Corporate-speak course?

[OctogenarianDecathlete]

After many years of being told my emails have "a poor tone", I have concluded that I need to be trained in corporate-speak.

DH described it as a system that has been developed for people to have snide digs at each other disguised as pleasantries, and that when someone just states facts/speaks plainly that's considered horrifically rude.

I don't work in a corporate environment but the industry is becoming more so.

Have you ever heard of an online course that can teach me how to stop upsetting people by speaking plainly, and how to use the fluffy corporate versions?

I am certain it is possible to communicate a point without being rude or resorting to a corporate word salad that has no actual meaning.

You could run some of your most 'offensive' emails through bing/chatgbt and ask for it to be reworded in a different tone.

Sounds like you need to learn common etiquette rather than corporate speak.

I try to communicate clearly and directly when I use email, but I'm never accused of being blunt.

Do you say please and thank you and use proper sentences? Do you explain why something needs to be done ?

Do you write as you speak? Or with poor SPAG? I work with someone who does, and she just can't understand why her emails read so badly. She's not dyslexic before anyone starts... What she's writing is always pleasant, but it's so unprofessional.

Are you in the civil service? Since moving into CS from the private sector, my boss has commented that my papers are "sharp" or "crisp", which I think is his way of saying I don't pull my punches. Luckily he seems to like this, but I think I have offended a few people who are used to a less direct approach.

Ask the people who are complaining about the tone of your emails to give you some constructive feedback - explain how they would have worded the email.

You can soften the tone of emails without using corporate waffle by being liberal with please/thank you and (if appropriate) apologies.

Acknowledge if there's a short deadline or the request is complex, or if you're not sure you're asking the right person. If you can't help with something, always apologise and try to offer the enquirer an alternative contact/route. End by thanking the person for their time/help.

Opinion is divided on the 'hope you're well' email opener that has become so common since Covid as some people think it's insincere and a waste of words, but if you use it, at least you can't be accused of being blunt!

DH occasionally shows me emails he receives (venting after a very bad day, no privileged info, and I have a professional interest in language!)
the tone some people use is shocking. Very rude, entitled and unpleasant - everyone clearly thinks they are very busy and important.

Tips:

use a nice greeting
be polite
if making a request, actually make it - don’t frame it as an instruction (direct reports slightly different but I’d still request in first instance unless they’re very troublesome)
give all info required to solve the problem from your end to avoid a back and forth
avoid exclamation marks
use a sign off

could you use the phone instead? Tbf DH would hate this but i do think a lot of the issues of communication would be solved by voice communication rather than email. Follow up with details in writing as needed
build relationships. Harder over email but a brief greeting can be enough

say thank you in a follow up when someone’s done well. DH got one yesterday and honestly it changed his whole day. His job makes me very sad!

Try downloading goblin tools or going to the website, this has a function to review text you put in there and then you can adjust it to sound more or less of something, including more professional. This would help you to start to learn the tone and words it uses.

Having been the receiving end of comms in the public sector, the standard of English is appalling sometimes. No structure ie intro, content or summary or precis what the communication is about, a lack of grammar, spelling. Being blunt is the least of it.

My own grammar isn't great sometimes but I do make a point of making sure it's legible.

Can you give us an example of the sort of message you'd write? Then we can help to reword it.

Follow wankernomics on Instagram or watch a few clips on YouTube. It will teach you to speak corporate and make you laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the way the corporate world speaks to each other.

Linked in have courses on business writing which can be useful

I think you've certainly put your finger in the pie there. Perhaps add some jessops to your comms and don't tug on anyone's anchor chain.
Avoid emojis and cliches like the plague.

Two tips that I've found helpful:
-Copy other people's style in your organisation. How do they start and sign off their emails? What's the tone?
-And ask your manager or a friend/colleague to critique a few emails to give you some specific pointers. Don't do it on emails you've already sent as that would dent your confidence, but maybe make one up or ask before you send the next one. My manager once told me that I shouldn't just start emails with... Name, as it comes across as short and rude. I had no idea. Something as simple as Dear Name or Hi Name, made all the difference but I had to be told that.

It's better that you know and want to do something about it.

Those are amusing, but I feel this is a fundamental issue that rests with OP not with her workplace.
Most of us with corporate jobs manage to communicate effectively and politely without straying into cliches.

I’d like to see one of your emails OP.

It's possible to be too straightforward. I don't do much in the way of 'how are yous' but I always do please, thank yous etc.

I'm looking right now at an email that rubbed me up the wrong way, it was to arrange a meeting (we are both PAs). She has written 'As discussed, X is available at 4pm. I found you sent the invite for 3pm. Can you change it.' No please, no thank you, not even a question mark at the end.

It was her mistake, which I knew but gently queried, along with a question mark. Her response was to not acknowledge her error or apologise, just generally blame clock changes and state new times.

It took quite a lot of willpower not to cheerily tell her i had now rectified her mistake!

Yes, of course I use basic manners.

And the intention is always polite/professional/friendly, but sometimes something gets lost in translation.

Quite often these are very quick messages/replies while I'm teaching or at break. I only get about 1 hour of useable PPA time per week (that's another story) so everything is rushed.

I write as I would speak in a formal, professional setting, if that makes sense.

I find the insincere/artificial pleasantries/fluff (that is often generated by AI) to be hard to use as it's so different to my real life persona.

I was about to say that I'd feel a fraud writing emails in a completely different style to real life - my colleagues would be able to spot this.

But then I realised it's not my close colleagues who have a problem with my writing. Only people much further removed from me (mainly one person) who don't actually know my normal real life communication style.

So maybe there's part of my problem.

Can you give an example of what you mean?

It's teaching. Possibly quite similar.

You'll never guess how the complainer comes across in emails?!

But yes, next time it happens I shall ask for a more in depth analysis and constructive suggestions for improvement.

Hence asking if there's a course or something I can request to be sent on.

Thanks, I will!

I can see you're already the master here. Please share your wisdom.

Glad it's not just me that has to be told things!

I did know to use 'dear...' though.