How to express I am not interested in joining the Christmas work 'do'?

[user1471867483]

They're arranging a Christmas night out in December at work. Not only do we have to pay for it, but it's far from where I live, plus it's on a night I don't work; so I'd have to travel in on my day off. A coworker said he could drive me, but I'm just not feeling it - I don't want to go. How can I get him to accept I pure and simply don't want to go? I only like my own friends to socialise with and I never socialise with people from work. He's a pushy type.

I used to make excuses to get out of these things- usually stating childcare issues. I don't think people really believed that my DH was away with work every single time we has a work social event though!
But eventually I got confident enough to just say "No thanks". Our employers and colleagues don't own us. What we do in our own time is our own business. I always gave 100% in working hours and that's what they paid me for, but it didn't obligated me to spend my free time with my colleagues doing things I didn't like and eventually I figured that I didn't need to make excuses. "No thanks, not really my thing. I hope you all have a good time." Straightforward, honest, non negotiable and strangely liberating!

I'm not going.

Don't elaborate on why not.

Seriously?

I just say I can't make it and don't elaborate. My workmates are mostly a lot younger than me, and their idea of a good night out involves drinking copious amounts of alcohol until the wee small hours, whereas my idea of a good night out is a nice meal, a glass or two of wine, and home in time for the 10 o'clock news. I am 64 though, I was very different when I was younger.

If you’re giving reasons why you can’t go, they’ll finds ways to overcome them, so don’t give any reasons.
Just a straight up, no thanks I can’t make it.

In my sector we have to pay for own own Christmas lunch (we don’t do an evening as no-one wants one, we do something in work time), we send details around and people choose if they come or not. We’ve got 12 out of 14 coming, no-one has asked the 2 that said no to give a reason or tried to persuade them, we take no thank you as all that’s needed.

Do not give reasons @user1471867483, just don’t engage with it.

I'm not a fan of lying to say you don't want to do something/ go somewhere but having seen the lengths they go to at my workplace to convince someone to go to the Christmas night out, just say you already have plans with friends. Stops it dead!

I never go.
I always say that I see more than enough of them Monday to Friday that seeing them out of work would send me over the edge. I say it light heartedly, as a joke but I mean it! 😆

@user1471867483 "It sounds great and I am sure you'll all have lots of fun but I won't be able to make it. I've just got too much on in December and have spread myself too thin to commit to anything else."

I'm 53 and like to get home after work and nap in the armchair! 🙄

Yes, I quite enjoyed the lunchtime Christmas meal, everyone just went to a local eating place and enjoyed Christmas dinner and then went back to work, no dancing or prolonged drinking and socialising, just enjoy the food. Work did these every other year with a more party type thing in the evening on the alternate years that I never went to, this was to try to please most people. Both meals were paid for by company

I’ve never heard this saying before, but it’s my new favourite! It made me laugh out loud! Thanks for making my day!

When I was still working I loathed work social stuff so I made a point of saying the first time I was ever asked in any change of job that I never attend any of these events. Once I had that blanket statement out people got the idea and I wasn’t pestered. Maybe they thought I was a bit odd but as I was always friendly at work nobody seemed to have a problem with it.

I'm boycotting all Christmas party events this year. I know it makes me sound like Scroogella, but I just don't want to go tenpin bowling with a load of people I don't really know and then eat Fat Hippo food when I have work to do and then panic about catching up, go out with the gym crowd and eat sub-standard cold turkey (as we did last year - there was as much Christmas spirit as a smack in the gob) or go to a buffet again when I could be catching up on work and not having to do it over the Xmas break to keep on top. I'm not miserable at work nor am I not a social animal. It's just that I would rather spend my socialising time with people that are my real friends, as we are all so busy it's difficult to find time to do all of this!

I never go on ours unless it's during the work day and paid for by work.

What? 🤮

“No thanks, not my cup of tea.”

I like ours, we have a conference in the morning (for about an hour) and then a lunch and after that we are free to escape. Some go home and some decamp to the pub next door, managers usually come, buy a round, stick some money behind the bar and scarper and we all have a great time.

But some people never come to the social bit and we just accept they don’t want to socialise with colleagues, totally fine.

Just say no. And keep saying no whenever you get asked. If someone asks why, just say because you don’t want to. It’s the clearest and easiest way. I don’t understand when people feel the need to make up elaborate excuses.

I often wonder if people actually enjoy going to work social things, or go out of a sense of duty or persuasion, and secretly groan inside.

I don't know if this thread is representative of the majority or not, but I'd say it's not far off the mark. I hated them, but as a manager I had to go, at least for a bit to show solidarity or something, not quite sure which!

I made sure I had an early escape plan organised every time though. And I'm sure the party/dinner goers relaxed a bit more when the management team was out of sight and GONE!

Awful bloody things, and forced fun is no fun.

No is a full sentence.

Stop overthinking things and feeling like you have to give an essay reply on why you don’t want to.

I'd say "thank you for the kind invitation but I can't make it. Hope everyone has a lovely time."

If pushed or if there was any hint of changing the date I'd say it's not my thing and the logistics don't work for me. Hope you all have a lovely time and repeat as necessary

Keep it simple and true! You don't need to over explain but don't need to be so blunt it's rude either

The problem with making excuses is that people then have a tendency to try to fix things for you. They could change the date/time. Their teenage daughter could babysit/dog sit for you. They'll collect you even if your car is in the garage. And so on. Then you end up getting embroiled in ever complicated excuses as to why none of these suggestions will work, or being pushed into going when you don't want to.
You can be clear that you just don't want to go without being rude and it saves a lot of angst in the long run.

"I won't make it this year, got too many family things on in December, have a great time!"

"Yes, I know its a shame, December is just such a busy and expensive time!"

No soz hun, its ’s 40th bday that night. All expenses paid 5 course meal, Mariah singing carols etc.

"Thank you for the invitation, but I won't be joining you. I hope everyone has a great time".
You know the rules, OP - no need to apologise or explain. Just don't pay and don't go.
(And you're totally right - work Xmas 'dos' are always ghastly).