How to express I am not interested in joining the Christmas work 'do'?

[user1471867483]

They're arranging a Christmas night out in December at work. Not only do we have to pay for it, but it's far from where I live, plus it's on a night I don't work; so I'd have to travel in on my day off. A coworker said he could drive me, but I'm just not feeling it - I don't want to go. How can I get him to accept I pure and simply don't want to go? I only like my own friends to socialise with and I never socialise with people from work. He's a pushy type.

For me a works do is at least partly during working hours, ie you are paid to be there. It's also funded by the employer. Why would someone pay to go to a meal in a place they don't like with people they are not friends with, in their own personal time?!
That's a total no from me. I'd be surprised if anyone would want to go!
Just tell him you don't fancy it and you're doing something else.
If he keeps asking just ignore him. He'll hopefully get the message and latch onto other work 'mates' who are going. He probably just wants to make sure at least some people he likes will also be there.
But definitely just refuse it.

just say... 'no thank you, but i hope you all have a lovely time'.. and just repeat as and when needed.

i've worked for my employer for 22 years and in all that time i have never once attended a works christmas do and no one thinks any worse of me (that i know of)

Then just say that?

I can guarantee your co-workers don't care that much whether you go or not. Consider it a compliment that they want you to come.
I've worked with plenty of people over the years that never come to social events. I actually think it's better just to say this than make an excuse which just means you'll have to justify yourself every single time.

Say -
“I appreciate the invite but won’t be coming”. Offer no further explanation.

I'm always shocked by the responses on these kind of threads, although it is consistent with how my own team at work feels about socialising with work colleagues (even when it's work sponsored or I offer to pay for the whole team of 30!) so maybe it's just a UK thing in general! I've worked abroad for most of my career and we always socialised outside of work and many of now my best friends are former colleagues that I bonded with at work events out of office hours. I don't get the total apathy in the UK towards work social events and spending a few extra hours every few months with your colleagues. I understand people have their own families and friends outside of work (I do too), childcare is a hassle etc but this whole attitude of not wanting to spend time getting to know your colleagues better, enjoying a couple of drinks together once in a while etc is strange to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

"No, I don't want to" " No that doesn't work for me either", rinse and repeat.

It depends in your sector, public sector (and allied) aren’t allowed to have their Christmas events paid for. It’s not legitimate use of public funds, I’m in HE and I’m sure mumsnet would be horrified if they thought their kids tuition fee was going on my turkey.

We do get paid time off to go to them, but not for the actual events which tend to be low key meals.

I have no issue with this, it’s part of the sector culture. Completely different to private sector.

I'd just claim I'm already booked for something non-negotiable. A family thing or a good friend's birthday.

I never understand the dilemma with just telling the truth. You don't want to go, so just say "I don't want to go, but thank you for thinking of me".

Are you a people pleaser in other aspects of your life OP?

Have avoided work Christmas nights out and other work related social events for 17 years just by sayibg, "Sorry, no just not my scene, thanks". I have actual good friends amongst my colleagues who i will see outside of work occasionally for coffee etc. One of them will ask me, maybe once a year to go to something but they don't push it when I decline. Mostly, i don't get hassled because people know I'm not interested.

@Cobblersorchard yeah, you're not wrong. I was talking my experience of private. My mum was a teacher and her works do was often a modest self funded restaurant meal near the college, out of working hours of course. As she was an hourly lecturer. I always told her it didn't sound like a works do if work aren't putting their hand in their pocket!
But I get that it could be seen as a waste of public money.

No apology or explanation needed.

Offered a lift “No thanks, I won’t be going to the Christmas do”
Asked why “I don’t fancy it”
Asked again “I just don’t fancy it”
Asked why not “I just don’t fancy it”
Any mention of it “Look, I’ve told you. I don’t fancy it and I won’t be going to the Christmas do”

I also have great friends from jobs years ago. However a christmas do, miles away, that I have to pay for, surrounded by twats you don’t like, awkward with your boss there too, so one cant relax. No thanks.
I am sure most prefer some drinks locally with work friends they actually like.

So old enough not to have to ask the question really.

Just tell him you don't fancy going and stick to it.

It's not a big deal 🤷‍♂️

I ask because I'm shy. Sorry if it's not a big deal to you.

"No , I have another thing to attend " (even if it's a night in front of the telly).

"I have other plans, but thanks for thinking of me."

"I can't make it, but I hope you have a great night"

Just say no.
perfectly acceptable not to go in this situation

a bit different at companies I’ve worked at where it is all paid for- feels compulsory unless you are genuinely ill