W.

Are you the only person other than the PM on the project?

Agree it isn't your job to baby her and it sounds like she's dug herself a hole by wanting to come over as more competent than she is to her immediate team.

I think people here saying this is your fault for creating expectations are wrong. In your place I would have expressed concern to her, but I would also have had a word with her line manager. To not know when you enter a job is fine. To still not know and to refuse to ask after two years really isn't. Frankly any halfway decent line manager should have picked up on this long before now.

I always put monthly reminders in people's diaries when they are due to send me info or data. It saved me having to chase and I saw it as being in my interest.
Apart from that, you seem to have gone above above and beyond to help her into the role and that level of support can't be sustained. You have your own job to do. You shouldn't feel bad - you've done your bit and she was fortunate to have that.

frankly? it doesn't matter if someone has innatentive ADHD. If you are in a role, you are required to do that role.

When my Project Managers don't provide information i need in a timely manner, i send one reminder - then i escalate.
I do have a schedule though, and i am not at all shy about telling people i have a shitlist and once you're on it twice, i will name and shame. Not in a childish way, but in a factual "i am missing this info and x y and z must send it over now"

What kind of Project Management model are you using? is it all "oh we're so agile" without any understanding of what that is? Waterfall? something else?

Agree with PP that you have been part of the problem here.

If she has missed the company’s expected timescales to provide finance information and this has affected projects and / or colleagues, would bring that up with her and ask her to address it, and (if you are confident that your understanding of the roles and responsibilities are correct) be clear that you won’t issue ‘reminders’. If it continues, explain to her line manager.

Have you flagged any of these issues with someone higher up? I support other members of my team though it's not in my role especially, when i have issues i tell my line manager.

I don’t think it’s unfair at all - the only reason she hasn’t failed so far is because she has been relying on OP on the sly.

There’s plenty of help available to her but she has chosen not to ask her seniors. Leave her to it. You’re doing nothing wrong OP by doing your own job!

Did you tell her you were stepping back?

She maybe hasn't realised that it's not your job to chase her and perhaps she presumed other colleagues, Because you've done that since day one. She's just thought that's how it is.

So she will be a bit gutted if you suddenly stop without warning her.

If you want to help get one more time before giving up you could ask her how she's doing because youve always tried to help her since she was new but your own workload means you can no longer do this.

That you hope giving her reminders etc in the past has been helpful and she now needs to get organised with her own calendar etc. Give her some tips. Step back.

I'd also tell my own line manager about what I had done in the past to help her but that I'd stopped now. So if any more support is reqd management know it's on them to do it.

My daughter is a PM and has inattentive ADHD - the two things are not mutually exclusive…

I have inattentive adhd - in fact we can actually be exceptionally brilliant at organising things if we are hyperfocused on them so I completely agree with you.

Have you discussed this with your line manager?

You sound resentful. You also seem to have reluctantly helped her for 2 years then snapped. You provided help for much longer than you should have, and you took drastic action out of nowhere.

You really should have had a meeting after, say, 3 months, and laid out your expectations. Followed up with an email so that it was in writing. If she was still having issues after a month or two, flagged it with her manager that she appears to need more support than you can provide.

She sounds scatty but you don't come off very well either I'm afraid.

It's been alluded to here but I can't see anywhere in your posts to indicate that you actually did it - Did you let this colleague know that you were no longer going to be providing her with updates/reminders etc. as it was not part of your role to do that? Did you tell this colleague that what you had been doing for the first few months of her stepping in to the role wasn't actually part of your role and that when you reached the end of your rope and simply stopped doing it, it was because in the intervening time she hadn't stepped up?

I think you need to go into damage limitation mode here and contact your manager - outline how many times you had to send reminders/updates to this PM since they joined the company and how you've realised that it isn't part of your job to do that so you've simply stopped doing something that wasn't part of your job to focus on what is actually your job.

I would also point out that while the OP has stopped doing this, it has become clear that the gap doesn't appear to be filled by the person who is employed to do that part of the work - the PM. They might be resentful that they're having to work with the OP but they don't seem to realise that what the OP was doing, was actually part of their job and they aren't doing it themselves.

Id be a bit of an arse about it. Send the reminder, cc her boss and suggest she reviews the procedure as she's still not able to grasp sending through the items at the correct stage.

She’s no doubt juggling sixty thousand deadlines for multiple projects, of course she’s going to accept the help if particular business areas volunteer reminders. It’s always interesting as a PM to figure out which SMEs are whole business-focused and which ones insist on acting like their particular specialism is the be all and end all and their time therefore more important than anyone else’s…