Corporate-speak course?

[OctogenarianDecathlete]

After many years of being told my emails have "a poor tone", I have concluded that I need to be trained in corporate-speak.

DH described it as a system that has been developed for people to have snide digs at each other disguised as pleasantries, and that when someone just states facts/speaks plainly that's considered horrifically rude.

I don't work in a corporate environment but the industry is becoming more so.

Have you ever heard of an online course that can teach me how to stop upsetting people by speaking plainly, and how to use the fluffy corporate versions?

Just use Chat GPT to improve your emails. I put virtually all emails through it now with the prompt “Make this professional, concise and polite using British English”.

Have a look at robin kermode. We used him for presenting styles. He was fantastic. Also look at the coif communications course. I am actually doing something similar more to brush up. Good luck

Don't bother just put them through ChatGPT.

OP, I did an online communications with an accountancy body - cost me £75 as a member of another professional body. It definitely helped me soften my approach, although I'd never been told I needed to work on it. In short I now make sure I always thank the sender/acknowledge what they've stated before I respond, especially if I'm disagreeing or asking something of them they may not want to do. I always think, "What would my initial reaction be if I received this?". I work in a global organisation where English is used, but people's command of it, particularly written, can differ a lot. I sometimes have to ask, "what the hell do you mean?" without saying that!

If it's only one person that objects I would suggest the problem lies with them... Are they your manager? A parent? What sort of things are you emailing them about?

One just makes up things and everybody will go along with it, as they won't want to admit (or be the foghorn) that they don't know what it means (or be a gobbly-dog).

Try it! After all there's always a spark of ingenuity when a fuse blows. Or put another way pan-pipes don't blow themselves.

I've been advised to avoid delivering difficult news by email - phone or in-person works much better.

Going off topic a smidge here, but has "Or to put it another way" become a corporate-speak thing recently? Seem to be noticing it a lot at the minute.

In general at work doing what most other people do at the level you are or want to be is a good thing eg if everyone is in a suit going in in jeans might not be a good idea and vice versa. Same with emails although there are certainly things I will never do on screen or in person such as use words like "Hi".

When I email a client I always pause, read again what I wrote, look at how they emailed me -eg if they end with their first name etc so I become a kind of chameleon

”we are experiencing some challenges” = it’s a fucking nightmare and no idea how it’s going to turn out
”there are some cost pressures” - we can’t fucking afford it/to complete it to budget
”there are some resource constraints” - why the fuck can’t you give me enough people to do the job properly
“we’d like to increase the consistency of stakeholder input” - the people in charge can’t fucking make up their minds

Spot on!
You certainly hit the 'double expresso pulsante' there!

Or to put it another way, fully opportunized an emergent disruptor.

Without fail...

Monday: "Hope you had a good weekend"
Tues - Thu: "Hope all's well with you"
Fri: "Have a great weekend"

No matter what the content of the rest of the email is.

Oh, it's a school?

Who are you emailing and about what?

Can you pick up the phone or (shocking suggestion) go and see them?

Someone wise said about academia "the battles are so bitter because the stakes are so small."

Practical suggestion: put everything on delay send for 7am the next morning (looks efficient) and check messagee over the previous night? Be super super nice. Kill them with kindness.

I do delay send a lot, not because anyone's got it in for me (I hope) but to avoid emailing on my day "off".